What was broken
as obliterated as I was
let me reach out
pick you up
place you within my soul
God I love the pieces at my feet
reflecting my own tormented demons
and how I wish to grab you within my embrace
jump down into an abyss
climb back up with every piece
and my bottle of glue
it may be thought recreation is impossible
but isn't that the beauty
we are not born
we are created
let us create one another

Dance into the spiral lights
across the desert, wicked dunes reaching to draw you in
a mirage could it be, would you not know
if into the hills did you not step?
oh, I see the stars so bright
licking the cool, calm sands with their incandescent light
scorpions breed within these mounds
quick, jump, skip in shadow do they not hide
their venom can be lethal or just another days toil, the usual...
quicksand, oh quicksand do not succumb!!
keep chasing the oasis.. keep crawling
dehydration has no effect when pursuing *Twisted Love

I always say fire
fire needs air to thrive
without it fire burns out and dies
I have many times found my oxygen thin
dizzied, drowning, my minds death began to set in
the tiniest little ember could be found
at the bottom of my soul, not yet touched by ice
fire needs oxygen to survive
that being said, I find you are my air
without my breath the flames stand still
inevitably extinguished
so please feed my flame
keep me breathing
I am too weak to ignite myself

A force that pulls
no ability to resist
even if that would be desired
no resistance found here
let me fall to the power
slingshot
straight through the Earth
to the other side

I met an angel
the kind I thought only existed in illusions
a shadow, a silhouette created in my dreams
the angel spoke to me
seeing into my infected mind
not nearly as pure as his
and he adored me for it
the angel shining so bright with love
I wish never to see my angel cry tears
surely their weight alone would drag the Earth from its orbit
he knocked me off my feet
in a bright light and whirlwind of passion
I made love to my angel
all the while hoping this is not a deadly sin
if it were though
name me the devil incarnate
for I can never stop loving my angel

Were there a hidden meaning
one not so much obscured but existing
cackling, he finds a way to point it out
just as cleverly
might I add, a bit quirky  
but a kinder person you could not find
somewhat a hermit, this is alright
a better friend is a trial to come by
most of us know him to be sure
just call him Embers

You see, I am a dog
loyal to the end, overbearing in my love to be sure
when you beat me
for years I still roll over on my back
thinking a belly rub would fix the bruises
eventually though, a tail goes between the legs
and some amount of reluctance and fear is felt
even were a master the same for years on end
a dog may be loyal but not stupid

And you, well you are a cat
indifferent, solitary and self satisfying
knocking dishes off the counters
hopping down and not looking back
******* in a box, knowing someone else will clean up the mess
feed you, pamper you and when you feel like giving love, you will
quite possibly with claws extended and teeth bared, hissing

And this is why I am now a cat to your dog
do you get it?

The Earth looks angry today
spiteful, black, billowing clouds
seeking to consume the atmosphere
lightning clash, ferocious and bright
wind ripping, sheer, biting to the bone
torrential rainfall soaking me to the soul
and I dance

crafted across turbulent seas
God's hand really did take some time for once
but why so far?

Eradicate the sacred light
sacrifice will to fight
crucify, vilify

Do not absorb it
direct it
the anger you mean
giving into false pretenses
ones that bred fear
knowing it would catch up
such an idiot
you want to make this perfect
but in the wake
of your own self hatred
this will be a nightmare
of jumbled words
one bred upon your own fears
but fears that were legitimate
for Chenoah, you *****
how can you rely so heavily upon another
how can you think your glass can be so easily fixed
not just that either
how long have you sat in the dark
yes, you are damaged, WHO CARES HAHA
you have to fix yourself for once
unsure how that is to even be achieved
but let me say perhaps you will get there
stop absorbing all the pain
DIRECT IT
direct it to better yourself
for once in your pathetic existence
you know what it is to be done
so stop wallowing in pain
and expecting others to care
PITIFUL
others can relate yes
but in the end it is up to you to choose
whether you will ever see light again
maybe not, perhaps, probably not
what does it matter really
there are a couple lights who rely on you
so stop with the self absorption
and think about what they need
sure happiness would be nice
must it be sought in the eyes of another
stop letting that control your thoughts
PATHETIC
so many have felt the same thing
nothing makes you special
you were a means to an end, so what?
people die daily for causes much more great
so stop
SELF ABSORPTION
ignore the pain
move on
focus on that pushing you forward
***** about loneliness
***** please we are all alone in the end
we are born alone, we die alone
stop wallowing in your own
SELF HATRED
change the world where you can
touch lives where you can
that is what matters
you expect too much
you know what is right
yet you ignore it and
DROWN
what the ****
GROW UP
you are not all that important

