why do i sit in a corner?
why don't i have friends?
cause, i may die soon,
that kinda depends

"depends on what?", you say
depends on if i mess things up
" you did nothing wrong" you said
you say that like you really give a ****

you thought we were close
you thought we would last
well kiddo,
that's a thing of the past

in a world of happiness,
i always frown
when everyone out there has friends,
i'm just the loner

leave the loner be
i'm gonna die anyways

some people ask me why i call myself "apathy,"
they know its mysterious. its an emotion. sometimes, people ask me why I'm referring myself to an emotion
i never answer their questions
and now i am
once upon a time, in a land, not so far away,
lived a girl living in shame
she was losing her best friend,
she was losing her freaking mind,
she was even loosing herself
and in that, she lived a world of neglect, or crying, of depression, of pain
she was sick of it,
she was tired of it all
she didn't want to break and fall
and upon her journey into darkness,
she met someone.
the person helped her,
the person tried to show her the light,
the person tried to give her "potion"
this person tried to fix the girls sadness
it did not work
she tried every potion in the book,
and even went to someone for guidance, for help
nothing fixed it
and upon that, someone else appeared
she tried to fix the girl too
she brought her closer to the light,
the girl was nearly there,
but the darkness called her back
it only made things worse
people wanted her to see the light,
they wanted her to stay away from the dark
she couldn't fight
her demons caught up with her,
they killed her inside
she couldn't comprehend
she couldn't speak,
she couldn't cry,
she couldn't function,
she didn't feel anything but pain
but the pain did end,
and then she felt nothing,
and always will feel nothing
and that's when the name came
she started to call herself "apathy"
her real name was too happy
and to that we say, happy never after

what do you think when you read the word heartbreak?
the ever constant ache,
all of the smiles we have to fake
all the pain we have to face
when are we going to close this stupid case?
the thought of them in our mind that takes so much effort to erase
it will never end

as the days go by,
you can't help but cry
it is so hard you would rather die
you don't know that good people do drop by
and with the heartbreak, the time never seems to go by

but you did nothing wrong
so why are you the one playing all the sad songs?
being the one who can't tell right from wrong
there's no way your going to move along
maybe the pain is life long
nothing else can go wrong

at this point, life may ****
you feel suddenly life your love is out of luck
you will no longer be love struck,
the pain just seems to ascend
and it never seems to end

what heartbreak means to you may be different to me,
you may see it completely differently
but heartbreak is still heartbreak,
no matter how much pain you will face

just stricken by pain

heartbreak road has no end
you really need a friend,
but you just lost your best friend

today, i walk away
from you
from the pain
from the tears

tomorrow,
the past will be behind me
and you'll be sad,
for once,
and i'll be happy,
for once

walking away from this life
is all i can do anymore

i need to walk away
you need me to walk away

so here i go,
im leaving,
im walking away,
but your not loving me
will always stay

how did i turn to this dead end?
how did it get this bad?
there's no turning back now
i have no where else to go

i can't go forward,
I've already been to far back
how the hell do i get back on track?

there has been no questions answered
no apologies accepted
no smiles
nothing but silence and heartbreak hovering over me
how did i get to this point?

it all started with heartbreak
all of the risks we had to take
I'm followed by this haze
wondering, when will i get out of this maze?

i made my decisions,
i wish we could have a revision
i turned left on this maze,
and still,  for you, I'm crazed

your voice blares through the speaker
my soul is getting darker and darker
i can't stand it
but i know i can't quit

with every step,
it feels like i have misstep
the torture is getting worse
its like I'm cursed
and i know the end
is not near
get me out of here

I'm stuck in this heartbreak maze
i hurt in so many ways
its all because of you
how was i supposed to know that you're love for me wasn't true?

i hope you're happy
because i am unhappy
I'm going to die soon
from my big heart bruise
i hurt way too much inside
the pain will never subside

who knew heartbreak could ****?
i know you're having a thrill
don't be happy much longer
soon enough, your guilt won't make you any stronger

so here i am,
stuck behind these walls
i know you don't care at all
i sit here and give my last brawl
how did our love ever fall?

i hope you got what you wanted,
now I'm gone

i am prometheus
you are the bird.

as i sit here chained,
i can't control what happens,
i can't end this torture,
i can't end the pain

and now, day by day, you eat out my soul
i know you enjoy it,
you live life and laugh,
making fun of all my pain

for i am prometheus, ain't that so?
or maybe a 15 year old girl hurt by an old foe
i don't know
all i do know is,
why can't you just stop?
stop eating my soul out,
stop torturing me

can't you just end this my zeus?

