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Muskan Kapoor Mar 2018
Sometimes the world gives you no choice.
You must be a devil and pretend to be
*******
or else life will crumble you into tiny pieces.
You will realise that you are
being destroyed,
but you wouldn’t be to do anything.
You will be paralysed.
A step further will be a huge accomplishment for you.

Sometimes the world gives you no other option
than to befriend the devil and
take notes from him.

©anothergirlwithfantasies
Muskan Kapoor May 2018
Word of the day - STRIKHEDONIA
Meaning - the pleasure of being able to say “to hell with it”
_________
The way he asked me out
to a date
at a small cafe
near his place
with a book in my backpack
wearing pajamas
and a coffee with him
with lots of fangirl moments
and some tears to shed
over dead characters,
made me say yes.
For past twenty three years
I have been saving myself
for the prince on white horse
but not today.
“To hell with it”
I am going on a date with this man
who claimed
that one “yes” from me
made him cheer up.
I am ecstatic
for this date
with the man
who made me say “yes”
Muskan Kapoor May 2018
Everytime I visit a restaurant
and the smell of the food
hits me
I get lost in time
when I used to come home
all sweaty from playing with friends
and you had snacks prepared for me,
when I threw tantrums
related to food
and you always
cooked for me,
even if it was 2 in the morning.
You sacrificed your own needs
to feed me
my favourite dishes.
Every sunday
you filled my stomach
with your best dishes
and loads of love.
Since I have come to this city,
afar from you
whenever I get near food,
not only I miss the food
which magically appeared out of your hands,
but my stomach also misses you.
Even the excess oil on chappatis seems nice now.
Because nothing can beat the taste of your mothers’ food.
Everytime I visit a restaurant
and the smell of the food
hits me
I miss the magic of your hands.
Muskan Kapoor Feb 2018
He was sitting beside me in metro.
Although it was a ladies reserved seat.
He was looking at me vigorously.
He peeped at my phone, at my book.
There were too many empty seats and I wanted to change my seat.
But for some reason, I couldn’t stand up.
Then something happened.
He touched my leg, and felt me.
I was in utter shock.
I quickly stood up, regaining my posture and my mind was finally off the place it was earlier.
I slapped him hard and he looked at me like he wanted to beat me all over.
The anger on his face scared me for a second.
But then I slapped him again and kicked him on his shin.
He bent down towards my feet and this attracted a mob.
I clicked his picture and when the next stop came, I handed him to the security guard.
I don’t know where I got the courage to do this cause I am not this dominant.
But this incident awakened me.
Muskan Kapoor Apr 2018
you melted away
like the wax from a candle
because you were too afraid
and unwilling
to break my walls
and see behind them.
You got scared
just by one glimpse
of the inner me,
the dark me
and you ran away.
When I kissed you
you lips felt warm
and home-like,
they welcomes me
in your mouth
but you never did.
Your body could have been
the temple I worship in
and you could have been
the person who breaks
my jail bars and see the secret inside,
but you were ****-less,
you were cowardly
as to finding in me
a person you no longer
wish to see in you.
-anothergirlwithfantasies
— — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Some people have a bad side, and if someone doesn’t accept this, they need to. Because embracing yourself wholly will lead you to paths of righteousness and seriously, people need to stop being afraid of the dark, it’s as good as light, sometimes more.
— — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Muskan Kapoor Mar 2018
and when his lips
touched the side of his mouth
making a curve
kissable enough,
the cold I felt,
disappears.

his teeth, symmetrical
all white and bright
tongue lolling on the left canine
and then
he bites his lower lip
with his right canine,
the wave of hormones
hits me hard.

his smile,
one of a kind
met the expectations
of his eyes
and mine
cause both of us
shone radiantly
on seeing his
exquisite smile.
Muskan Kapoor Apr 2018
I lay flowers on your feet
after the predicament.
This plight we wandered into
all by ourselves
showed us
what we truly are
and laid ashes all over
on our fake selves.
You, my arch enemy
are not so anymore,
cause in the moment of distress
and in the deep mess,
you found me
only you
and nobody else.
You looked at me
with a look of pity
and I knew I am miserable,
so I got up
and went on
knowing, I have to live
a better life
than the one I am living.
The raging war we had going
in our own little brains
is at it’s end.
Just one thing before that,
why did we hate each other after all ?
and if you truly give the answer
my ears want to hear
and my heart will accept
the war between us will be over.
With chocolates and flowers,
you will be welcomed in my life
instead of guns and bullets.
So one last time, dear enemy
This war is over, if you want it to be.
Muskan Kapoor Mar 2018
So one day I get a call
I look on the screen
and it was the one
I was baring myself to.

