Some kid being beaten up
by his mother
on the side of the road
is not acceptable to my eyes.

A wife being tortured
by her loving husband
at the place she calls “home”
is not acceptable to my eyes.

A mother’s eyes welling up with tears
on listening **** from her kids
after all her sacrifices
is not acceptable to my eyes.

A girl being rapes
by a bunch of guys
full of ego and devoid of chivalry
is not acceptable to my eyes.

A kid mending tables
cleaning up the mess
instead of going to school
is not acceptable to my eyes.

All this stuff, and many more
sears through my heart
and burns a hole full of void
named “Bad Stuff my eyes can’t tolerate”

I am beginning to think
that I was meant
to lose myself
in your love.
It took me days
to crack you open
and let your darkness
engulf me.
It took me hours
to reach your bottom
kissing all the scars
you have all around.
It took me a heartbeat
to know that
I was meant to
be your *** slave.
At one point
you were like
the sugar cubes
I put in my tea.
And another second
you were this controlling man
handcuffing me
to his bedpost.
In a sweet way
you loved me hard,
and in a rough position
you touched me gently.
I found you
lost in between
my legs, as if
worshipping me.
You loved me like
I was the art you like
the words you read
the music you listen to
the God you pray to.
The secrets you never told me
your wrote them on my body
with your rugged hands
and your wet mouth.
It was bliss
all the ******* we did
and the love that blossomed
a dream turned into reality.

It felt nice, to swap the boxers with this sequinned black dress, with upper body lace, revealing the perfect amount of skin.
It felt nice, to swap the daily beer bottles with glasses of vine of older times.
It felt nice, to swap the bathroom slippers with black pumps which I last wore three tears ago, at my sisters’ wedding.
It felt nice, to look at all these new faces who pretend to care, but don’t.
It felt nice, to wear this mask separating myself from the woman I really am, a widower.
This white mask, attached to its’ sides are tiny feathers of black with a pearl at the end and it is covered with sequins all around, like it was meant for an archangel to wear.
Black lace dress, showing my cleavage,under which I wore a black garter and black bra, with black plain pumps, and this white mask.
Standing afar, at the other end of the ball room, this handsome stranger catches my eye.
He notices me and walks up to me, taking my gloved hand he asks me “Care to dance ?” and my feet give the answer my lips couldn’t formulate.
He keeps one hand on my *** and one on my tiny back, I lean into him and on the tunes of Bach, we sway.
Just as the clock hits twelve, my Cinderella time gets over, time to be the widow and remove the mask I so willingly wore, just for one escape.
Escape from being a widower to being a single lady at Masquerade ball.

It’s hard to sleep when your mind is at war with your heart
-r.h. Sin

Heart : you should call him. He must be busy.

Mind : he will call me when he’ll be free.

And that’s how I ended up in a traumatic fight between my mind and my heart.
One’s rational and the other one is in love, where practicality has no meaning.

As I jumble through my thoughts, I realise it’s 4 am and I am still sleep deprived.
My eyes are getting teary but my thoughts have blurred my senses.
I am thinking, and thinking, and overthinking.
Charts, bar graphs, diagrams are taking picture in my head, as to what is what, who is who.
And this is not the first time.
This happens every night.
It started the day I realised,
that
I love him.

Like the petals
I am falling.
Not altogether
but piece by piece.
Not because of the wind
but because
you are plucking me out
one by one,
you’re breaking me
one by one,
you’re taking away my soul
one my one,
you’re destroying my essence
one my one,
you are transforming me
from a flower
to a ****.

Word of the day - JACTANCY
Meaning - bragging

Praising my slender body
in front of his friends
Talking about my long tanned legs
to his siblings
Boasting about my cooking skills
to his parents
Speaking of our compatibility in bed
in front of his exes
He was constantly bragging
about me
to others
rather than me.
He didn’t show me off,
nope.
He always bragged
how this hot piece of ***
is to call.
To me, he said nothing,
no sweet whispers
no chocolates
no flowers
no praises.
I was just a gateway for him.
I was just some girl
he could **** whenever he want.
I was just some girl
he could call his girlfriend.
And one day
I put my foot down
and dragged him and his brags
out of my pretty decent life.