If you wanted to know, how it feels.
It feels like your restrained,
From being happy.
Like your being held back from being okay.

And, honestly,
It's not easy

It's like being sore or in pain,
and not being able to show it,
No matter how much pain your in.

The problem with it is,
the people that seem happiest,
often are the most depressed

That's why its so hard to tell if someones depressed

It's also one of the hardest things to deal with,
The sadness.
The hopelessness.
The numbness.
And yet people still keep a smile on there face.

when it gets so bad.
and people die,
because they cant take it anymore
everyone says "I didn't know it was that bad"
well, they didn't want you to know it was that bad

that's what I hate about depression,
people suffer in silence,
and don't have anyone that supports them,
and when they are gone,
everyone is shocked,
because no one knew they were depressed

So please,
People out there,
don't suffer in silence,
talk to someone,
talk to me,
because I care,

I know how depression feels
and the fake smiles,
and all the "i'm fines"
I know depression ***** ***,
but, please
don't suffer in silence,
because that's what i do,
don't be me,
please

knees shaking
heart pounding
why here? why now?

memories flash through my head,
I wish the weren't there
get out of my head,
now, in class, is not the time to relive these painful memories

and then I start panting,
i'm turning white
am I running out of breath?

I have to leave,
before I turn into an anxiety driven monster
but i'm chained to my desk
I can't get up

WHAT SHOULD I DO? WHAT SHOULD I DO? WHAT SHOULD I DO?

I bang my head on my desk,
I hope to pass out,
but then I realize,
i'm having anxiety

HELP ME!!!!

sometimes you wish you could let it go
you've been holding your feelings in for far too long
and you want to break,
and bend,
and just let it go

you want to stop hiding
every bad feeling you feel
because keeping it all in,
will never let your broken heart heal

you cant do this anymore,
you can't keep it in
but you cant let it go

please let it go,
it will help you heal,
conceal don't feel,
let it go

here I am, once again,
in my corner, music in my ears,
and there's everyone around me,
enjoying time with there friends.

maybe for a change,
I don't want to be the person people ignore,
I am like an outsider,
i mean nothing, nothing at all

there is a wall between me and the world
I try to climb it,
I try to break it, or even chip at it,
I try to stop the essence of this wall from torturing me
but I fail, and don't succeed one bit

it hurt at first,
that no one cares
but over time,
you get used to it

but as time goes on,
and nothing changes,
with the loneliness,
the ostracization,
i grow content

maybe they were right,
i am nothing,
nothing but an outsider looking in

over time,
you loose home
**** happens,
if you didn't already know

i lost everyone
i just can't stay strong
and now,
i'm lost, confused and broken

people promised me it would get better
life continued to get worse
they said it could only get better,
well, i'm rock bottom

i'm not going anywhere
i'm staying here
i can't do anything about it
i'm rock bottom

i can't go up,
i can't go down,
i can't get help
i can't move on

when you're  rock bottom
people tell you the only way is up,
they are wrong
i

bring a sledgehammer
i know you're going to break my heart

you broke me,
you broke me so easily
i'm broken
and its because of your ignorance

you ****,
i hate you
your the worst

why don't break my heart too?
you already broke my trust
so finish me off

bring a sledgehammer,
bring an axe
bring anything,
just break my heart
but you've already done enough to **** me

**** me,
break my heart,
you know you want to

some listen to pop
and like lady gaga
some listen to rap
and like tupac
abut me, i'm different

i listen to what is considered,
"emo music," or "goth music,"

so what does it matter,
if i listen to black veil brides,
or even of mice and men

music is music,
and that music saved my life

" i'm just tired,"
" its been a long day,"
"i'm sick,"
" i'm stressed,"
they are all excuses I use every single day

one day,
people will look past my excuses,
then, what will I say?

i'm not tired, i'm depressed
it hasn't been a long day, its been an endless one
i'm not sick, i'm just dying inside

when will the excuses end?
when can I stop lying?
I've already stopped fighting

you can make excuses for almost everything
but not when your dead

trust is filled and spilled,
its lost and gained,
its stolen and given
and still, i trust no one

every single time i trust someone,
they hurt me
so why do i trust at all?

somethings are broken,
but sometimes,
they never get fixed

how do i trust someone,
when all they ever do is hurt me?

