I grew up around violence and bad things,
Blood gushing,
broken bones.
People screaming out for help
I swear that is was hell,
But, it also felt like home
it's the place I like to go when I'm alone
All the sins I've done
I should atone
Never will, that's a nope.
Why ask for forgiveness,
when it's never that authentic, no!
When they say that they accept it, soooo.
I rather let my soul just rot with all the thoughts I got about the things I did as a younger kid,
cause I'm still a kid only difference is my age is different but inside I'm still a kid hoping maybe this is it maybe this is the one way to release.
If I ask for forgiveness,
you'd say yes but your eyes don't agree.

I can see they don't agree
I can see they don't like me
I can see it's not the same

I've caused alot pain
Never sat down to explain
Never said,
I'm sorry to your face
Just a text or post,
your reply,
always the same
something,
like it's ok.
It's just a phase we'll make it past this.
It's just the day,
I'm not to certain
When that will be.
But I promise it'll be
just like the old times you and me,
me and you us together stuck like glue
I know that's corny that's the old me you don't see,
You're focused on the misery
all my trickery,
our old history
to solve this injury now that's the mystery,
I'll get all jittery
I'll never have this victory!
Tell me it's not witchery
When you lose your family
Cuz of something bad you did,
They can't forgive even tho they say they did
their eyes speak differently,
It's something you can see
You can't hear it with your ears
Trust your senses,
they are clear...
That family isn't here
They disappeared,
I'll show no tears
even if it means for years
Just know the day we reunite
We'll have a couple beers
have some cheers..
hopefully then..
They are real.

Only you can save you
Reshape you
To get through
All these life loops
All the hula hoop
This life cycles
You can try to run,
It's all circles
Tight ropes
Without a net to catch you.
Teach yourself to fly
No one else will teach it right.

It's no ones business what you put in your system
if you wanna be an addict,
great be an addict in silence
don't hype it up making these young kids try it.
I hate what music's become
I hate what people have done
Trying all these things they hear in the songs
Telling me no it isn't that wrong
Everyone does it, come just give up.
Let go of your senses
let's try some non sense
Perks,
pink drinks,
Heated spoons
Acid, angel dust
All of it's,
straight garbage!

In melody /they say it's harmless
A remedy /that can fix all this
Secretly /it causes damage
Destroying all your organs
Seeping you of the youth
That God gives

It was an ordinary day just like any other day, the same routine as always. Except today wasn't.
I was walking on my way to school it was a nice day the sun was bright and there was this cool wind that kept you at just the right temperature.
As I was look up walking down the street the smell of burning wood hits my nose, I take my eyes away from the sky and begin to look around then I notice it. A burning building with a group of people gathered outside it was at the end of a no entry street. I ran over out of curiosity I've never seen a fire so big, so I didn't get to close. I noticed this lady crying and yelling something, once I made out what she was saying my heart dropped, she was yelling that there was a group of kids still in there. The teacher watching them hasn't been seen either so its assumed she's still in there too. We lived in a town where firetrucks weren't a few minutes away everyone knew with the size of the fire there was no way they'd make it out. I decided I had to be a hero at this moment. I ran over to a small street stand and bought a water bottle the cashier was smug enough to say, one bottle isn't enough for that fire. I didn't find it amusing maybe he was just trying to sell more bottles but it felt more like a smart pun. I took my shirt off and pour all the water over it then I wrapped the shirt around my face hoping maybe it would stop any smoke from coming into my lungs, that's when I ran into this burning building.
A building I've never entered before... at this moment I had no idea where I was going but the lady said they were on the first floor, it shouldn't be to hard to find them right? The heat of the fire was intense I was sweating the minute I entered, it felt like I was being cooked alive, I thought maybe I should've bought more waters to pour over myself, too late to go back now. As I'm making my way past burning rooms, it looked like a daycare or something, I hear the screams of kids. Yes! I found them! I was excited but came to realize a beam was blocking the only path out, I didn't know what to do. The rest of the path was a clear run through just hot and dangerous, of course but it was a clear run. How do I move this beam? I couldn't just let them die. I was already here, I was already inside the building looking at their frightened faces. I had to man up, shirtless I leaned in and grabbed the beam with my bare hands I let out an agonizing scream. My hands were already blistering, my flesh turning red and peeling off. I couldn't let go, I gave it all I had while in this incredible pain I've never felt. Just a little more, I thought to myself as I let out one last grunting push to move the beam. The kids, still frightened and confused didn't know what to do to. I was in pain, I didn't have any energy left in me. My shirt was dry from the heat, I was already inhaling smoke, so I just yelled run! So we all ran straight down this burning hallway. My body was in so much pain, my arms felt so weak and heavy, my legs began to drag. The exit was so close...

to be continued.

Broken arms
Broken legs
Used to have a mark around my neck
You don't know what it's like
to be close to death,
He took my breath
All this water starting coming in
He's my bestest friend.
There's no pretend
He wants me dead...
It's been like that since I was born
(My mom told me the doc almost dropped me on the floor.)
So I'm not just saying it
to say it I mean it when I say it,
Death has been the closes friend
From beginning to my end.
He's always there just waiting
In anticipation I'm pretty sure he's anxious, an ancient soul with more patience and only one goal.

Tenacious, so I won't let go
There's more, so much more
Yes so much more.
So many things I haven't seen before
So many flavors that never touch my tounge, I want it all,
every feeling that touches our skin,
I wanna experience everything
before I ever loosen my grip
Before I take that single breath
Before I lose the spirit we have within
I want see it
Touch it
Smell it
Taste it
And live it all
Death can keep calling but I'm not ready to take that call.
Never have I ever
Is something I never ever wanna say
I want stories I can tell for days
I want passionate moments with truth in them.
I want to much to write down,
But I don't ever want to die, now.
Cause I've already drowned,
only darkness stood around.
When the bump of my heart stopped it's pound.
It wasn't the first time either cause before that I stopped breathing
bad fever.
Even then darkness stood all around
No sense of touch,
thoughts or a single sound...

I'm that one family member everyones worried about, that one person that can make you smile but doesnt ever smile when he comes around.

God's been trying to stop my downfall
But we all know I'm a lost cause
Been this way since my Pops crossed,
Over to the other side,
no more ha ha's
No more play time
saying da da
Where's my papa?
Why so much drama?
That's what I asked my mama
As she sat me down to tell me,
blah blah..
That's the day
she told me I lost my father.
The first time I kept my emotions bottled,
Practice for the future I'd follow
Even tho it only lasted about an hour...

I just want to look at this photo
In the future,
knowing the laughs and giggles
weren't just for the picture