She knew what she was getting into, when
she called him on a date. Something about
him was pathetically dangerous, yet she
got attracted by his glamour. She met him,
danced along with him, swaying her lips
from left to right, brushing her hair over
his face, feeling him all over, yet she felt
***** with him. She felt some coarse vibes
coming from him, yet she surrendered
herself intimately. He felt her all over,
yanking her skirt, pulling her towards him.
It was getting kinda blurry when the clock
turned twelve and the alcohol started
touching her nerves. Kissing her lips,
whispering ***** deeds in her ears, she’s
listening yet without any emotions. She’s
losing herself, particularly to feel no pain,
but she doesn’t know that nothing is what
she will gain.

Now the other aspect of story, where I
come from behind and jolt him towards the
wall, breaking his spine. How dare he
touched my girl, she is silly, I know, but
she’s all I have. She pushes me to save
him, bending down to check his bruise. But  
I know better about her heart, her feelings
for me at the moment are bitter, but she’s
true at heart. I think her love is stored in a
vial, long slender and difficult to pull out,
but my friends say I am in denial. Hey lord,
help me ! Lead me to a way with
tranquility.

©anothergirlwithfantasies

Word of the day - RANTIPOLE
Meaning - wild and reckless
________
He called me a *****.
A cigarette smoking
******* every guy in the vicinity
giving slutty vibes
wearing tiny clothes *****.
I wasn’t one.
I was just living.
******* guys gave me pleasure.
Smoking cigarettes gave me a sense of control over life.
Wearing tiny clothes gave me confidence.
Giving away **** vibes gave me yearning stares from men.
I was a hot-headed human.
I had that devil-may care attitude in my purse.
And I liked myself that way.
So when he called me a *****.
It led me to another hasty decision of mine.
The scissors I had in my purse made love with chest,
and I didn’t run away.
I stood there, watching his face lose words.
Watching his lips shutting and his hands covered in blood.
And when I realised he was about to lose it, I called 9-1-1
and before running away,
I bent down, whispered in his ear
“I am not a *****”

Word of the day - Datsuzoku
Meaning - an escape from your everyday routine
_________
Waking up at five
to stay fit
and look young
at an age of thirty one.
Taking a bath
just to wear the same uniform
again, which I wore
yesterday too.
That blue striped t-shirt
and black pants
with a black tie
which is just like
a noose around my neck.
Eggs and bread and milk,
no variation
even when it comes to food.
Exactly at 8:15
my feet are outside
my apartment
and out on the road.
A five minute walk
to the subway
and the same routine there too,
reading newspaper
for the first fourteen stations
and for the next two,
just sit idly.
Working from
nine to five
sitting tightly in a cubicle
with just half hour break
broke something inside me.
I wanted many things in life,
success, money, fame, love
etc etc.
But when I found
that I still have a choice
and a super wish,
I didn’t chose any of this,
I chose one escape from reality.
Just one day
of not waking up at five,
working out, eating boring breakfast,
commuting like a 60 year old.
For one day
I wanted to be twenty one again.
For one day
I wanted to live like before.
For one day,
just one day
I wanted to taste freedom.

I am pieces of my poetry
and the stories I read.
Stitched together by
my favourite song’s lyrics.
And I glued together
by our midnight memories
and late night conversations.

And I need you to somehow know
that I am not okay
with pretending
that I am okay, anymore.

Oh God, I would love for you to come
and gather all my tattered pieces
and make me whole,
again.

©anothergirlwithfantasies

No I don’t know how to cook
Also I don’t know how to stay in limits
I am a loose canon,
can’t be packed in a box,
and stored away.
I can’t be held back
by your disgusting misconceptions
about the way I am.
Short skirts or waist high jeans
Just a bra or a tshirt,
it’s all my choice
I don’t see one reason,
why should I water your thoughts.

Yes I cry, and yes I am a man.
“You bended over like a *****, man”
Thanks, but your opioid is like a
wrapper of a gum I eat,
it just doesn’t matter.
Yes I wear eyeliner sometimes,
no that doesn’t give ****.
I still sometimes sleep in my mother’s lap,
that doesn’t mean
my manhood is decreasing.

A woman can punch you in the face,
and still be a woman.
A man can cry infront of you lot,
and still be a man.

Equality is not just expected in the aspects of job, career and stuff like that.
Things like what they wear, how they behave also matter.
“Behave, it’s expected of you.”
“Be a man”
These are just silly words used by generations of mind ******* for time pass.
Equality between a woman and a man is needed in society.

