Let me tell you,
I didn't relentlessly tell you
about my scars and wounds
so you could just
cut them wide open.

Let me tell you,
I expected you to help me,
to heal me, to hold me
but you just reawakened
my pain.

– apbq, not everyone deserves second chances

When you told me that you love me
I knew
I knew,
I would love you for a long time
and the entirety of you would leave a mark
in all corners of my heart,
in all corners of my mind.

Perhaps, time was never be on our side.
Perhaps, the universe played us too many times.
Perhaps, we tried too much or we didn't.
But I'll never forget when you said "I love you"
I knew,
I knew,
You're going to be a big heartache.

– apbq, i knew, i knew, but that didn't stop me from loving you.

I listened to you talk about the person you used to love.
You didn't describe her like rainbows and butterflies.
You made it seem like she was all chaos and hurricanes.
Yet in the end, you still chose to be with her.

― apbq,  so what made you change your mind?

I used to be her. I used to be the person you'd take out for wings and beers, the person you'd share silly songs to, the person you used to point to when you feel like the lyrics hit you.

I used to be her. I used to be the person you spend hours texting, the person you call when you have no where else to go. I used to be her, the person you spend hours on an empty parking lot with, even if it starts to drizzle, you wouldn't mind.

I used to be her, the person you kiss and hug tightly, the person you couldn't bare spending days away from, the person you greet once your eyes meet the daylight.

But I realized, it wasn't really me. It was never about me.

It was still her. Everything was, is, and will be about her. I just convinced myself that maybe, it can be about me. But I guess it still wasn't.

― apbq,  i was just the girl who was there when she wasnt

maybe we didn't really fall out of love.
maybe we just refused to give each other up.
or perhaps you were to blame,
for you stopped choosing "us" when that day came.
i know i didn't.

― apbq, when i used to say 'always' i meant it

even a bee,
forgets and leaves,
even the most beautiful flower,
once it extracts
everything
from it.

I always feared that the stars didn't align for us
but still words flowed between us,
letters floating through cyber space,
tinged with unspoken love.
Love we half-acknowledged.
Love that wouldn't be.