She tells me
“Don’t lose hope”
I say,
“I have already lost it”

To find that guy,
I saw in that city
would be next to impossible
without knowing his name.

But then she said
“What are friends for”
And I admit
I got a ray of hope.

The next day
she sent me a screenshot
of his profile
on facebook.

And you know
what my reaction was
Not to open the profile first,
but to thank her who found him.

And now as I am sitting
on this chair
deciding who will I thank
this thanksgiving.

Only her name
pops in my mind
The friend,
who fulfilled my dreams.
Muskan Kapoor Mar 2018
Cause when
that **** comes around
I take it pleasantly,
use it as my own form of
weapon.
I bundle all of it
and make my
arrow of honey and brown chocolate
and throw it on the
tasteless minds.
That’s how I work,
take the **** from all
add a tincture of sweet
transform it into sunshines and daisies
and throw it back.
Muskan Kapoor Feb 2018
There was a time when you used to be my deity
Your feet were my home
Your satisfaction was my ******.

There is this time now when your prayers start with mine
My home is your house
My ****** is your duty.

©anothergirlwithfantasies
Muskan Kapoor May 2018
Word of the day- TOHUBOHU
Meaning- chaos/disorder
_______
Who said every chaos is beautiful ?
Falling for him
is just like a messed up thing.
Everything comes all at once,
altogether
and every emotion is hightened.
It’s a tornado of feelings
and once it hits you,
it destroys the peace.
Love is a beautiful feeling
but with love comes a price to pay,
which is chaos.
And baby,
I would do it all again
just to see you
smile through your mess.
Because when those lips
curve into a smile
along with your eyes
watering from thinking
about how messy you
plus your life are,
I feel proud
and somehow
that makes me
love you even more.
And what I said earlier
I stand by that,
Chaos is messy
and
Mess is chaos
and that isn’t beautiful all the time,
but the power one smile holds
over a person
is more than enough
to love that chaotic person
and their messy life.
So I repeat
I would do it all again
to see you smile
the way you do.
Muskan Kapoor Mar 2018
Tonight I am crestfallen,
and a bit lonely.
The demons are shrieking
and I need you to hold me.

Tonight I crave you,
and I wonder why.
Life is messed up,
but hopes are high.

Tonight I ponder,
about my destiny.
Exactly an year ago,
how he left me.

Tonight I am unaccompanied,
waiting for your arms.
To wake me up,
your voice was the alarm.

Tonight I wonder,
If I was good enough.
But my question is unfit,
cause you were just a bluff.
Muskan Kapoor Feb 2018
21 was his age when we first met
21 was the date when we sat back but our lips met
21 was his birthday date, when I brought him a bundle of chocolates
21 was his jersey number
21 was his flat number
21 was his phone number’s middle digits
21 was his lucky number

21 was my age when he left me broken
21 was the date when I saw him uniting his lips with my bestfriend
21 was the time when I cried of losing two most important people in my life
21 was the number of times I cried for him
21 was the day of the month when he turned me down in public rudely
21 was the number of things he returned to me
21 was my unlucky number