I lay flowers on your feet
after the predicament.
This plight we wandered into
all by ourselves
showed us
what we truly are
and laid ashes all over
on our fake selves.
You, my arch enemy
are not so anymore,
cause in the moment of distress
and in the deep mess,
you found me
only you
and nobody else.
You looked at me
with a look of pity
and I knew I am miserable,
so I got up
and went on
knowing, I have to live
a better life
than the one I am living.
The raging war we had going
in our own little brains
is at it’s end.
Just one thing before that,
why did we hate each other after all ?
and if you truly give the answer
my ears want to hear
and my heart will accept
the war between us will be over.
With chocolates and flowers,
you will be welcomed in my life
instead of guns and bullets.
So one last time, dear enemy
This war is over, if you want it to be.

“Maybe you are just a beautiful fantasy.
Kiss me before you evaporate
and disappear forever.”

He tilted my chin. Hot tingles shot
through my body, as his tongue probed
my mouth.

He tangled his hands in my already
messy hair, and we twisted into
our fiery kisses.

©anothergirlwithfantasies

21 was his age when we first met
21 was the date when we sat back but our lips met
21 was his birthday date, when I brought him a bundle of chocolates
21 was his jersey number
21 was his flat number
21 was his phone number’s middle digits
21 was his lucky number

21 was my age when he left me broken
21 was the date when I saw him uniting his lips with my bestfriend
21 was the time when I cried of losing two most important people in my life
21 was the number of times I cried for him
21 was the day of the month when he turned me down in public rudely
21 was the number of things he returned to me
21 was my unlucky number

©anothergirlwithfantasies

Sometimes the world gives you no choice.
You must be a devil and pretend to be
*******
or else life will crumble you into tiny pieces.
You will realise that you are
being destroyed,
but you wouldn’t be to do anything.
You will be paralysed.
A step further will be a huge accomplishment for you.

Sometimes the world gives you no other option
than to befriend the devil and
take notes from him.

©anothergirlwithfantasies

And suddenly
I could see all the
poison we had
in our mad love.
So the power I had
to decide
was yielded like a sword
cause I got to know
that not all problems
can be solved,
once it got corrupted,
it couldn’t have been
refreshed into melodies.
So I got on,
all the stuff was out,
your hearts and flowers
were thrown out from the door
and you were too,
from my life.

Word of the day - IRIDESCENT
Meaning - producing a display of rainbow like colours
________
Under the violet sky
I said goodbye
to her long silky hair
and her slender curves.
Her indigo dress
fitted perfectly
on her tiny waist
and appropriate hips.
The blue heels
with sequins on top
made her long legs
look oddly beautiful.
Beside us stood
a green tree,
under its shade
we kissed for the first time.
Her yellow bracelet
gifted to her
by her deceased father
hanging around her wrist.
The orange ice lolly
she is holding
and ******* on
brings memories of our first date.
The red lipstick
she is wearing like a queen
makes me want to
take her right there.
She was bleeding colours
all of them
at once.
To top it all,
her rainbow hair
were shining brighter
in the dark times.
Blackness was looming
all around me
but one look at her
and around,
and seeing what I was missing on
I decided
not to say goodbye.
I decided to give
the rainbow around me a chance.
I decided for once
to wear the colours
I never wore.

Was it easy
for you to forget
those memories of us
which we made
under the silk sheets
on the rumpled bed of yours.

Was it comforting
for you to find love
and warmth
which was my giving,
in someone else’s arms.

Was it happening
to sneak out at night
leaving your wife
on the same bed
you ****** her all night
sleeping and dreaming
about the future.


