i smile,
to hide the hurt when i am out in public

i laugh,
to chase away the tears so people don’t know

but,
look into my eyes;
you will see the pain hidden there

if i don’t fit
in this generation’s standards of beauty;
if i have to follow others’ standards of beauty
to truly become beautiful,

then, i will have to become a different standard

no, wait
this can’t happen yet

i need you to know,
i’m not some insecure, jealous girlfriend

i just,
when i get something that i’ve wanted for a really long time, sometimes i do this thing

yeah, i’m overthinking

but sometimes,
i say things that i don’t really need to say
but, i’m just scared that i’m the only one thinking of them

it’s just that sometimes
when people do nice things for me

i short circuit

maybe, i’m not used to it
or maybe i’m scared of getting hurt
or being rejected for being myself

those stars,
look like they’re close to each other
but they’re actually very far away, aren’t they?

it’s like you and me;

the things you see aren’t always real
how hard must i try in order
to understand the unseen truth?

don’t love me

of course i want to be loved,
but i don’t think i deserve it because i might get clumsy to break your precious heart into pieces

really, you should not love me unless you’re ready to break your heart; your soul — you

i can even sort some reasons why you shouldn’t love me;

1. i’m the breaker,
i can break a super expensive and precious glass with just a touch; i don’t want to break you

2. me, my soul, my world, they are full of black & blue; you may not ready to get into the dark world of mine

3. i’m a chaotic mess inside,
i’m just that emotional girl who cries a lot;
i don’t think you can handle me because i can’t even handle my own self

4. i can never understand so i never learn, and you will probably get tired of me because of it

5. i still don’t like what i see in the mirror
i still don’t like the sound that echoes in my bath room every time i talk;
i still don’t like every thing about this sad girl who wakes up everyday in my bed

don’t love me
because i don’t even know how to love myself, so what makes you think that i’m going to love you?

**** you,
ㅤ
you came into my life
just like nightmares did;
all of a sudden, and unpredictable
but you, you didn’t freak me out as nightmares did
you brought hopes; like a clear sky in the morning
after a gloomy night, and like a rainbow after the rain

we met
we talked
we hung out
blah blah blah
until finally, i fell for you

i was so amazed with you yourself
your childish-self
your gentleman-self
your crazy-self
your lover-self

the whole of you

i was blinded by you
not only by the sound of your cute but **** laugh
or by the strong hands of yours when you held me
but also by the jokes you threw to me
by the way you talked so thoughtful about some things
by the sweetness of how you treated me
by everything you do and words you say
you know that it all takes my breath away

and now, i’m left with nothing

so yeah, that’s it
after you left, and finished this ‘thing’ between us
i cried
a lot

because my heart has been shattered to pieces
by the guy who i gave all of my heart to
and now, it feels like there’s just flesh and bones on me
well, i don’t know how to tell you
that you really ****** up my life
now, i’m the ruined
i’m the broken
i’m a mess.

that’s why i didn’t start this letter with ‘dear you’
in case you’re wondering
so, **** you

i’ve never heard about you anymore
and maybe that’s a good thing though
i hope you’re happy with your life
and i kinda hope that me, myself
will be happy too
soon

thank you for being you
and thank you for ‘us’
i learnt a lot