I walk around aimlessly
I realize more and more,
I have no purpose for life

I don't want to go home
I don't want to cover up the frown I have to hide
its better if I crawled up and died
because im already dying inside

if I just wander around like this forever
it will help everyone around me
they won't have to deal with me
and the demons I possess

they win this time
im done
with life,
with fighting back

im gone,
and im never coming back

my demons have won
and now im dead,
and forever gone

I know it's just a number.
but it's not to me,
to me, it's a score.

What kind of score?
not a sports score.
Not a test score, for class,
or a quiz score, for school,
but, a reality check.

I took a depression test,
for my new therapist.
40 was the minimum,
for Extreme Depression.
I got a score of 52.

It made me upset,
more than I already am.
Cause I didn't think what I am feeling is that bad,
now i'm really sad

we were driving
but we were driving way to fast

didn't know she was drunk,
didn't know she was under the influence
didn't know anything

and here i was,
in the car,
with my drunk mother

i knew we were going fast,
i really didnt care
i just wanted my mom to get out of my hair

as we turned a corner,
my mother turned on the gas
we were going way too fast

she was giggling and laughing,
just as a drunk person would be

my mother was drunk and driving,
and i was in the car

i secretely hoped she would hit another car,
as she accelerated,
i hoped that the car would get totaled,
and i would die

dont drink and drive

I need you
I need you really badly
im screaming out for you
im nearly calling your name,
asking you for help

im at my worst,
at my lowest
and yet you do nothing,
who are you?

you don't care about me
I hurt myself daily and you dont care
all you care about is everyone else
like all of the other times

im suffering the worst
and yet you just turn your head and walk away
don't you see,
I need you

so, if Im dead,
you wouldn't care either,
cause simply,
YOU DON'T CARE!!!!

I used to be a little "kid"
so happy,
so fun,
so free,
what the hell happened to me?

the happy little "kid" in me is now lost
things happened
I'm not a "little kid" anymore

when you watch your family rip at the seams,
when everything in your life falls apart
when you get abused over and over again
your now an adult
your life turned to **** pretty quick

why can't I be a " little kid," again?
my life is now ruled by fear
why can't I just have a day with no worries?
"adults" get no breaks

I may be young,
but my childhood innocence is gone
its gone and it's NEVER coming back

Things are changing
Things are changing real quick
You are leaving
I am staying
The school year is coming to an end

Things are changing
Things are changing for the better
You have a new job
I'm still the same person
All is well

I know things are changing
I know that when next year rolls by
I'll walk past your old classroom and try not to cry
Things are changing for a reason

That is why,
As the last few days roll by
I have to say goodbye
So, goodbye

I had this dream about a year ago
and now its back
we were in top of the empire state building
there was no explanation for it at all
we were standing there,
I was staring into your brown eyes
everything seemed fine
it was pouring and raining
but we didn't care
as long as the other person was there
suddenly I slipped
and I feel
you grabbed onto my hand
I held on for my dear life
I was so scared,
but for you,
that was not the same
you said nothing, still
you shook your head and said " I have to do this"
you let me go

I'm tired
too tired to care
I'm trying so hard
I know its not enough

I can't be fixed
please don't try
someday,
I'll be dead and gone
and you'll  move on

I just cant do this anymore
the days will go on,
but I will not

I am done
done with this misery people call "life:"
what's the point of life,
if we don't enjoy it?

Why do I live,
if the suffering is inevitable?
and don't ever stop feeling numb
when can I be done and gone?
i'm just a memory,
nothing art all

i can't do this anymore
i can't hold on
i'm hurting to much,
but i'm trying to stay strong

i'm so sick of hiding
what i feel
but its taking forever
for my wounds to heal

today i feel like **
tomorrow, i will feel worse
my heart can no longer take it
it may burst

why am i hurting so bad?
i'm so sad
i live a life full of regrets
what made my life so bad?

as i sit in my corner,
the darkness never goes away
so in the darkness,
i will stay

I wonder what its like to die
to get away from this horrible life
to stop suffering,
to be happy for once

i'll see you there,
and I hold you tight
and you'll tell me its alright

you'll look into my eyes and ask me,
" why are you here? your too young,"
and i'll say, " I was just done"

im done with my life here
my life is pointless

I want a taste of what she has

i want to be lying in a coffin,
peaceful as can be
i want out of my horrible life
as soon as possible

you wanted to get me help
but i just couldn't do it
you wanted to save me
but i'm already gone

i'm sitting in darkness
and you wanted to pull the blinds
it would hurt my eyes
i will cower and shrivel with pain
and then i'll hide

you can try and save me,
you can try and help
you can try and make me happy
it doesn't matter,
nothing matters

i'm already gone

honestly, why did you have to do this to me?
why did you leave me here?
why did you hurt me when i was already hurting?
you knew i was already in pain
when we fought it made it worse

after all the memories that we had
i watched our friendship fall apart
every single thing, gone
when we argued it just made me cry
is this really worth it if were just gonna continue to fight?