©anothergirlwithfantasies

you melted away
like the wax from a candle
because you were too afraid
and unwilling
to break my walls
and see behind them.
You got scared
just by one glimpse
of the inner me,
the dark me
and you ran away.
When I kissed you
you lips felt warm
and home-like,
they welcomes me
in your mouth
but you never did.
Your body could have been
the temple I worship in
and you could have been
the person who breaks
my jail bars and see the secret inside,
but you were ****-less,
you were cowardly
as to finding in me
a person you no longer
wish to see in you.
-anothergirlwithfantasies
— — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Some people have a bad side, and if someone doesn’t accept this, they need to. Because embracing yourself wholly will lead you to paths of righteousness and seriously, people need to stop being afraid of the dark, it’s as good as light, sometimes more.
— — — — — — — — — — — — — —

You lean towards me
and look deep in my eyes
in an instant
I forget all your goodbyes.
Your lips brush mine
and I feel a tingle
I am transported back
to the first time we mingled.
Your smile was devilish
and your hair were messy
in the cashmere suit and red tie
even you looked classy.
At that moment
we ****** like animals
but also created a relationship
and memory, very valuable.
Coming to now,
when it feels like deja vu
I want to forget all the drama
and just hold you.
Kiss you on your lips
and grab your ***
because if I don’t do it now
the moment may pass.
And what I have learnt
in the two years separated from you
is that people may come back
but time will always *******.
So I am deciding
to live in this moment
for this life
is full of enjoyment.

So one day I get a call
I look on the screen
and it was the one
I was baring myself to.

She tells me
“Don’t lose hope”
I say,
“I have already lost it”

To find that guy,
I saw in that city
would be next to impossible
without knowing his name.

But then she said
“What are friends for”
And I admit
I got a ray of hope.

The next day
she sent me a screenshot
of his profile
on facebook.

And you know
what my reaction was
Not to open the profile first,
but to thank her who found him.

And now as I am sitting
on this chair
deciding who will I thank
this thanksgiving.

Only her name
pops in my mind
The friend,
who fulfilled my dreams.

your path was different than mine
our roads were never meant to collide.
but you stepped up
and joined me.
that’s when I knew
a story is brewing
and
a cupid is smiling.

©anothergirlwithfantasies

I laid myself bare
not just physically
but also
all the secrets
I treasured
and all the kisses I saved,
I gave them to you.
All the firsts,
I named them after you.
I stopped eating my favourite food
because you never liked it.
I never wore short skirts
or bikinis
or even shorts,
because you found them inappropriate.
And I never said a word
because from the beginning
of my life and my existence
I was taught to please and not be pleased.
I thought I ask you things
but later,
when you left me like a garbage bag
I realised
I always begged you.
But now this toxicity
I used to call a relationship
and presumed was love,
is gone.
So taking not just a tiny step
but a humongous lead towards life,
I am growing.
Shorts and skirts.
Bras and bikinis.
Tea to beer.
Temples to clubs.
Marriage ideas to one night stands.
The two year old me
was another girl
and I may look like her
but I am not her.
She was a *****
and I am the tigress.
She was just bred through life,
I am living it.
Tattoos and piercings
studded jeans
and black tees
early morning wakeup alarms
to early morning home returning ceremony.
The girl who used to care died the day you left,
and what dies, stays dead.
So this new version
Me 2.0
doesn’t give a ****.
She looks society in the eye
and you,
shoulder to shoulder
wearing a bikini,
hand in hand with a guy,
and give them the look,
the look of “no ***** given”
Because now I know
the innocence I used to carry
was just a baggage
Because now I understand
society depleted me,
and I did too
but now I have risen
like a phoenix from the ashes,
this time a better version of myself
because this one
give zero *****.

If I had one wish in my life, I’d wish that I could stay and feel this way forever. Content and weightless with no worries or sorrows of the past. No confusion regarding life and what I look like or what I say. It’s right then that I realise just how lonely and discontent I am. How empty I feel even though I am a bundle of emotions.
I have never lived !
Never loved !
Never done anything worthwhile in life !

and when his lips
touched the side of his mouth
making a curve
kissable enough,
the cold I felt,
disappears.

his teeth, symmetrical
all white and bright
tongue lolling on the left canine
and then
he bites his lower lip
with his right canine,
the wave of hormones
hits me hard.

his smile,
one of a kind
met the expectations
of his eyes
and mine
cause both of us
shone radiantly
on seeing his
exquisite smile.

Tonight I am crestfallen,
and a bit lonely.
The demons are shrieking
and I need you to hold me.

Tonight I crave you,
and I wonder why.
Life is messed up,
but hopes are high.

Tonight I ponder,
about my destiny.
Exactly an year ago,
how he left me.

Tonight I am unaccompanied,
waiting for your arms.
To wake me up,
your voice was the alarm.

Tonight I wonder,
If I was good enough.
But my question is unfit,
cause you were just a bluff.