silence spreads across this empty space
all things still, all things in their place
shallow breaths, exaggerated sighs
with your hand intertwined in mine

I want you here, I want you close
because you’re the one I want the most
stay darlin’ please say you will
lets just lay around and be still

keep me happy, keep me sane
keep me saying “come back here again”
I know you know, that I know too
now I no longer am feeling so blue

you left me

waiting

you came back

wanting

still fresh
yet oh-so fuzzy

these memories clog my pipes

and make me unable to sing

Sometimes I wonder, I wonder why
Things seem to just go awry,
I am the epitome of confusion,
grief, pain, loyalty, forgiveness,
love, loss, replacement, and trust,
I am used to things like this by now,
It's happened once, twice, thrice...
It's not like I don't know my life
I continue to be trodden upon,
And told "It's not that bad, c'mon"
I know I'm being foolish and so are you
One of these days
I am going to give up
and say "I don't have a clue..
what to do with any of you"

I will keep up the fight
with all my might
to make you stay
even if I have to--
put on a one-man-play

I will act my greatest scenes
just to cover up the secret,
--the scandalous secret--
that makes me feel complete

they can put two and two together
but I will avoid their questions
stepping around the cracks--
simply as light as a feather

to sneak, and sneak, and sneak
is what I do best,
and cover up the rest
right now I am at my peak
and I feel so weak

if they take you away
my sanity will not stay
and I will have to
live out the rest of my days
putting on a one-man-play

A wash of rainbow colours materialize from the faded sky blue
Somewhere in the world, you’re there too
Gazing up at the atmosphere gawking at the chromatic sight
Wishing a certain wish, for someone in your life    
            

Lonely, as lonely could be
Uncertain about the future, whether to fight or flee
The jaded green, scuffed and mangled, envelops our terrain
Ultimately, someday we will arrive back here again


The embraces and kisses will never occur too soon
Resulting in a budding romance that will eventually bloom
The time that was lost, will be regained
And all scars that were created, will no longer remain

I see you
I rush, and run
Who needs you now
Well, not me
I’ve moved on

The smell of the wind
And the rustle in the trees
All I can think about
Is you and me

Pierced through me

Is the shard she sent

Through her eyes

Oh she’s so divine

I cant keep her off me

Scratches
Burns
Scrapes
Kisses
Scars

Things that wont ever fade

Physically beautiful

Mentally insane

Why are things this way

Get off me-- just get off

I’m done with you

I told you we were through

I hope to die,
I hope to perish,
Leave me-- just leave

One more night

I can feel you in my bones
the depths of my skin
the tips of my toes

nothing is visible
its all underlying
but still physical

this isn't just my head
its a craving, an ache
that needs to be fed

as the fuel starts to diminish
it eats away at my mind
until it's replenished

I know you think I'm crazy
almost everyone does
but that doesn't even phase me

I'm finally happy
and actually content
with you beside me

when I say "*******"
I mean it
because I've finally stopped

*searching

I want everyone to know that life isn't what it seems
Take pleasure in the little things
Keep the your spark alive day by day
And soon the world will take your breath away

Put on a pretty face
And smile when you're told
Cause you are young
And you have no control

Make sure everyone sees
How "happy" you truly are
So underneath you can hide
All of your nasty scars

Smile, wave, show those teeth
Don't be afraid to give a little wink
"Things are so great!" she shouts with pride
But then she cries and shakes at night

Stop making me
love you
Please I don't know
**what to do

Our bodies share the same rhythm
Exploding with warmth and happiness
And the same soft whispering beat
I wish I could live in this moment for a life time
No words spoken and nothing acknowledged
Forever in sync next to you
Just knowing we are content
With each other
At this one moment in our lives
I wish it to be true; that you would agree
To be by me through this time in my life
I need someone like you, to guide me through
You make me feel content and believe in the future
I can confess my inner secrets and beliefs without any worry
You stay by my side; no matter the consequence
I can trust you, unlike other people
Listening is what you do best
And that shines brighter than any action
We are perfectly harmonized
Inside and out we fit together
I hope someday you will realize
I love you just as much as you love me

