Am I not hungry for you
am I not starved
ravenous
when I finally taste you
will I ever stop drinking
such sweet, pure sustenance
my life force, my drink
my breath and life

End of the year in more ways than one
For a dearest friend who shines like the sun
A wonderful family and a big heart too
The best Birthday wishes I wish for you!

I kept telling her I was insane today
that I had been driven to madness by the pain I see
death, ******, conspiracy, blood, hate
and everyone turns a blind eye so I must be mad
that I take in all the pain and reflect it upon myself
and too many think I am being unreal
for I cannot control these things
but it is who I am, an empath, I refuse to change
and I scream the truth and all I hear back are lies
that I am in fact, just insane

To which she replied
why is it you are insane
do you not think that perhaps you are the sane one
and the rest of the world has gone mad
that they live in a fantasy land
because you know the truth and they deny it
even when blood is spilled upon their own doorstep
they still do not see
so be sure you are the sane one
you are the one who is human

for so many years I thought the blood was rust
splattering the streets
obscured amongst the rubble
for so many years I thought the blood was rust
because the media told me so

paper
why is a man starving because he does not have it
a fake idea...
paper
is that what it takes to feed the masses
I watch him each day, next to the bridge
emaciated, hungry for days now
all I can do is hand over paper
and hope one day the ways of the world change
for paper should not be what is required
to sustain human life

screaming pain
announcing beauty
proclaiming eternity
wailing in obscurity
forcing feet to move
leaving no choice
bringing about untold emotion
unearthed from the deepest part of a mind
telling endless tales
burning bridges
housing anger
consuming love
cutting like ice
within a melody

I still remember the darkness
unable to hide from it
it is a part of me now
run as far as I want
no escape
I think now, that yes, it is real
I have lost a lot of weight
pale skin
brittle bones
it is the darkness consuming me you see
it isn't just figurative
it is physical
darkness must be real when it has such a hold

I have these despair filled ideas
but I am not outwardly so
I love too
with such passion
it can consume me as well
my mind does not stem from anger and hate
but rather love and fear
the fear of love
being loved, then losing

within insanity fear makes the darkness take hold
and I sit here and ponder
will I get hurt
broken again
shattered glass
how many times can you be reglued
becoming more and more hideous
with each crack
never again to be smooth, pure and innocent
never reflecting a whole beautiful image

do not judge or blame me for my darkness, please
I cannot help it
I have tried to fight it
but now it is a part of me
so when you read this and realize how twisted I am
remember, I am just afraid is all
I cannot shake the fear

Shouldn't this emotion be so familiar
that I'm numb
*disappointment

I need to write a love poem
One about you
Enough with the dark memories
Let us shine light on something bright
Like the way you always make me smile
I find myself frowning for hours
Then you happen, I am caught off guard
Heart skipping a beat, feeling giddy
I remember why none of it matters
For I easily can get lost in your eyes
Tracing the outlines of your perfect lips
Let go of all these thoughts because you *exist

I walk into a field of not yet blossomed flowers
vibrant splashes of color resound in the sunlight
let me tiptoe to you through the sleeping poppies
pluck you away from the masses of eyes shut wide
we will find untilled earth, plant our own garden
such a sweet smell
my own personal heroine

Long ago her well ran dry
too many have tasted the still waters
slowly becoming stagnant, coming to a standstill
she traces her fingertips along the outlines of her dry Earth
wondering which was the drink that brought the drought
she cast her eyes wistfully to the vast ocean
she feels so thirsty but one cannot thrive on saltwater
thus she stands high above, crying to the violent seas
the only water to swallow tears
dehydrated

Embracing the Goddess energy within yourselves
Will bring all of you to a new understanding and valuing of life
A vision that inspires you to live and love on planet earth
Like a priceless jewel, buried in dark layers of soil and stone
Earth radiates her brilliant beauty, into the caverns of space and time
Perhaps you are aware of those who watch over your home
And experience it as a place to visit and play with reality
You are becoming aware of yourself
As a Gamemaster

Imagine Earth restored to her real beauty
Stately trees seem to brush the deep blue sky
The clouds billow to form majestic peaks
The songs of birds fill the air
Creating symphony among symphony
The Goddess is calling for an honoring of what she allows to be created
Through the core-mystery of the blood
Those who own her planet, are learning about love

I will stop for a while
and think
all is too jumbled
enough tears shed to fill an ocean
thus I cannot see straight
I need to reflect