its like a loop,
it constantly terrorizes me,
at first,
i don't trust you, out of fear,
out of insecurity,
but then i let you in,
ever so slowly,
and then, when i'm not noticing,
you turn it all around,
you hurt me.
you hurt me over and over again

when i'm done with being hurt,
i move on,
just to find someone else to be friends with,
to trust,
and then to get hurt by all over again

i thought at 15,
your supposed to learn how to cook,
how to go out in the real world,
to prepare for college or your future
but i'm not learning that,
i'm learning how mean people can be

so, Kayla,
Sarah,
Haley,
Kelsey
Miss Shaddock,
and now Emmaliegh,
how do i trust again?

all you ever did was hurt me,
was it really that hard just to be a good person?
why did you hurt me?
i thought i could trust you,
now, i trust no one,
and that's because of you

i know i'm hurting,
but i can't do anything
i know i'm dying,
but i can't save myself

i make steel walls
i brace for impact
my walls are impenetrable
you won't even chip it

you think i can trust you,
you think i'm fine
you don't know
how close i am to taking my life

I feel so ugly,
so out of place.
So worthless,
like I have the world to face.

Life pushes me,
this time I don't fight back.
I sit there and let it push me,
further,
further,
further down.
Nearly down a well of nothingness.

Here I am,
This is where I will stay.
I am happy this way

Happy feeling depressed.
Happy feeling worthless.
Happy feeling and being ugly.

I don't belong anywhere,
nowhere at all.

maybe, i don't fit in
maybe i don't belong
this place hasn't been right for me
since everything went wrong

i walk, the lonely streets
i search for something deep inside of me
but i find nothing,
nothing but blue

i feel blue
always, forever blue
the days are lonely,
the nights are cold
but i will always be blue

as i walk along the busy streets
and the lights of this city
i begin to think, its not worth it
i dont matter, not one bit

i walk, the lonely streets
i search for something deep inside of me
but i find nothing,
nothing but blue

i feel blue
always, forever blue
the days are lonely,
the nights are cold
but i will always be blue

when did it begin?
when does it end?
when will i be happy again?
always blue
forever sad
i am nothing

i feel blue
always, forever blue
the days are lonely,
the nights are cold
but i will always be blue

i feel blue
always, forever blue
the days are lonely,
the nights are cold
but i will always be blue

im just blue
never happy
never smiling
just blue,
so blue
only blue
i am very blue

I'm glad i was forced to say goodbye to you
I'm glad i had to
i may have missed you before,
i will never miss you again

you turned evil,
you turned into a witch
more like a *****

we parted at just the right time
i no longer have to face you
i don't have to deal with you,
and all of your ****

you were simply a *****,
you are mean
you were extremely mean to me
and now, you're not my problem

you're gone
I'm gone
i hope you miss me,
cause I'll never miss you

oh look,
its a *****!

i look in the mirror,
i want to see a skinny girl,
a beautiful girl,
but i don't

all i see is me,
ugly,
fat,
stupid,
worthless,
unhappy

i'm not like them,
they are pretty,
they are skinny,
they are smart,
they are worth something,
they are happy

sometimes,
i want to break that ******* mirror,
I've already had enough bad luck
whats the difference if i have more

sometimes,
i want to break down and cry,
i don't want to show my skin,
i don't want to show my fat
i don't want to fake smiling anymore

we all have our flaws,
i have so many,
i am a flaw

why the hell,
did you pity me?

deal with it,
i had my issues
your pity,
makes me feel like ****

we all have our bad days
so forget it, leave me alone
i don't need your pity

only if you knew
what my life is really like
they you'd give me so much pity
it would overwhelm me

i may loose everyone
i may loose everything
just don't feel pity for me

I started the first day of my sophomore year with excitement
I wanted this year to be a better year
I finish the year depressed annoyed and *******
This year wasn't a better year
I used to speed down the hallway to get to class
Now I dread going
I know the year is almost over
But I want to give up
This year was tough
I can't concentrate
I barely sleep
Why?
One word
Finals!

I think about you every single day
I miss you way more than I miss being happy
Sure, we fought allot
but is that worth all my pain and suffering?

All the tears
All the anger
All the pain
Was that worth it leaving you?
I don’t know

I lost myself last year
I got caught up in my own pain
I never even realized,
What it would do to you

I sit there in class
And I look at you
Thinking, is there anything I can do?
But yet again, will we fight?