Imaginary things can be pleasant or destructive
an idea is powerful, ever living
then why so much power given to the wrong side
a piece of paper, a chunk of metal
money
borders are imaginary yet we give them form
to what purpose?
apparently freedom is imaginary too
living within a facade, sheep held within imaginary fences
eating imaginary grasses tainted with poison
keep living in the matrix
I chose to take the pill that hurts
the one where imaginary things are not real
and I am no longer a sheep
keep your money, borders and lies

Who can handle
a soul like mine
weeping, fighting, tortured
dying

dreams of insanity
if they come true
run, run, gone
who can keep up

terminally ill
harboring an unknown disease
inexplicable

make it stop
beaten
beaten
broken now
fear of abandonment
never to leave
very being under siege

wanting to be hurt
for it always hurts
pain so long
this is what brings life
or rather what drains it

not empty yet
keep draining me, please
until my essence disappears
eyes empty
soul deadened
completely gone
forgotten
forget
thus ceasing to exist

Appearing sane, I lost my mind
at some point...
not due to love
not due to hate
but the pain I have seen
and the beauty I have only dreamed
that I will never touch
so if you care to ask...
the answer is no
driven quite mad
by this insane world
literally trapped within my dreams
I appear to be quite serene
reality stings too harshly
driven mad by sights and sounds
beautiful trees and dreams of dancing with them
lovely music that plays on end
teaching me of harmonious things that hide from me
my passion for love was stolen away
this may have tilted the scales some
for it now I have a vast aversion
trapped within this serenade
not writing a mere poem
this is a confession
that I am in fact mad, I swear
unable to be what is expected
thankfully, I am a **** good actor
or I may see white walls forever
but that is alright
I am still mad, trapped within a dream
so white wall me away friend, white wall me away...

She heard you today you know
words meant to cut like a sword
not sure if she was meant to hear but she did...
for some people words are weapons
for some people your words shape who they are
mold them
so she went to a strangers house choking back tears
handed them their goods
then returned and pretended she was alright
she pretends but really she is not
have you ever stopped to think
that the wrong words to the right person
could be the last thing it takes
the last stab needed to throw them over the brink
it may seem petty but for some words are life
she is not broken
she is not insane
she is depressed
nothing tastes good anymore except liquor
dry as ash so she doesn't eat
and wastes away in words and cigarette smoke
she is not afraid to die, parts of her already are
the other parts wish for it when she hears these things
she wants to give smiles and in return gets frowns
so please think about your words
words could very easily **** her
you never know when a life is in your words
so please use your weapon carefully
think before you speak
you never know if you are the final blow

Like fade to white, fade to black
snippets eroding in and out
flashes on the screen
obscured in white noise
your lips
nose
moans
am I dreaming
when I am awake
I drown in your dark hair
when I allow higher brain function
and your eyes
float on clouds for eternity
I feel more at ease in the night sky
looking down
sighing, my breath the wind upon this planet

When saved is not what is sought
bathing in and relishing the ignorance
blinded to words, numbed to compassion
it would seem every man for himself
none for all and all for none
they will eat me alive whislt cackling
while I lie drowning in tears
sinking deeper than the roots of the oldest tree of life
kneel down and lose the will to fight
pondering why it is I would cry
what would be the point of bounding through the fires of Hell
when they themselves do not seem to care
then a stranger smiles at me for no reason
and I remember

I see vultures circling
high above in a never ending spiral
they watch, waiting for the moment to pounce
what is taking so long
it would seem they float for hours
I sit in wonderment, pondering what it is they are preying upon
slowly, they gather closer and closer
I can almost see their beady eyes and sharp beaks
as they press on true to their mark
I grow tired as I watch, waiting to see what it is they see
for I am blind
falling asleep, I wake inevitably to see
they are preying upon me
I am the meal