When it is all gone
puff of smoke, a life with no value
no love, no soul
dust in the wind says Kansas ye?
so when you look at that fancy car
when you smile at night clutching your gold, young Midas
what is it you are seeing might I ask
is it a moment within a moment
the light in your eyes dimmed by materials
and the love in your heart a solitary stone
smooth like glass, as cold as ice in the bitterest winter
what is it you see?
a tiny world, one where there is no pain
but if you saw outside that you would see there is pain
you would see there is no material
and that  love is the most fulfilling when you have it for others
the one constant that lives far beyond a grave
who do we remember most?
the tyrants yes, that is true
who else do we remember though
Bob Marley, John Lennon, Martin Luther King, Gandhi,
so many more
full of love and peace
a fight they had for this love
these messages are an idea stronger than a grave
but your gold, it will not whisper love to you when you leave
your car will rust and decay like your flesh
the beautiful house will become dilapidated and abandoned as so many do
like the house that was your heart when you denied love and chose shiny things
those pretty things bring momentary happiness
but life is a moment
a mere whisper
gone like dust in the wind
what will you remember
what will remember you
most certainly not an idea like paper
it has no thoughts
but love it will remember
an echo for eternity
love

I wish to drink you
cool water never touched
pure
in secluded mountain air
would I be the one so lucky
to find still waters untainted
by the foul air of the city
a dance in majestic woods
a skip away from my own heaven
drink deeply when upon such sustenance
I think it might be possible
that I would drown
when tasting such lovely waters
I think it may be true
I would never find the will to stop
let my head go under the surface
bubbles the only sign I had been here
and I fall to the depths
finding me consumed

I desire the talents of an artist
I have a vision in my mind
distorted, his face is frightening
body misshapen, mouth agape, disfigured
epitome of an entire soul destroyed, drawn on paper
lined in charcoal, etched in demise
crying into the night
around his monstrous waist
tender arms do embrace
such a demon, a beast
her face caressed in absolute beauty
seeking to tame something so torn
in one soft touch of love

Inhaling the essence of oxygen
never once tainted by pollution
the taste of your breath on my skin
washing me in waves, eradicating all the pain
eroding the mountains of my own self hatred
*that would be the purest mixture of air

I took a moment today to commune with nature
Stepping into the wood, I walked a long while
Coming upon a secluded area I finally just collapsed
Right upon the Earth and for her I wept
I kissed the sky, caressed the ground, hugged the trees
and cried
The damage done to our friend when so defenseless
Feeling sorrow for what I eat and materials I own
They are unnecessary these things when the Earth has all
Mankind so intelligent, yet so unbelievably ignorant
Why must we use our knowledge to hurt you
Corruption used to **** the planet and her beauty
A perfect system so lovely and majestic
Yet blind we sit behind four walls, caught in a rat race
And we forget how lovely it is to dance in rain
To smell the dirt, caress sweet flowers, commune with trees
For they speak you know, we are merely deaf
I sit here and meditate and feel true inner peace for once
I love you
Things have so vastly changed, I wish to live in The Old Ways
What is happening now is so unnatural, it breaks my heart
My religion is being defiled and I am a part of it
Forgive me Mother, you are more wise
I am weak, uneducated but I long to protect you
I leave my sanctuary now as I pick up trash and weep
It is alright for you, not for me
You'll last beyond eternity when we are all gone
I just pray you can forgive us and heal
When that day may come

They say suicide is for the weak, the selfish
at this I ponder is the entirety of life not suicide
breathing toxic air, relying upon corruption to save us
stuck within a cycle
we have our smokers, drinkers, drug addicted
riddled with pain each and every one of us
yes life can be a song, we all smile
but inevitably life feels like suicide when eyes open to look
and I wonder should I not be the one to say how I go
and not you death, not you corruption
let me sing you a little song as I tip my glass
song or suicide
the answer lies only in you

His smile was too warm upon her lips of ice
she hid behind his summertime facade
whilst basking in her own wintry demise
it was said she gave him butterflies of love
rest assured she was rife with maggots
he fell in love with a glacial corpse
smooth as glass, he slipped from the edge
blistering her rigid edges, he was too hot...
she was too cold, a mountain made of stone
frozen to the bone, The Queen of Never Ending Winter

*and he ran, never to look back

When I feel myself sinking down
Through waters so deep I am sure to drown
I reach into my mind, touch my intangible dreams
Though not real, they keep me from bursting at the seams
It probably is not at all healthy, I know...
But I find reality is too far below
It hurts to be awake and attuned
All I feel when I am such are the deepest wounds
So I weave my fantasy land full of us and me and you
And find myself stepping on the shore, the sky above blue
What I dream is perfect, untouchable
But outside these thoughts, my mind lies in rubble

A face I study hard as if it were arithmetic
eyebrows like mountain arches
I wish to climb high to caress your forehead
such a sweet nose I will kiss incessantly
to reach the valley that is your full lips
falling down to sweet repose in your soul
safe
as I look up from below into your eyes
dark pools of love
let me swim deep down into the depths
never surfacing
that is alright, I can still breathe here
memorizing each line and crevice
of the house that is your heart

Effervescent flowing into my veins
ahhh.. trickle drip drop
dehydration stilled amidst cool sensations
desperation has me clawing at the glass
the very building block of life
water

