I want to die
I want to end it all
I have to break,
and then i'll fall

I can't deal with this anymore
I really want to die
but I can't
I just can't leave anyone behind

no one knows how bad i'm hurting,
i'm hurting really bad
so bad,
i'll take my life for it

what are my wishes?
my wish is to die
and never live another day again,
and to leave this all behind

i walk down the hallways,
i don't want to be here anymore

life is pointless,
i don't want to be alive

i tell my friends how i'm feeling,
they are concerned,
but i didn't want them to be

i walk away,
i don't want help
my friends say its the only way out.
but to me, suicide is the only way

they go and get me help anyways,
in there minds it was what's best
they tell the people what i told them,
they were worried

i hid my face behind my hair
i was going to hurt myself,
i was scared
i was going to commit suicide

two hours later,
i get called down to guidance,
i was honest,
my honesty saved me

from there,
the doctors,
from there the hospital

i waited,
i slept,
i watched tv,
i cried,
i did nothing

and finally, i met with a doctor
once again,
i was honest

my diagnosis:
clinical depression and anxiety

i can't do this anymore
i can't hold on
i'm hurting to much,
but i'm trying to stay strong

i'm so sick of hiding
what i feel
but its taking forever
for my wounds to heal

today i feel like **
tomorrow, i will feel worse
my heart can no longer take it
it may burst

why am i hurting so bad?
i'm so sad
i live a life full of regrets
what made my life so bad?

as i sit in my corner,
the darkness never goes away
so in the darkness,
i will stay

jumping,
falling
splatting
crashing
to the ground I go

finally ending it all,
is this really the thing to do?

leaving no one behind,
that's my goal,
I just don't want them to suffer,
and get a heart full of holes

here I am,
inches from my death,
I think about my life,
and all the secrets that I kept

as the days pass,
I don't leave this spot
every single day I have the chance to make my decision
will I stay, or will I go?

maybe, someday, I'll go

why?
why do I have to feel horrible over and over again?
why am I the person that always suffers,
when no one else feels pain

I'm so sick of smiling,
when people are around
I just wish
my happiness will be found

I used to have hope
but that was before my heart broke
my old life cannot be found,
with depression I am now bound

what is pain?
what is life?
what's the point of anything?

if pain hurts so much,
then why do I try?

a girl wanted to read what I was writing today
she noticed that I've been writing poetry,
every day,
in choir class
as I was sitting there,
writing my feelings away,
she asked me what I was writing,
and I said " a poem"
and it went on from there

we talked about poetry and writing lyrics
its been the only conversation  I've had all week that hasn't ended with me being scared
or anxious,
or mad,
and definitely feeling like I was going to cry
she's a nice kid, happy innocent, and then there's me

she said she wanted to read my poetry,
I said I couldn't
my poems are to personal,
i'm afraid I might let her read the wrong poem,
and she will take things to far

so, she said, " if you do write something you want to share with me, i'll read it"
and I went back to the darkness

I used to be a little "kid"
so happy,
so fun,
so free,
what the hell happened to me?

the happy little "kid" in me is now lost
things happened
I'm not a "little kid" anymore

when you watch your family rip at the seams,
when everything in your life falls apart
when you get abused over and over again
your now an adult
your life turned to **** pretty quick

why can't I be a " little kid," again?
my life is now ruled by fear
why can't I just have a day with no worries?
"adults" get no breaks

I may be young,
but my childhood innocence is gone
its gone and it's NEVER coming back