The fuzzy sound of night,
Emits from my window pane

The creature of the dark,
Who was thought to be slain

Has come to creep again

Here he comes, here he lurks

Between our houses,
Between our nooks

Through our minds,
And through our souls

He changes whats inside you,
And turns you dead and cold

Don’t let his darkness grab a hold
Because once he has you

He will never let go

Those thoughts will **** you,
Don’t ya know

So hold on to someone
And never let go

He creeps, he crawls
Four legs, sprawled

He’s slow, he’s quick
He’ll get you in a jiff

Don’t turn your back
Then we’ll hear the crack

And know that you have given in
To the creature within

Skunk in the night air
red cheeks, messed up hair

Beads of water through my pores
whats mine is now yours

Feel the torque of the engine
twisting hot metal, revving

And your heart beats
like a metronome

It puts me to sleep

Driving in the midnight
close to the light

Can't stop speeding
my life is fleeting

Before my eyes
Before I die

Kiss me goodbye
please don't cry

This is it
This is the end

I just want security
And somehow
For my heart to be *free

scruffy plaid flannels
pink ring imprints
flakes of snow flurry
naked trees against the skyline

watching the sunrise
5 o' clock in the morning
worried looks, slight smiles
these things that are mine

Repeatedly I say
“I am okay, I am okay”
I know there is no worry
No sorrow, nor pain
or quite anything to gain

there is no luck
or fear, nor strife
things are rigid and bland

boring and ordinary
but that makes life
extraordinary

the little, the meager
the things that
leave you eager

simple, and strange
even the deranged
makes me crack a grin

looking at the future
working mysteriously
and leaving curiously

become an empty shell
and let everything
collapse and meld

forget things
move forward
dont hesitate
on the awkward

forgive and solve issues
clean bad blood
and keep things pure
and mature

dont linger
on the past
lets things fly fast

confusion is your
best friend
keep it close
and be a good host

stay empty
cause then you
are nothing
no one to bother
or smother

A fruitful summer night reveals the thoughts of the mother
Fire a light, illuminating in the dusk, awaiting the smother
A sweeping, swaying, twirling breath rips through the gloom
Tearing apart the luscious flowerets which in the sun bloom

Empty headed, and thin skulled, we lurk, pace and crawl
Forget, forget, forget, then remember and reminisce and hurt
Thick skinned, and heavy footed, we stomp, scavenge and maul
Destroy, destroy, destroy, then build and burn and ruin

"Life's too short to even care at all"
I sing over and over in this empty space
No I don't care, I don't care at all
Everything is finally in its place
I overlook the evil,
The twisted, the bad, the hurtful--
And see the brightness in all.

All of us have fallen once in our lives
And all of us have had our time to thrive
The flaws we see, are only in our eyes
And to others we are just as beautiful
As the of stars are in the night sky.

Why are you doing this?
You fog my vision
Until I am unable to see
What is happening to me?

What did I ever do to you
To get this all of a sudden
Do you think this is funny?
Because I am not amused.

Just spit it out
Say what you are
Why conspire against me?
What will it take for you to see

What you are doing to me.

Because honestly
How can you not spot my anger
My rage, the thing that drives me mad
And keeps me going for days

Just spit it out, spit it out
We all can see, we all know
Just show it, embrace it
And I won't be like this anymore.

C'mon c'mon, what are you waiting for?
I know deep down in the center of your hearts core
There is still something in store for me
What are you doing?

Just open your eyes and see.

This is so painful for me
It's utterly confusing
What I think is never right
When I am wrong it is right

Everything is in a twisted knot
One that can never be straight again
So please just let it go,
And let everything show.

Just be happy, smile
Live your life for a while
Do not give up
And I will help and not stop

So please just listen for once
To my rants and my shouts
Maybe then you will learn something
And not just sit around and pout

Its not  just me, its everyone
So please do not lose control
For I know
You are a twisted knot

*One that will never be straight again.

