I want out, but that's a joke

I'm not going to make it to Europe or the islands
I'm not going to make it to the city
some days i can't even make it out of bed

why
everything passes my eye
spinning
years and years I still can't explain the motion

then there's the hate
I'm screaming to get up, to stop
to be normal

but within  a second I'm sobbing to empty walls
I try to be quiet
but it's tearing through my lungs

I'm a lost cause
there's no cure
for my mind

so don't bother
your efforts, your support,
its all a waste of time
for a girl who
is cheating her life

I'm sitting here
face solemn
waiting for just one person
to question why
and suddenly
I know
they can't see
they can't hear
they are living for themselves

I get up
gaze locked to the floor
now I just have to wait
till everything shatters and the floor
escapes my feet
I don't question it
and they won't see

I'm halfway out
they still don't hear my moans late at night
I wonder if there even real
my only question for them
is what will happen when I'm gone

let me go
walk thousands of miles
up the hills
through the brush
scream to the moon and stars
and laugh under the rays


let me go
cuz I'm the rope pulling you down
you don't see me
but I'm there
and you need to escape

You don't deserve the burn
or the late nights


let me go
I'm getting more and more tangled
and I need help
but
you're so much better
use your skills on someone else
find a ribbon
silk on you're fingertips
pretty in color

just let me go

I try too hard
I make you want to leave
when all I want for you is to stay

I cry too much
I give you headaches
when all I want for you is to dry my tears

I complain too much
I make you scream
when all I want is your warm embrace

in the dead of night
you've finally got away

I'm too numb
I can't feel a thing
even when I lost control

all I wanted was to be your 'want'
and amongst the white walls
sterile scent
I'm realizing maybe
you were right

I was just too much

i've got nothing left
my smile is like miniscule shards of glass
each part so pointy
no one wants to touch and make it curve

and they've past me
time and time again
I've become accustomed to their feet crushing me

I wait
soon enough the snow
will burden me whole
and I'll be a lifetime away

summer sun
winter snow

complete opposites
both made her feel

one made her sanguine
one made her shallow

and  in- between them both
the fleeting fall
or the swift spring

it was always the same
she wished
she was with him

his calm serene was a dose
she couldn't seem to find
even in the yellow rays
or the endless white

and at the end she realized
she couldn't find him
because he wasn't meant to stay
he was destined for greater things