©anothergirlwithfantasies
Muskan Kapoor May 2018
Word of the day - UITWAAIEN
Meaning - to take a break to clear one’s head
_________
To reach the wind
you have to go through the storm
and I went through that too
hailstorm and a thunderstorm
but now I want that peace
I longed for.
It will be easy they said
Try it, they said.
Nothing about this is easy.
Everyday I try to convince myself
to get up from the bed
and move ahead
and everyday I see myself fail.
To see your own face in the mirror
which once used to smile
every second of the day
now studded with regret, sadness
and every drop of tear shed
stuck on that face.
To see your own self
struggling to smile
or even utter a word to anyone
is the worst of it all.
At times like this
I always whisper to myself
“Escape”
because that’s the only thing I know
and what I am good at,
running away.
To clear my head,
to walk in the wind
to sleep on the gentle white clouds
to take a jog amongst the nature
to leave the misery behind
and never return,
never.
Muskan Kapoor May 2018
Word of the day - VOORPRET
Meaning - sense of enjoyment before an event
__________
Eight days
Nope.
Eight weeks
Nope.
Eight Months
before her wedding
the butterflies appeared
leaving me pink in the cheeks
and weak in the knees.
One month of struggle
to find the perfect dress
that will fit her tiny waist
and we found one,
with white bodice
and drapes of soft tulle.
Two weeks to find
the perfect caterer
for the ceremony.
Three weeks of crying
over the fact
that her favourite country band
was already booked.
She was on cloud nine
a week before the wedding
and I was holding her hand
on that cloud
as a bestfriend.
The excitement in us magnified
in that week.
The air around us was filled
with the particles of joy.
Because it was
my bestfriends’ wedding.
And when I walked with her
to the altar
I looked at her
and I looked back
to the past eight months
and realised
that happiness and tears
shared with her
would always be etched in my mind.
War
Muskan Kapoor Apr 2018
War
It’s hard to sleep when your mind is at war with your heart
-r.h. Sin

Heart : you should call him. He must be busy.

Mind : he will call me when he’ll be free.

And that’s how I ended up in a traumatic fight between my mind and my heart.
One’s rational and the other one is in love, where practicality has no meaning.

As I jumble through my thoughts, I realise it’s 4 am and I am still sleep deprived.
My eyes are getting teary but my thoughts have blurred my senses.
I am thinking, and thinking, and overthinking.
Charts, bar graphs, diagrams are taking picture in my head, as to what is what, who is who.
And this is not the first time.
This happens every night.
It started the day I realised,
that
I love him.
Muskan Kapoor Mar 2018
Was it easy
for you to forget
those memories of us
which we made
under the silk sheets
on the rumpled bed of yours.

Was it comforting
for you to find love
and warmth
which was my giving,
in someone else’s arms.

Was it happening
to sneak out at night
leaving your wife
on the same bed
you ****** her all night
sleeping and dreaming
about the future.


©anothergirlwithfantasies
Muskan Kapoor Feb 2018
“It is stuck at 5 o’clock”
The first time I went
to the hill
to witness the rise
of that yellow and red thing
in the sky.
Vibrant it was.
And when the tears came,
I can’t say.
It was peaceful.
Knowing that I was a witness
to such a beauty
to such a phenomenon of nature
was in itself too much.
And that’s when I noticed
that my watch is stuck
on 5 o’clock.
Maybe it wanted to
capture that serene moment
in itself forever.
And it’s been 7 years when I went there.
I never went back
because once was too overwhelming
and that is why I never corrected my watch
and I carry it around with me
all the time
cause it’s a reminder
that whenever something too bad will happen
there is a place I can go
to run away
from the demons.

©anothergirlwithfantasies
Muskan Kapoor Mar 2018
I am pieces of my poetry
and the stories I read.
Stitched together by
my favourite song’s lyrics.
And I glued together
by our midnight memories
and late night conversations.

And I need you to somehow know
that I am not okay
with pretending
that I am okay, anymore.

Oh God, I would love for you to come
and gather all my tattered pieces
and make me whole,
again.

©anothergirlwithfantasies
Muskan Kapoor Feb 2018
If I had one wish in my life, I’d wish that I could stay and feel this way forever. Content and weightless with no worries or sorrows of the past. No confusion regarding life and what I look like or what I say. It’s right then that I realise just how lonely and discontent I am. How empty I feel even though I am a bundle of emotions.
I have never lived !
Never loved !
Never done anything worthwhile in life !
Muskan Kapoor May 2018
Word of the day - WHELVE
Meaning - to bury something deep
________
You are not forgotten
And you never will be
You have a home
within the lines of my poetry.