I love to give myself cancer
cigarette smoke, blackening my very soul
I love to give myself liver failure
beer and liquor drenching my veins
so thick
I wake in the night dehydrated
every night
screaming thirsty for more
but more is never enough
for it is a pain I am seeking to cure
a pain so deep no demon could tend the wound
in sickening addictions
ones that will never help me
oh I see it I do
but I lack the love for myself required
to do a **** thing about it
I will never be strong enough to save me
so would you save me please
I am a weak little ******* to be sure
let me smoke your breath
the breath of your sweet life
let me drink your love
I would rather drown in that
but I am too weak to do it myself
grab me and yank me out of my stupor
because I am a **** fool
and I will never do it alone
save me from me
if not
I will **** me

crouched in the darkest corner
you will not move, will not follow
Old Friend
your form is reaching out and I am reaching back
I am missing you for I am broken and insane
pretending I feel better without you would be a lie
I love darkness
I love pain, I love tears
this is when I am most alive
for so many years, Old Friend, you have been here
when no one was
I realize I will never let go
I will always seek ways to find you
crawling back to the corner in sobs of relief
they try to drag me away and for a moment I smile
then I scream
let me go back home, I miss my home
home is where Old Friend lies
in the corner, in pain crying
it is not sad, it is where I feel my heartbeat the strongest
it is where I feel the most love
I am incapable of love when I do not feel alone
so let me be with my Old Friend
misery never felt better
as I hold you in the darkness
Old Friend
I will always be here as you have always been for me

Could callousness revolt me anymore
holy crap the inane words washing over my my ears
how can I even endure seeing such narcissism
have I really fallen so far into a dream
that just to hear these things enrage me
I am unable to be surrounded by this
something draw me out of a reality
of daily discriminate *******
I cannot stand to be consumed by it anymore
completely changed is it so unseen
peering at naked women, material things
I find it so egotistical
I know I am freaking weird
but I cannot fathom it anymore
I am not me anymore
rip me out of this domain
toss me into a new realm

Willingness to die for the people
or desire for death

When thoughts give rise to instinct
instinct to have all the pretty things and shiny gold
food, shelter, love
organic matter is all we are
higher brain function makes us more than a squirrel?
I think not
you see, that same squirrel
dead in the road
where is his heaven
has he not contributed to the circle of life
these thoughts have my mind decomposing
despite oxygen, despite synapses firing
in the end we all just feed the Earth
intelligent life, I think does not equate more than this gift

Do you bleed
from the paper cut
the cut from the tree you defile
to so worship your paper
do you choke
on the fumes
the fumes you expel
when you speak your vile intentions
do you drown
in the water
the water you taint
to promote your heinous acts
do you die
live to die
is it worth it
is it worth the graves trodden upon
if you so believe in the afterlife
will I see you there
or will it be in Hell
where the whip I will at last hold
and then you will realize what it is to plead to no avail

Go the distance
cigarette in one hand
other on the steering wheel
listening to stories about drugs
keep running, do not stop
the world must end somewhere
why not on this backroad
step into a dream
become the fantasy
what is reality
when you live in the mind
I am quite insane
this thought is what hides it
judge me, hate me
I am honest
schizophrenia shines in times like these
who am I tonight
I will be a God hiding in silhouettes
a little girl crying in shame
or that boy screaming into the night
who cares when this is a dream

I fell in love with the stars
no matter that stars reside light years away
no need for touch, smell or speech
stars are so bright you see, hearts so pure
so I jumped into the sky
hoping my feet never again break ground
that I would float through galaxies
surrounded by love but the stars seem more bright tonight
than anything I have ever seen
and I am drawn in unable to stop
unafraid of the unknown
when truth be told I do know
nothing could make me forget
the love I have for the stars