The one thing that's holding me back
Do I have the will to go back to you?
Most importantly, do you want to
This is your choice

I know I was stupid
I know I was wrong
All those letters, I lost myself in them
I wish I could fix that

Can we fix what’s broken?
Will you trust me again?
Can I believe you won’t hurt me?
I don’t know

It’s too hard to forget the unforgettable
The past is never the past to me
People told me to move on, forget about it
I told them no

You mean way too much to me
I can’t live another second without you
Give me a chance to show you, I’ve changed
Give me a second chance
I’ll do anything
I would die to have that chance again
You are my everything

If you say no, I’ll cry every night
If you say yes, things will change
I had to leave to back then, it wasn’t my choice
And I know, deep inside, you would come back
That’s just who you are

Some people tell me to stop
I will never stop
I’m nothing without you

Please forgive me, for everything
I was wrong
Nothing was right
I can’t stand avoiding my friends because of you
Forgive me, please

its going to be 6 years,
or maybe 7
since you've been gone

I miss you,
I miss you so bad
you are the best friend
right now that I wish I had

this holiday is tough
I wish you were here
and I wish,
I wish you were near

on Christmas morning,
i'll think about you
and on that day,
I won't be blue

I love you

its the word that kills us all its more then a prolonged sadness; its a monster. it takes over the best of us and turns us into horrible creatures. it ruins lives, it turns families on each other, it ruins friendships, it makes you fail out of school, it gets you fired, it ruins your dreams, your goals; everything. it hurts you over and over again until you stop trying. and even then, after you give up on trying and you give up on yourself, it still likes to torture you. depression is like the friend that comes back in your life over and over again. when people tell you it gets better, depression slaps you in the face and tells you that it never gets better. depression takes the happy person in you and never gives it back. it likes to beat you up. guess what? you never heal. no white capsule in the world can **** the monster embedded inside you. yes, it won't make you miserable, but the monster never leaves. it waits and waits for the right time to come back and pounce. you can fight against it for the rest of your life, but you will never win. you can try as hard as you can, but you will never truly win. no one ever wins. that why i'm giving up

i walk down the hallways,
i don't want to be here anymore

life is pointless,
i don't want to be alive

i tell my friends how i'm feeling,
they are concerned,
but i didn't want them to be

i walk away,
i don't want help
my friends say its the only way out.
but to me, suicide is the only way

they go and get me help anyways,
in there minds it was what's best
they tell the people what i told them,
they were worried

i hid my face behind my hair
i was going to hurt myself,
i was scared
i was going to commit suicide

two hours later,
i get called down to guidance,
i was honest,
my honesty saved me

from there,
the doctors,
from there the hospital

i waited,
i slept,
i watched tv,
i cried,
i did nothing

and finally, i met with a doctor
once again,
i was honest

my diagnosis:
clinical depression and anxiety

like father, like son
my dad hit my mother, now you hit me
who the hell are you?

the first time you hit me,
I thought,
he was just mad, it won't happen again

and then the second time,
I just assumed,
he's stressed out over school

and then came the fourth,
and the fifth,
and the sixth
it never ends

while I have done nothing do deserve this
she has done EVERYTHING
but, there's always an excuse every single time
am I like her?
I HOPE NOT!!!!

now I know,
like father,
like son

and now, strength I have none,
but fear I have tons

home:

my house is hell, its the fiery pit we all call hell.
my family is the devil, and I'm its victim.
the "devil" likes to throw everything its got at me making remarks and pointing out everything I do, just making me remember every second of my pathetic life,  that my home really is hell.
I get home from the prison they call school and get off the bus to hell, not expecting what the devil will do to me this time.
my devils see who I really am as a bunch of lies.
they question me as a person every single day.
I have to face not one devil, but three.
I wish I could avoid all of my devils, but hell, I ain't gonna get rejoice in my lifetime.
I have made no decisions that would put me in heaven nor in hell when I die, but I live in hell, I learn at hell, and I deal with the devil day by day of my life.
there is no god in my life, there is no light at the end of the tunnel; its just a dark inferno hell.
you may question the decisions you make all the time because it may be the difference of heaven or hell, but that does not apply to me, I already live in hell, and there's no way I'm getting out of the devils wrath.
the smoke of hell chokes me, leaving me to gasp for air when there is no mercy.
to me, hell is like Harry Houdini ready to escape from his magical glass box, only that I'm not Houdini, so there's really no way of escaping.
I am trapped, suffering from the lack of water and air. Houdini had it easy, he could actually escape.
but unlike him, there's no way out of hell.
the devils take your soul and with the touch of there hands, the piercing stab of there words, insults, arguments, it turns your heart cold, limp, lifeless, numb.
but home isn't my only hell.
day by day; I live in a personal hell being mocked, ridiculed for my mistakes, just torn to shreds
. every step I take is burning the soles of my shoes; my feet.
no matter how far away from home I am, I'm still in hell

