i'm in love with words,
but afraid of voices.
silence is both beautiful
and terrifying,
because thoughts just
never seem to sleep.
no one seems
to really understand,
because although
these voices
never stop talking,
the words themselves
are often too
quiet to speak.

maybe the reason i love the city
is because it is so
deadly still.
these concrete mountains
and paved rivers never
seem to move an inch or
take a single breath.
i'm becoming ok
with not being able to
see the clouds above
my head as they pass
with the wind,
because everything seems
easier when these buildings
block off the outside world.
i'm starting to want them
to enclose me and
if i'm lucky,
one day they'll
swallow me whole because
i just can't handle anymore motion,
and i don't think i'd be able to
say another goodbye.
so maybe i'll head to the city,
because all i really need
is the world around me to sit
still for a few moments
so i can actually take
a second to breathe.

sometimes i feel as though
my mind was set
to self destruct,
and i just cant seem
to find the switch
to make it stop.
maybe that's because
it's buried beneath
the very thoughts
that set it off.

line my heart
with city blocks
fill my lungs
with car exhaust
blind my eyes
with shimmering lights
make me feel
alive tonight

life used to come so easily
up until recently,
because lately i've been
feeling a bit blue.
i'm drowning in
a compilation
of unsolved puzzles,
and i can't seem to find
the right combination
to solve all of these troubles,
because these waters
are becoming
too deep.

you know it's become a
big ******* problem when
you close your eyes and
all you can see is
your every worry
fear and emotion
compressed
into a pool of
endless flowing,
tormenting thoughts.

you're the skip in my chest
and the gasp in my breath
and i really need you
to let go of this hold
you have on me.
you're the stalking of my shadow
and you know it,
everything i will ever say or do
gets filtered through you.
let go of me
i don't need you to survive,
you **** me as a whole
and lately i've started to realize
that the bruises and the burns,
the remains of every part of me
i find are because of you,
because you hurt me.
because you fooled me with comfort
and buried me in my own mistrust.
when i look in the mirror
all i see is you,
when people look at me
all they see is you,
and that's really starting to scare
me because how do you
escape something
that you've become?