I may have never kissed the sky
but you see I do not need to
to feel love

dawn had broken
'twas still dark
to me the night hath spoken
"toward the light doth not embark"
'twill consume thee
lest ye run back to mine arms
ne'er again to flee
ne'er again to feel harm

stay with me
do not leave

whispered the night

what would it be like
a cat that has insomnia

The day I most look forward to
is the one where I actually get to relax
no need to hear the nightmarish insults
no, it is silence behind these doors
ahhhhh, lovely release
accusations flying, so quick, every night
can you shut the **** up for once
and listen
to my silence
oh sweet silence
I look forward to the day

I am fighting
but not hard enough
to fend off my demons
not eating well
smoking too much
turning to the bottle
short tempered
how does one fight
that which makes them feel
less alone

She stands alone, at the edge of an abyss
so long she has sought answers to the question
her mind cries to the night, so shrill but unheard
"Will not something answer, I beg of thee!" she screams
is there truth within the haze of her insanity
or is it that she is standing alone, crying to naught
she has been broken, so easily again she will not be opened
one day may she crave it, but nay too many times....
so alone she cries, eternally, into a chasm, begging it to devour

For a little sister I have always yearned
whose love never ending would be returned
a shoulder I would forever have to cry
and sweet words for my tears to dry
at last, I found her in a fairy wood
blood we may not be but she is just as good
I call her sweet Sunshine Fairy
I love her so and she always makes me feel merry

Your face is unknown
you must be out there
Shadowman I have sown
created in my mind out of thin air

You have no name
yet we dance in the rain
bodies close like the flame
that burns our eternal reign

Perhaps you only exist
within the confines of my head
I reach for you, only to touch mist
I dance alone, nothing need be said

was it not then a wish
claws within my cerebral cortex
elongate, penetrate, let loose
let go of all that is that
and then
never again to whisper inane whims
going, going, gone
what was it then?
a short Autumn day
a long Winters night

*a midsummer night's dream
it was all a dream
isn't it always?

Withdrawing within
the fear has at last become too much
wishing now to seek comfort within my own self
not knowing how yet
on an adventure of self exploration
this is what is needed
before completely letting go
for how can one be encompassed completely
when they cannot love themselves

*much is yet to be discovered

Seven billion people on Earth
Why the hell are so many of us alone
Searching within one another for our worth
Love would appear to be a combat zone

Would you not think with so many of us
A soul mate might actually exist
Quite distressing it is, I must confess
A world revolving around trysts

Souls too caught up in lust
Gallivanting about the city
Contact for many an absolute must
While some lie wallowing in self pity

What the hell is love, might I ask
I am not seeing it in the world today
Seven billion people wearing seven billion masks
All hiding within their own cliche

Such a large world we live in
And still unable to ever truly connect
It must be human nature, a deadly sin
Thus true love will never interject

Envision real love all we may
It would appear not to be our nature
Always something will lead one astray
So in our dreams will it lie forever

We all want to be proven wrong here
We scream our own sad story into the night
Begging for someone to come, adhere
To bring some amount of respite

But despite our relentless screams
We continue on this vicious circle
Ignore the one who may answer our dreams
Falling victim to this eternal obstacle

The one that is our denial of love
To fill some void we cannot be free of

A relief in a way
blank like a sheet of paper, nay not paper, a tree uncut
not yet even paper
gasping tendrils cannot form, cannot be voiced
housing no muse, reaching out to smoke
a relief in a way
also a curse
when naught brings life but words
what is it my mind is seeking
holding onto endless vague emotions
they wave tauntingly across a vast distance
sneering, as I chase them across an arid desert
through treacherous mountain passes
always a few dances ahead, mocking me in my limbo
where is my emotion
I feel it tearing me to pieces
at what is it directed

Probably unwise, unfair to say
causing more pain than necessary
what is new for her though, right?
she is madly in love with him
in all his brokenness
but he is not broken
he is the other half to her whole
and she can never have him
that quite possibly may drive her mad
but she would rather dedicate to that madness
than live the lie that it is not true
that she knows what she needs
and she would rather die alone
than deny it

Standing here
begging
screaming
writhing in misery
for there is never silence in my mind
may I please feel peace
only in death, love
only in death
was the echo that responded

You painted yourself with every color
I may have loved black and white as much if not more
yet the ink was illegible between the lines

I never knew who resided in the picture
decimation claims the land that would be our future
with lies justified in anothers eyes