when i heard you called
my heart skipped a beat
i haven't talked to you in years
why are you calling me

of coarse i missed you
why wouldn't i?
i haven't had you in my life
but i still watch my life pass by

why are you calling all of a sudden?
i still love you, and i miss you,
but your so far away

i want to hear your voice
but i still wonder,
why are you calling?

what happened to the bond we had?
is this love?

you say you regret it,
but i know you don't
you keep on apologizing,
i know you're not sorry

you know what you did,
you hurt me bad
and despite that,
you want me to come back?

you broke my heart
over and over again
so why the hell,
would i let you back in

you befriended my sister
she didn't know
you impressed my brother
ew, gross
my mother loves you
my father hates you,
so don't i

but baby, don't you ever come back,
ever!!

when i was younger,
too oblivious to understand what was going on,
i didn't know what was happening.
we would play a little game
hiding in the hallway,
running in and out of my room,
laughing, having fun.
well, we were too young to understand what was going on.

i didn't understand until years later,
that when we were playing games,
my parents were fighting,
getting closer and closer to there divorce

years later, i now understand what happened,
but now, i honestly wish i didn't...
because my family was broken,
and i'm broken now too

you can call me anything,
"ugly"
"fat"
"******"
"stupid"
"dramatic"
"annoying"
yo­u can call me anything,
those words don't tear me down
just don't call me retarted
it kills me

i sit in the cold
angry, frustrated, fed up,
done

i dont move,
not an inch
all i can do is think

as time ticks by,
my begin to feel numb,
like my heart,
like me

and then they get cold,
like my heart,
like me

and then they get warm
just like me

things get happy before they become numb
same thing happened with my hands
same thing happened with my heart

my point is,
you feel darkness,
for a long time

and for a second,
you see the light,

and then you feel nothing
and now,
you will always be numb

here I am
left alone,
broken,
and torn

no one seems to care
no one asks why,
I am forcing myself not to cry

they just let me live through life
with all of the pain in my eyes
they don't care,
about all the burdens I bear

so I sit alone,
because I have no one
and with life,
i'm just done

there's nothing left to give up on,
my demons have already won

urgh
i'm so stressed

my pile of work used to be so small
just a few things
but it grew
and grew
and grew
it may fall on me

when I thought it wouldn't get bigger,
it did
it's still growing
it will never end

its been two weeks
I haven't made a dent
my pile of work will never end

its like a plague,
it spreads through my body

first, my head,
first it crawls into my skull, causing its poison to clip in the cracks
and then the poison seeps into my brain, making me feel like everyone hates me
it kills my nerves,making my emotions go away

then to my chest
it travels down my spine and around my ribs, crushing my ability to breathe
and it clogs my arteries, getting closer to the source
then, it finally gets to my heart, breaking it instantly
at this point, i am to broken to utter anything, i stay silent like a winters night

from there, it goes down
it kills off my liver, making me scream ****** ******
it makes my kidneys shrivel, making me fall
stays inside the intestines, making me hurl and *** my pants
i am nearly dying, but it still goes on

its poison is to much, and i die

its the day that the loneliness poison finally killed me
at least i won't be lonely in hell

we were driving
but we were driving way to fast

didn't know she was drunk,
didn't know she was under the influence
didn't know anything

and here i was,
in the car,
with my drunk mother

i knew we were going fast,
i really didnt care
i just wanted my mom to get out of my hair

as we turned a corner,
my mother turned on the gas
we were going way too fast

she was giggling and laughing,
just as a drunk person would be

my mother was drunk and driving,
and i was in the car

i secretely hoped she would hit another car,
as she accelerated,
i hoped that the car would get totaled,
and i would die

dont drink and drive

I walk around aimlessly
I realize more and more,
I have no purpose for life

I don't want to go home
I don't want to cover up the frown I have to hide
its better if I crawled up and died
because im already dying inside

if I just wander around like this forever
it will help everyone around me
they won't have to deal with me
and the demons I possess

they win this time
im done
with life,
with fighting back

im gone,
and im never coming back

my demons have won
and now im dead,
and forever gone