that's when i decided to end it
that's where the letter came in
it was to say goodbye and only goodbye
you looked at me with those brown eyes
then i knew, it was the right thing to do

every single day without you is bad
i told you that
i really wanted you back
i wanted back all the memories that we had
not the fights or the pain
not  my eternal suffering
i hold the key to our friendship in my hand
its my cell phone
one text to you brought me back to life

but you never replied
do you even want this back?
after everything i've tried to keep myself together
you just ******* off
maybe you don't want this at all
i thought i could forgive and forget but i cannot
maybe we weren't meant to be
that's why there calling a friendship recall

she was the girl,
the girl in the corner
the girl that didn't have friends,
the girl no one cared about

no one knew her name
we barely knew she was alive
none of us took the time,
just to say hi

if someone talked to her,
if we were nice to her,
maybe we could've saved her life

it was too late
the corner she used to sit in is empty
people now know her name,
she committed suicide

we were all to late

the day i finally get to go up to someone and say,
"this is who i am."

i'm depressed
i'm suicidal,
i cut myself
so what?

that semi colon on my wrist,
represents the life i didn't end
and represents the life i'm still living

something saved me,
and now i want to save someone else too

on 4/16, i will stay silent for those who let their inner demons win
because mine didn't, and i'm still here
416 strong

you think i'm yellow
happy,
vibrant,
but i'm really blue

on the outside, i'm happy,
but my inside, is not
you think i'm pink,
but i'm really blue

i'm always smiling,
but my smiles are fake,
i greet you kindly
i'm really in so much pain

i'm not yellow,
i'm not green,
i'm not pink,
i'm not anything,
but blue

my walls are thick,
three feet deep
that's why i'm protecting you
so you wont see the side of me i don't let people see

I build my walls so thick,
you cant break through
I build my walls so high,
you'll never be able to climb

I know, you want me to trust you,
but I cant
i'm afraid i'll get hurt again

I build my walls so high, so thick
that you cant get in
I know you want to be there
but i'm so scared

for months i have been ready,
I've wanted to give up
i feel like life is not worth it,
like there's no point in trying

people say all the time,
"don't give up on your dreams."
do they really know me?

i've been in my own boxing match for far too long,
i'm struggling to fight against myself
its almost time for a knock out
cause i'm done, and the fight is over

i'm not fighting to be happy
i'm not fighting to keep some person in my life,
i'm simply fighting to stay alive

since the day i turned to the dark
since the day i realized i was depressed and alone
since the day i started high school,
I've been a fighter

but.....

why fight when your gonna loose?
why run when your not fast enough?
why sing when you can't hit the right notes?
why try to keep it together when you know you can't?

is it worth it to loose the fight of your life?
is it worth it if you are in last place?
is it worth it if you never get a solo?
is it worth it when you are going to fall apart?

is life worth it?

how long can we hurt
before we fall apart

how long can we suffer
until it gets to much

weeks?
months?
years?
just tell me, how long?

we can only suffer for so long
until we break
or we fall

but, is it worth it at all?

cutting causes problems
it ruins friendships
it puts a wall between a mother and her daughter
it ruins everything
but it feels amazing

the feeling of the blade across your skin,
to see my blood,
to feel the pain,
to shiver from how cold the blade is,
its my only escape

it ruins lives,
but we do it anyways
its the only way some people feel anything
we do it to release anger, or pain

I don't regret it,
not one bit
it keeps me alive
it makes me feel real pain

it feels so good,
but its so bad for me

I should think its bad,
because it really is,
but I can't get over how much I love it,
I know its sick

this " self harm" is one problem
on a pile of millions
it is unsolved
and will always remain the same

jumping,
falling
splatting
crashing
to the ground I go

finally ending it all,
is this really the thing to do?

leaving no one behind,
that's my goal,
I just don't want them to suffer,
and get a heart full of holes

here I am,
inches from my death,
I think about my life,
and all the secrets that I kept

as the days pass,
I don't leave this spot
every single day I have the chance to make my decision
will I stay, or will I go?

maybe, someday, I'll go

effortless,
i'm in free fall
i can feel the gravity,
i can feel the wind, the warm air

i fall to my death
i'm going down
i'm falling deeper into darkness
how did it get like this?

i keep on falling,
i can't save myself
there's nothing around me,
just a pit of darkness

i can't get back up,
so i fall
i fall  for what seems like forever
and then i'm gone

I want to die
I want to end it all
I have to break,
and then i'll fall

I can't deal with this anymore
I really want to die
but I can't
I just can't leave anyone behind

no one knows how bad i'm hurting,
i'm hurting really bad
so bad,
i'll take my life for it

what are my wishes?
my wish is to die
and never live another day again,
and to leave this all behind

at first,
its so easy to act like its nothing,
to act like your fine,
but its not
and you still do it anyways

but then
things start to get to you
your hurt
you feel let down
but you still keep it on in

by the time you want to say something
its too late
and you have to deal with it forver

some life we live!