The words are not hollow
They carry a meaning
They carry a story with them
Story of you, me and when we were dreaming.

I hid you
not within me
But in between the words I write
you were meant to be.

I meet you there
every time I open a page
You sit there waiting for me
Full of rage.

I try to convey
my story through my poetry
but all I am able to do is
dwell in you deeply.

I used to hide behind my words
Now I hide you there
Traces of you still haunt me
And I can’t go anywhere.

You buried me long ago
It was easy for you
And all along I wish this
I could have done that too.

For someone to find you
the way ahead is clear
enter between the lines, do one thing
pain is all you have to fear.
Muskan Kapoor Apr 2018
I am wearing a pink plaid skirt,
but I think it’s too short,
maybe my huge thighs are ruining it.

Oh my god, he is looking at me, but maybe not me, maybe he is looking at the ******* beside me, after all why would he look at me, the payjama wearing nerd.

People call me slim, I am not slim. It’s called skinny. Look, my bones are showing from every side of my body.

Oh my god, this top is so beautiful but I can’t wear it, it’s too shot and my tummy will be peaking out.

“NO”
Just two words-
APPRECIATE YOURSLEF

This fear is what makes you imperfect, not the way you look, or talk, or walk.
Muskan Kapoor Apr 2018
Word of the day - Balter
Meaning - to dance artlessly,

Her hand went high
and his feet went high too.
Wearing a blue skirt
with white top
and white sandals,
she soar high in the sky.
In the black pants
with a black jacket
and slightly less black shoes,
he flies like a bird in the sky.
Both of them,
dancing mindlessly
to the tunes of nature.
The birds
The honking cars
The chitter chatter of people
The sound of wind
becomes the music
to their steps.
They do not coordinate,
but they dance anyways,
one hand touching each others’ face
and the other one reaching for their back.
Without any care
without any music,
leaving their worries behind
they lose themselves
in the ecstasy that is dancing.
Muskan Kapoor May 2018
Word of the day - XANTIPPE
Meaning - an ill-tempered woman
_______
She was a dangerous woman
Silent mostly
And she smiled through it all.
Her smile, that of a fox
cunningly beautiful.
Some days
she treated me as her king
and some days
she rubbed her anger on me.
Her moods fluctuated
like seasons.
She bounced through
her behaviour.
She baked cookies
and herself ate chillies.
She wore rainbow colours
but said dark nothings.
Last month
she whispered in my ear
about babies
and wedding.
And yesterday
when I bent down
and asked her to marry me
she slapped me in the face.
Her moods still affect me
and they shouldn’t.
Her ill temper
should not be my business now.
Muskan Kapoor May 2018
Word of the day - YONDERLY
Meaning - absent minded, emotionally distant
_______
I disappear
with my own choice.
I isolate myself
from the crowd
and want people
to not notice me
and then I blame people
for not caring about me
in the hope
that someday someone
will notice me
despite the fact
I don’t want him to.
I find myself
in a war situation
with the prejudices I hold
against people
and their true form.
I fear
that they’ll see
the truth behind
my fear of them.
I have transformed into a person
I don’t recognise
when I see in a mirror.
On the tracks of life
my train is stuck
and I try to hide
from other trains
but I cannot.
On the path of life
I took the road
to self destruction
and there is no turn ahead,
just a dead end.
Muskan Kapoor May 2018
Word of the day - ZEAL
Meaning - great enthusiasm, passion
________
Her passion
towards her own body
arouse in me
a band of emotions
I never knew
I had.
When she feels
her way around
her own waist
that’s when it hit me
no one can love her
the way she loves herself.
The moment
she touches herself
and moans
is the moment
she feels at ease.
Her joy
is her pleasure
and her pleasure
is her joy.
Touching her own self
brings her a satisfaction
no man or woman
can provide her.
The power to grin
the power to moan
the power to feel
is in her own hands
and also fingers.
She is a Goddess
to be admired.
The way she gives
her own body
the satisfaction it needs
every woman should learn
how to do that
how to respect your own body
how to satisfy your own hunger first.

— The End —