**** you,
ㅤ
you came into my life
just like nightmares did;
all of a sudden, and unpredictable
but you, you didn’t freak me out as nightmares did
you brought hopes; like a clear sky in the morning
after a gloomy night, and like a rainbow after the rain

we met
we talked
we hung out
blah blah blah
until finally, i fell for you

i was so amazed with you yourself
your childish-self
your gentleman-self
your crazy-self
your lover-self

the whole of you

i was blinded by you
not only by the sound of your cute but **** laugh
or by the strong hands of yours when you held me
but also by the jokes you threw to me
by the way you talked so thoughtful about some things
by the sweetness of how you treated me
by everything you do and words you say
you know that it all takes my breath away

and now, i’m left with nothing

so yeah, that’s it
after you left, and finished this ‘thing’ between us
i cried
a lot

because my heart has been shattered to pieces
by the guy who i gave all of my heart to
and now, it feels like there’s just flesh and bones on me
well, i don’t know how to tell you
that you really ****** up my life
now, i’m the ruined
i’m the broken
i’m a mess.

that’s why i didn’t start this letter with ‘dear you’
in case you’re wondering
so, **** you

i’ve never heard about you anymore
and maybe that’s a good thing though
i hope you’re happy with your life
and i kinda hope that me, myself
will be happy too
soon

thank you for being you
and thank you for ‘us’
i learnt a lot

dust, lust, trust
wether wrong or right
i’ll never win in life

dark, deep, and dangerous
losing hope
losing faith

falling down, get up
falling hard, stand up
fall again, falling deep
burried

mild, smooth
go wild
****
that’s what you breed

saying love
telling lies
believe
then he leaves

nothing but hurts

a bed so big
a room so empty
a void that you left
is slowly killing of me

hugging a pillow during my sleep
and pretending it was you
was the loneliest thing that i’ve ever done;

constantly wishing
how nice it is if it were your hands
that i was holding

but no,

my fist clenched the bedsheets
in the most distressing way possible;
to think that i got used
to waking up facing the cold wall
pretending it was you
made me contemplate nonstop

what if someday,
i got accustomed to the coldness
and the silence so well,
that i couldn’t take the heat
and the hitch between each of your breath?

i wanted you to be with me
no matter what
i kept missing you
over and over again
i wanted to see you

i was dying
desperate to tell you
how much i care

right, i couldn’t do it

i really wanted to say hello
when we bumped to each other earlier
but only god knows
how much i shivered
and tried not to fall on the ground
crying

now that i know everything
i really want to smash my head
and get an amnesia

you know why?
i’m always crying alone in the dark
when everyone already sleep
and can’t see me
because there is the only way i can do
to let go all of my pain
my thought
and my problem

i will cry when i feel mad
so, it won’t hurting people around me
it’s better
if there is only me who feel hurted
than other people

that’s why
i like crying alone
and blame myself
either other people i love

02:00 AM
for the poets who can’t sleep
because their minds are alive
with words for someone who’s not there

02:00 AM
for the alcoholics
drinking themselves into amnesia
to forget someone who left
ㅤ
02:00 AM
not for the lovers
asleep in each other arms
it’s for the lonely
the ones who are in love with the loved
but are not loved in return

have you been thinking about yourself?
about your problems in life?
trying to solve your own problems?
are you remember the past?

sometimes
i like to overthink
but not too over

you know?
somehow
it’s not good

OK, go to sleep now