I've adopted these feelings of doubt
Without notice it entered my house
Unloaded its baggage right on my couch my pillow the shower every spot of my house was invaded,

On my couch I used to relax and watch TV
Now the shows are a shadow reminder for me
When I laid my head to sleep at night
It used to be a wonderful sight
But now my pillow feels like a brick
my bed like sand every feelings an itch
My shower would be where I'd wash all away
Now just like my soap the stench lingers all day
This feeling of doubt keeps pressing me down
Id say im fine but im still trying to figure things out.

Its kinda strange, isn't it
To behave a certain way coz of pigment
Like our skin gives fulfillment
Or the right to place judgment

Yeah, he never struggled in life he actually loves it

All his bills paid on time
Not a single misdemeanor or a crime
He never had to think twice
Before making a choice
That could change lives
Is it really coz those blue eyes

Mines are brown like mud pies

He never had to be afraid in the daytime
But when the sunsets
Thats when they call us a dark threat,

I saw my brother get arrested over nothing
Just coz he was running in the projects
The witness told the cops it was not him
But the cops didn't listen
This man was a Christian
He never lifted a finger in the wrong direction
But right then and there his skin color became a reason for aggression,

Then, our landlord decided that was a good reason for eviction

Had our mom crying in the kitchen

trying to explain that we were just playing manhunt then a cop pulled up guns out, screaming, get down.

We were only kids too
15 to 19,

so excuse me Mr white T

If I walk around like nobody likes me
This what they all teach

And I ain't even black
Maybe only half
Im a light skin puerto rican

But it doesn't mean we lack that special kind of treatment..

So tell me what the problem is
Coz we should be united
Why the **** we fighting
They keeping us divided
Hoping we dont take stand or even think to try it

Every race has a little hate
Every character isnt gonna be the same

So why they keep putting us to shame
If a white man commits a crime
The TV simply states a man did this and that
But let the pigment change and they gotta mention he was black.

So excuse my racist protest
I just dont like this racist bulshit
Tell the world the man's Hispanic
Twist the story,
cause some damage,

But we all know who's the savage

Stolen land
mass shootings
that blood is on your hands
Brother man

Call them out thats what im about give a **** if they want to shoot me down.
Shot me now before another word leaves out my mouth.

💥💥💥💣

They say the truth hurts, and it's why we live in a world of lies, but I say let that **** hurt and maybe then together we survive.

I shouldn't be here.

Now let me explain.

You're probably thinking I'm going insane saying I shouldn't be here, like that's ok.
But the truth to it is I shouldn't be here living like this
I shouldn't be here slaving for change
I shouldn't be here stressing in pain
I shouldn't be here worried of troubles
That won't even happen until a further tomorrow.
I shouldn't be here it's really plain and simple
I shouldn't be here surrounded by this evil
I shouldn't be here without faith and hope
Cause the second I coward, it's all down road.
I shouldn't be here climbing this ***** without any help, no tools, not even a rope.
I shouldn't be here living like this,
trying to evolve while feeling like ****.

They say evolution and creation are the reason for life, but I haven't evolved, and my thoughts don't create nothing nice.

I shouldn't be here doubting myself
I shouldn't be here comparing my wealth
The devils comparison wrapped in embarrassment
I'll act like they're better just cause they have nicer things
I shouldn't be here accepting this realm
I shouldn't be here,

so i wish you farewell.

God, the world's been trying to break me down,
I've tried my best to hold on to solid ground
They don't want me to figure out all the things I should've learned by now

Walking by blindly while trying to find me,

eyes glued to the sidewalk
scared they might judge me, if I look up

what might I see?

people laughing and taunting, pointing their fingers like haha I'm nothing,

I get it. I'm starving for attention, aimlessly.
Walking in wrong directions
Sometimes,
I wonder, do I really deserve this?

I'm hurting this journey is urging for drug use,
exposing my young youth to dangerous bad culture.
I'm smelling the sulfur
too embarrassed to approach you
Now I see the rippling effect of my actions,
everyone thinking that im nothing but a trash bin.

Other day, I texted my female friend
Then she made a post.

"I'm sorry that I ghost you, but I stay loyal,"

It was all based on one mistake that I made when I left my queen for a peasant.
So what?
Now, I can't even send a message without someone thinking there's ****** intentions.

It's a shame when they jump to conclusions and make wrongful assumptions..

This is my life now so **** it!

I'm sorry for cursing God
but I lose my patience.
never had room for hatred
they say you made me for greatness to raise the spirits and change the currents, but currently,
I've been feeling helpless
acting selfish,

downing alcoholic poison just to numb myself and silence the voices!


I've run out of choices!

MY TOES ARE OVER THE EDGE WAITING FOR ME TO UH,

NOO!!!

This isn't the answer,

My conscious has spoken!

A second too late,

I've already fallen.

If I had a choice what my life would be before the first time I walk on feet I'd probably still make the wrong decision a curse to live without a vision.