cutting causes problems
it ruins friendships
it puts a wall between a mother and her daughter
it ruins everything
but it feels amazing

the feeling of the blade across your skin,
to see my blood,
to feel the pain,
to shiver from how cold the blade is,
its my only escape

it ruins lives,
but we do it anyways
its the only way some people feel anything
we do it to release anger, or pain

I don't regret it,
not one bit
it keeps me alive
it makes me feel real pain

it feels so good,
but its so bad for me

I should think its bad,
because it really is,
but I can't get over how much I love it,
I know its sick

this " self harm" is one problem
on a pile of millions
it is unsolved
and will always remain the same

knees shaking
heart pounding
why here? why now?

memories flash through my head,
I wish the weren't there
get out of my head,
now, in class, is not the time to relive these painful memories

and then I start panting,
i'm turning white
am I running out of breath?

I have to leave,
before I turn into an anxiety driven monster
but i'm chained to my desk
I can't get up

WHAT SHOULD I DO? WHAT SHOULD I DO? WHAT SHOULD I DO?

I bang my head on my desk,
I hope to pass out,
but then I realize,
i'm having anxiety

HELP ME!!!!

" i'm just tired,"
" its been a long day,"
"i'm sick,"
" i'm stressed,"
they are all excuses I use every single day

one day,
people will look past my excuses,
then, what will I say?

i'm not tired, i'm depressed
it hasn't been a long day, its been an endless one
i'm not sick, i'm just dying inside

when will the excuses end?
when can I stop lying?
I've already stopped fighting

you can make excuses for almost everything
but not when your dead

like father, like son
my dad hit my mother, now you hit me
who the hell are you?

the first time you hit me,
I thought,
he was just mad, it won't happen again

and then the second time,
I just assumed,
he's stressed out over school

and then came the fourth,
and the fifth,
and the sixth
it never ends

while I have done nothing do deserve this
she has done EVERYTHING
but, there's always an excuse every single time
am I like her?
I HOPE NOT!!!!

now I know,
like father,
like son

and now, strength I have none,
but fear I have tons

some people ask me why i call myself "apathy,"
they know its mysterious. its an emotion. sometimes, people ask me why I'm referring myself to an emotion
i never answer their questions
and now i am
once upon a time, in a land, not so far away,
lived a girl living in shame
she was losing her best friend,
she was losing her freaking mind,
she was even loosing herself
and in that, she lived a world of neglect, or crying, of depression, of pain
she was sick of it,
she was tired of it all
she didn't want to break and fall
and upon her journey into darkness,
she met someone.
the person helped her,
the person tried to show her the light,
the person tried to give her "potion"
this person tried to fix the girls sadness
it did not work
she tried every potion in the book,
and even went to someone for guidance, for help
nothing fixed it
and upon that, someone else appeared
she tried to fix the girl too
she brought her closer to the light,
the girl was nearly there,
but the darkness called her back
it only made things worse
people wanted her to see the light,
they wanted her to stay away from the dark
she couldn't fight
her demons caught up with her,
they killed her inside
she couldn't comprehend
she couldn't speak,
she couldn't cry,
she couldn't function,
she didn't feel anything but pain
but the pain did end,
and then she felt nothing,
and always will feel nothing
and that's when the name came
she started to call herself "apathy"
her real name was too happy
and to that we say, happy never after

i want to be lying in a coffin,
peaceful as can be
i want out of my horrible life
as soon as possible

you wanted to get me help
but i just couldn't do it
you wanted to save me
but i'm already gone

i'm sitting in darkness
and you wanted to pull the blinds
it would hurt my eyes
i will cower and shrivel with pain
and then i'll hide

you can try and save me,
you can try and help
you can try and make me happy
it doesn't matter,
nothing matters

i'm already gone

you say you regret it,
but i know you don't
you keep on apologizing,
i know you're not sorry

you know what you did,
you hurt me bad
and despite that,
you want me to come back?

you broke my heart
over and over again
so why the hell,
would i let you back in

you befriended my sister
she didn't know
you impressed my brother
ew, gross
my mother loves you
my father hates you,
so don't i

but baby, don't you ever come back,
ever!!