apathy

apathy Jun 2013

mom, dad,
did you realize what this would do to us?
how, we will never be the same,
because your divorced

why do you have to always bring up the past?
do you know how it makes us feel
mad, scared, sad
you name it

do you know how bad we feel,
when you tell us how horrible the other parent is?
we don't want to hear your opinions,
it just breaks our hearts

mom, don't call my dad a monster,
he's a nice guy
dad, don't tell us our mom uses people,
we love her so much

why can't you see what happened our family?
this, horrible, disheveled family
what used to be a happy together family,
is now one that is torn apart

we love you both so much,
but we love more you happy and together
why can't you be like that?

apathy Jun 2013

broken heart

from one event to another,
people, things, events shatter hearts or heals them,
but nothing compares to my broken heart

when you left me,
didn't you realize you would break a heart?
did you expect to break your best friends heart?

you moving on just made it worse
it was like you stabbed my already broken heart
didn't you do enough damage by leaving me?

through all the heartbreak, the crying, the pain,
i realized one thing
once a heart is broken, it will never be fully healed again

thanks for the permanent heart break, ex best friend

apathy Jun 2013

invisible

wherever i go i feel like a ghost
lost, hopeless, out of place
i run home with tears streaming down my face
no one ever sees my pain

i walk up to my friends unnoticed,
its like i don't even belong,
am i a ghost to them?

taking all my frustration out,
slamming the basketball down on the ground
so hard it goes flying
it makes me remember, its only the beginning
i'm going to be alone,left out and unaccepted much more

why can't anyone see me?
when will i be noticed by the people i need?

my friend thinks i'm a ghost too
she can't listen when i need her to
she was all i had left
and she left me

i have no patience left
no one can see me,
no one will ever see me again
i'm just the 15 year old ghost with no friends

apathy Jun 2013

the clock

tick tock, tick tock,
the seconds
tick tock, tick tock,
the hours
tick tock, tick tock,
the days since you have left
i keep on hearing the ticking of the clock,
its slowly driving me insane,
reminding me how long it's been
tick tock,
the days
tick tock,
the weeks
tick tock,
the months since you've been gone,
out of my life,
away from me, away from everything
it hurts so much
my heart will no longer tick tock, tick tock, like the clock
my clock is missing a piece,
my missing piece is you
you made my clock tick tock

and now, it no longer makes a sound

apathy Jun 2013

giving up

for months i have been ready,
I've wanted to give up
i feel like life is not worth it,
like there's no point in trying

people say all the time,
"don't give up on your dreams."
do they really know me?

i've been in my own boxing match for far too long,
i'm struggling to fight against myself
its almost time for a knock out
cause i'm done, and the fight is over

i'm not fighting to be happy
i'm not fighting to keep some person in my life,
i'm simply fighting to stay alive

since the day i turned to the dark
since the day i realized i was depressed and alone
since the day i started high school,
I've been a fighter

but.....

why fight when your gonna loose?
why run when your not fast enough?
why sing when you can't hit the right notes?
why try to keep it together when you know you can't?

is it worth it to loose the fight of your life?
is it worth it if you are in last place?
is it worth it if you never get a solo?
is it worth it when you are going to fall apart?

is life worth it?

apathy May 2013

unaccepted

all i ever feel is unaccepted
it really *****
i always wonder, when will people accept me
when will that happen?
a week
a month
a year
never,
then when?

i sit in the corner because i have no other choice
no one accepts me
they never have, never will
and yet i still try, why?

i don't have many friends,
my old ones all left me behind
don't be the one,
to push me aside

don't be that kind of person
at first,
i thought you would stay with me forever
that never happened

you were the only person that accepted me
now your not my friend anymore
everyone else doesn't accept me
why don't you be like them too?

never live a life like mine
to hide behind a wall of insecurity
its never fun
and then to have people be so mean
so unaccepting,
it makes me want to die
pretty pretty please, just accept me
don't be them
just accept me for who i am

apathy May 2013

friendship recall

honestly, why did you have to do this to me?
why did you leave me here?
why did you hurt me when i was already hurting?
you knew i was already in pain
when we fought it made it worse

after all the memories that we had
i watched our friendship fall apart
every single thing, gone
when we argued it just made me cry
is this really worth it if were just gonna continue to fight?

that's when i decided to end it
that's where the letter came in
it was to say goodbye and only goodbye
you looked at me with those brown eyes
then i knew, it was the right thing to do

every single day without you is bad
i told you that
i really wanted you back
i wanted back all the memories that we had
not the fights or the pain
not my eternal suffering
i hold the key to our friendship in my hand
its my cell phone
one text to you brought me back to life

but you never replied
do you even want this back?
after everything i've tried to keep myself together
you just ******* off
maybe you don't want this at all
i thought i could forgive and forget but i cannot
maybe we weren't meant to be
that's why there calling a friendship recall