I know you,
I know you so well mom

I know you didn't love him
and I know you don't love me

so go ahead,
tell me the truth,
you don't love me

you never have, and you never will

why?
why do I have to feel horrible over and over again?
why am I the person that always suffers,
when no one else feels pain

I'm so sick of smiling,
when people are around
I just wish
my happiness will be found

I used to have hope
but that was before my heart broke
my old life cannot be found,
with depression I am now bound

what is pain?
what is life?
what's the point of anything?

if pain hurts so much,
then why do I try?

who am I?
what happened to me?
what happened to the little girl that used to be so happy?

its gone
its all gone
my happiness
hope
everything is gone
i'll never see the old me again

there once was a girl,
a girl that always sits in the corner
no one cared about her
until....
she was gone

funny thing is,
people don't realize how much you care about someone
until there gone forever
they didn't know they liked her,
until she left everyone's  life's

you may wonder where people who commit suicide go,
heaven or hell
no one knows
they may still be in our hearts,
near or far,
i'll tell you one thing,
they didn't leave you by car

they didn't just leave you though,
they left everyone on earth,
they left earth its self
they aren't coming back

there not living,
there not dead
there not anything,
but our gone "friends"

why?
why did I do it?
why did I start what I stopped?
why did I think of the things I shouldn't have thought?

so there I was,
blade in my hand,
getting ready to cut again

you ask me why?
why is it that out of everything,
the cutting is the thing I find?
I know its hard to hide,
but I don't mind

the pain is the thing I need
I feel the pain again as I bleed
I need something I can control
please don't call me a fool

I know I relapsed
but telling you was the only thing I could do

i want to ask you one thing,
what is love?
what did loving the wrong man bring?
just a husband you want to get rid of

i can't tell them about what you have been doing
it would **** me to see their reactions
you knew there were suspicions brewing
next time think about us before you take actions

is this love?
is defying your life, your husband, your kids love?
you think you're all high, mighty,and up above
you lying all the time, is it worth it?

i know you,
i now know how horrible you are,
you are only creating more and more scars
hope you know,
this will never be forgotten

make your choice mom,
keep on ******* this horrible man,
keep on being the horrible person you really are
or stay with us, stay with me
stay apart of our family

pick your choice,
the man you think you love but just ****,
or the children that don't know you well enough

mom, is being with this man love?
if him cheating on his wife you is love,
i never want to find it on my own

you, my mother are ****** up

i can't continue to struggle
i can't continue to hide
i can't deal,,
with my miserable life

can't you see?
i've made mistakes
i ruined my life
i can't face the pain,
not one more time

i know you don't realize,
they way that i feel,
i want you to know,
my feelings are real

i hope that you'll be happy,
when you notice that i'm gone
i'll be one less person in the world,
that has to "stay strong"

i'm so sick of lying,
so sick of hiding it all
that's why i'm leaving earth,
before i have to spill it all

don't try and safe me
i'm already gone

why did you let me go?
why did you let my heartbreak go?

why did you leave me out?
our relationship is done without a doubt

why?
do we all experience heartbreak?
why did you make my heart ache?
what was the point of all the risks i take?
i guess i didn't know i would break

why do i still hold on?
i'm still standing in front of you
i always stay strong
why aren't i crumbling in a ball?
and now, no one will break down my walls

so, please, tell me why
why did you have to lie?
why did you poison my heart?
why did we fall apart

just please, tell me why

This is it
This is the end
The end of us
The end of you being there

I am now nothing
Because I don't have you
That is why,
That is why I'm so blue

I now have no one to trust
You have to go, you must
It's okay
But I have to stay

You know I'm upset
I'm loosing my best friend
I'm loosing the one person
I know I can always trust

It's fine, honestly
I'm just loosing you

i'm tired of your ****
i'm hot from anger,
i'm sick of life's crap
i'm sick of you

don't you know?
my heart is bruised
its not because of her,
who abandoned me
its not because of those,
who hurt me,
it's because of you

sure they hurt me,
but it's nothing
its nothing,
compared to what you do
you make me hate you

you lied to me constantly,
you don't care for me at all
you bring be down,
you hate me,
i know you do

what kind of person are you?

you were a joy to be with
i smiled and laughed every time i was with you
you helped me when i was down
you picked me up off the ground

it was never the same again
you found someone better, someone new
together you did all the things we used to do
you laughed and smiled all the time
you opened your hearts to each other and shared everything
but you didn't know what that did to me

you're still in the picture" you said
i am, but i'm in the background
"you're still my best friend," you swore
i was your second favorite, never the less

when you gain one, you loose another
with that, you never seemed to be bothered
you just lost your best friend of 7 years
and now, we are only peers

there's something different
in my face,
in my eyes
i'm caught in a swirl of emotions
that i can no longer hide

that doesn't matter
i'm going soon
i will no longer
be terribly bruised

soon i'll be going
and then i'll be gone
i want you to know,
you did nothing wrong

as i get closer,
to my terrible death
your figuring it out
but are nearly close

i wish you knew
that i'm going
going,
and then i'm gone

what is life?
is it the constant pain,
the sadness,
the darkness

what is happiness?
is it love?
is it following your dreams
or getting your dream job

i dont know what happiness is
i have never experienced it

is life happiness,
or sadness

someone please tell me