A mirrors image
never enough
to reach through the glass
touch all that I am
soft skin, lost in ecstasy
a beauty incarnate
soft angelic whispers
lifted beyond this eternal realm
years of searching for my soul
who knew it could be found
on the other side of the glass
reflecting across my forever planet
reaching out to me as I was to it
the day I crave
I shatter the glass
stepping into my world

A solitary stone
amidst an abysmal lake
many have crossed to the other side
making use of the single stone
serene, emotionless on the surface
so the anguish does not show
although each footprint aches
stone sits in perceived repose
in actuality basking in sorrow
gradually the stone erodes
yet somehow is still poised
awaiting the next step
begging for the final footfall
the one to cease the suffering
at last to descend to the bottom of the lake
doomed to forever be a stepping stone

To all ye who think thou art unworthy
'tis not true, not one thought
naught in this world to be more sorrowful
than a lone poet screaming into the night
falling upon deaf ears
ne'er question the mind
know thou art heard
for all of our hearts share pain intertwined

Serpents in my mind
feed me your poison
venom coursing through my veins
whispering I am sickened
bleeding me dry
I could be right, oh but the serpents
circle agile amidst my vessels
telling me I am plagued
by the dreams of the weak

A world so vast, so many just like me
Same brown eyes in an eternal sea
Similar story so many have danced
My memory forgotten with a glance

Not so special, easily replaced
A soul marked as such, utterly defaced
I find me so unremarkable, so dull
So much so that I am utterly forgettable

angelic resonance
distorting the thoughts
breeding fictions
within weak minds

Allow me if you would
to rot within this created decay
decorated in pain and despair
inescapable when seen for what it is
created by my own hand
but it is that, my own creation
so I ask again
allow me to lie down
caressing my sweet creation
a mind corrupted by corruption
yet still turned to the North
seeking its own way out
the final footfall
wherever that may be

Little Sunshine Fairy
Appreciates all the little things
A kind word with every breath
A sunset waving goodbye to the day
The rain caressing her rooftop
The trees telling her sweet little fairy secrets
The flowers always dance when she looks
She is little Sunshine Fairy Marian
And she appreciates all the little things
Which is what makes her so lovely!

the more you say you are a beast
the more I want to kiss you
the more you say you are not beautiful
the more I want to shower you in love
and prove you wrong

Malevolence*
for so long stealthily hiding in shadow
today I became aware of your presence
I wish to understand you
but on the deepest level, I fear you
also though, I know I need you
with you here it means I am not alone
as I so long have thought
step forward
whisper my secrets into my mind
so that I may understand them
Mouthless, the others call you
yet still you are able to speak
you sought me out via a friend
tall, slender, clothed in black
many would seek to call you devil
yet you claim you are not such
I must accept reality is not what I perceive
let go of the fear I so desperately cling
and perhaps
you can lead me to what it is I seek

I waited, watching the leaves change into red, brown and orange hues
I waited, while the snow blanketed the ground, kissing the Earth cold as ice
I waited, until blades of grass poked their heads out of the soil, shy yet coy      
I waited, in scorching sun, blinding me, searing my skin golden brown
I waited, while this cycle recurred year after year
I became old
You never came

Reaching out, attempting to touch the echo
oh, the reverberation is just my reflection
my fire was extinguished, passion that burned
the scorching heat has been bitten by the shrillest ice
persistently dreaming of reigniting it
alas, I lack the desire it requires
let me gather what remains of the flame
and burn every bridge I ever built

I came across a stray today
an emaciated little feline
from me she did not shy away
her jaw disfigured, a deformation
scary she appeared to be
such a ghastly figure
still she came over, loved me
and I loved her back  
I wondered if no other ever gave her kindness
due to her appearance
  she was such a sweet creature, affection relentless
all she wanted was love

and I cried when I had to go

Kept falling off the wagon
when I saw an angel
the bridge when I see it
every day
several times a day
thinking each time
can I jump into those waters
and go down
do mermaids dance in water
can they
I want to

A beauty so pure, words would not suffice
I have so long been broken glass
in this light the cracks shine bright
I could never do justice to such perfection
so long has such a touch been needed
erode me back, blend the fractures
desire consuming like a fire
strong enough to melt the fissures lining my surface
fix me please, I need you

What is the point
in tainting my dishwater red
with your blood

*How then can the plates be cleaned

In a fit of rage you were
Breath thick with liqueur
A shotgun in his face held
Such anger could not be quelled
Screams of hatred impure
Naive, I jump in unsure
Now a gun held in my face
Unaware of the danger I brace
Shouts to move, nothing heard
Life I protect, I hear no word
Stop, just stop, this makes no sense
What triggers a crime so immense
A crime of passion you would regret
Put down the gun, you are the threat
It is not worth your lover interred
Sighs of relief, that night no boom heard

Walk, walk on by so many did
gasping, I stopped and saw
a perfect gem untouched
in the center of the Earth
skip I did with glee
that all the blind
passed on by
and I found
treasure