The petals dance above me
Each swirling in its unique way
Everyone is a petal
Individual but the same
Each swirling on the same path
But each headed to a destiny
only they can fulfill

Some are lost, gone or destroyed
And the dance slows
Becomes less of magical
And soon none are left
No individuals
Just all the same
Petals falling off a tree

Bleached walls, and incandescent lights
The mind illustrates it’s own world
With dreams, desires and abstractions
What it wants, but can never have

Droned out vocalization, and exaggerated sighs
The mind fills in the gaps
With chatter, remarks and laughs
What it wants, but can never have

Concrete floors, and tiled ceilings
The mind creates it’s own scenery
With grasses, mosses and trees
What it wants, but can never have

Constant progression, and flooded walkways
The mind orchestrates it’s own utopia
With sunshine, breeze and cloudless skies
What it wants, but can never have

my tears are falling one by one
I wont stop until the day is done
until the sky extinguishes the sun
I will wait for happiness to come

my mind retraces the same lines
the same memories
the same times
it screams "I miss you, I need you..
where are you?"

I walk this empty night
the thin branches dance
the stars gleam and twinkle
the chill seeps down to my bones
into to my heart,  
then reaches to my toes

my head is flooded
judgement already muddled
lost inside my mind
locked safe where no one can find--

those thoughts that make me cringe,
make me shake with fear
I dont want to worry you my dear


"but where are you?"

This confusion is taking its toll,
the things that make me happy,
are gone and I'm losing control.

I hope you know,
that it's just you,
who has my heart,
and I cant afford to,
lose you too.

I glance at the bottle,
my hand, her heart,
back to the hand,
where rests the same--
white pills that keep me going.

I stare at the white,
the colour of innocence,
purity, and now grief,
and instant pleasure.

To lose you would be,
the last thing that happens to me,
I can't take another loss,
I can't cope with all this debris.

You can't fix me, you can try,
to help and give reassurance,
so many others have,
but things always go awry.

I will stop, I swear I will,
this is the one habit,
I have to ****.

I'm sorry I am this way,
maybe you should just forget about me,
leave, and don't stay
so you can save yourself from,
the cloud of pain that surrounds
my broken heart.

Skin deep
the wound--
you cannot see.
I make my own music
melody of life,
an insatiable rhythm
only for me.
*******,
I am okay--
sleeping
my days away.
The sun burns,
blinds my eyes
there's nothing left
to cry.
I'm a wild thing,
you cannot tame me--
bad ******* do it
I swear I can prove it.
Back away,
I bite, I claw
I cry--
out for more,
to feel and to burn,
my heart has been stolen
and will forever be yours.

the lone wolf cries
welps, squeals, yells
hoping for the magpie
to carry her song

spread it around
someone has to hear
the sad sad sound
of a lone wolf shot down

Ring imprints are where your heart lies too
So so far away, both feeling very blue
Constant reminders of why I am here
No wonder I can't even shed a single tear

I can't say
what comes to mind
when your eyes--
are locked with mine

I can feel my tongue roll
those few simple vowels
but my vocal cords
can't utter a single syllable

I start my sentences
but never end them
because I shun myself
into submission

I want to but I can't
so I will forever sit here
like there is nothing to be said
and my heart will be melting--

to just spit out those simple sounds

do not worry about me
I will find my own way
alone and sorry

what does it feel like,
to be worthless--
poor and *****,
cold and hungry?

or can you be well fed
loved, and filled with hope,
but still be worthless?

can you live your normal life
with a smile on your face
dancing around, singing--
laughing and hugging.

but then you can't eat
you shake at night,
over sleep, or under sleep
and do things to get rid of the pain.

is that what it feels like to be worthless?
to not have anyone by your sides
in order to keep you standing.

or to not feel anything,
when someone says
"I love you"

and when you see the people who
once loved you, walking happy
and content-- all you can do
is smile and wave--

even though you're all --
broken up inside,
no matter what you scream,
they will never hear you.

is that it?
can someone please tell me
the meaning
of this word


worthless.

In doing this
You're hurting me more
I hope you know
I feel lost, empty, confused
I just want our bond, renewed

This is so hard for me
To stand idly, when you're so close
I can reach you, but not touch you
And that is slowly killing me

My voice was heard,
But basically rejected
And I have been infected
By this never ending pain
That's all I ever retain

I'm sorry, I'm so so so sorry
I caused this, this strain
I just can't help it
That I have such strong feelings
That will never go away

                               *I'm sorry...