there is nothing
more earthshattering
than discovering
someone you loved
is a stranger;
nothing more than a
monster in a familiar mask

everybody's searching for toxins, drugs, dopamine
to numb the pain and dull our minds
because we're afraid of what our thoughts are telling us
we're afraid of the voices we try to silence
with others' lips, but no matter how much I
focus on your heart, I can't escape my own
I don't know if I feel safe in the soul I call home.

He looked down sadly
Staring at his hands
"I'm covered in heart break."
I touched his arm
And he looked up at me
"I know."
"Its the color of your eyes."
"I know that, too."


.

Crawling through the mud
with calloused hands groping
for anything to push forward.
Tearing over rough bark,
exposed skin is left torn,
and hot red gold spills,
staining the crystal pools
that collected from the falling
ocean.

Stars in the eyes
reflecting stars above,
and catching salty tears
that invade the homes of ants below.
Frozen breath is pushed out,
forming small clouds of words
left unsaid,
unheard,
unwanted.

Fingers feel for the pulse of the earth,
no longer hoping for survival,
but just to be reunited with nature.
The wind sings a deathly lullaby
and soon only an empty shell
is left where a soul once lived.

And I'm sitting in my room with the lights off,
burning two candles
remembering how my heart used to burn for yours
how whenever I saw your face my eyes sparked
my heart became uncontrollable
my breath short
and my cheeks flush.

And when I loved you,
I was enveloped by you
every word you said tattooed in my brain
every accidental touch stamped on my skin,
and every thought I had
was you.

It's funny that you said you loved me too
and how I will never forget the date of those words,
but later you said you didn't remember
saying that at all.
It's funny how when she broke you
into a thousand pieces
I glued you back together
and you admitted I was better,
yet you still went back to her.
And it's funny how you expected me
to wait for you
watch my heart get ripped out every day
and love it

It's funny that now you have the time for me
when I've finally made time for myself.

Constellations settled high above us,
the endless night,
deep as the ocean.
The moon lies watching us
shedding light over the dense forest,
yawning, waiting for her brother to take over.

Misty vapors sit over us,
Our eyes shut, listening.
My casual garden of Eden
your fragrant strawberry gum,
clouded by the poison of your rude cigarette,
and the soft rose perfume you always wear.

Whispers of a breeze float by,
blowing hair over your gaunt cheeks.
When your patience is finally exhausted,
you sit up, your voice ripping the silence.
I hear your carefree tone,
but see a traveler in your eyes,
with the weight of the world,
resting on your shoulders.
The rotting facade strapped on each day,
cannot conceal just how much
you want to vanish,
endlessly searching for an escape,
longing to be a ghost.

But you pick up another cigarette
and breathe.