Seventeen
what a terrible age to be
when you were skipping in between nineteen and twen-ty

Soul mate status
you became,
tattered charm
barely onto second names

But you spoke and it grasped me
something strong
too lovelorn and lame
we went on-

Romanticising the grainy photographs
the first date talk
the promise of touch
from a distant walk

Compliments thrown around like
greetings
and it terrified me
all those would-be meetings

That rush that turned out
too intense
and the explosive goodbyes
to false pretence

But there were no real goodbyes
you just left my town
so that was the high
and this,
the comedown

If Jesus came back I'd be the only one he left
If the clouds parted I'd still be in the dark
Behind the shadows of forgot times
Just another face in between the lines
If the seas rose and the sky fell
I would shrug my shoulders and sigh oh well
I could simply sit and wait for a new world
Like the one I live in cold and forgotten
If the stars shone in your eyes
I could lie back and not see the picture
If I were a puzzle and you the last piece
I'd rather run away than have you stay
I hate this lonely life but wouldn't want it any other way
Cuz if you asked me, I'd say go away
I'll face the world alone
With no one by my side
I'll take the challenges
And bare the stripes on my hide
I'll die happily
As long as I keep my pride

It seems every single time
you walk back into my life I fall ill
under the heaviness of your stare.*

As if your irises could burn
similar circular orbs straight through my heart,
deteriorating my insides until
I can't find the means to even breathe anymore.
My mouth remains shut and
my throat is swelling closed.

Yet I am still debating on whether I should just let your stare
turn me to ashes, or use my extra ounce of effort for the latter -
to rapture a scream and finally force you out.

gd