Hand lifted in anger*
Then I realized it doesn't matter

Since the beginning you have been there
always to lend a caring word and to hear
never leaving me in doubt or to feel alone
happy smiles and kind words always shown

If I could but return the blessed feeling
offer such a lovely gift, the gift of healing
proud to know such kind, admirable people live
a wonderful family, always seeking to give

Hiding behind a facade
one that screams lonely
show me passion, make me feel awed
for I lost it, the feeling
my mask is cracking
but still I shall recoil
I will keep on acting
*deep down I am crying

I am searching albeit not proactively
Come what may, going through the motions
To expect too much sets you up to fail
So I stopped expecting much, leaning more on logic
Feeling more as if I exist on another plane
Unable to see all at once, I choose to block it out
And dance upon my own grave, masking the pain
I will hide behind smiles and blushing brown eyes
Hoping that what I subconsciously search for
Will sweep me off my feet, out of my surreal dreams
Catch me unaware, for I am feeling mournfully aware
That the moments I dream, are long out of sight

I am lonely yes
sometimes I love it
some moments I crave
to recede into my darkness
fill this paper with thoughts
lose myself in music
float off into a fantasy land
one where I am not me
but I must be alone to do this
sometimes I need to be alone
sometimes I love the life of a loner

For years has he held out
love seeming to fade but nay
adoration is still strong as ever
he watches her silently
offering his heart
hoping she will one day see
that she was always the one

She is feeling alone and afraid
wondering if love she can ever grasp
her heart has been mangled time after time
affections tossed back in spite
gasping for breath, living in a dream
she picks herself up yet again
and walks into the darkness

The possibility I see for these two
a man full of love
a woman who has lost hope
I can only pray the two come together
weaving dreams and healing hearts
dancing in laughter
forever in love

They say when you die
you know nothing after
but this for me, is a lie
I will miss music radiating in my mind
I will miss the trees dancing in the wind
I will miss the whispers of fairy tales
I will miss the thought of true love
I will miss the laughter of children
and the sweet sounds of peace and beauty
my mind may cease to think
my heart may discontinue beating
but such things, so full of glory
I will always miss

She cast her eyes to the unrealistic shore
"There" Says she, "That is where I wish to be"
Whisk her away across torrential seas
Amidst squalls and high waters
Another world she wishes to exist in
A world envisioned so free of pain
Where every being has a soul mate
None feel the anguish of this life
Some would seek to call it heaven
She guesses this is an acceptable assumption
As long as we will dance
A true love for us all
No more screams of loneliness
She lets her dreams stray...
*To the shore so very far away

Rose petals inevitably fall
A branch eventually snaps
Monuments one day collapse
Even the continents sprawl

So do not fret each day
Live every moment, merely dance
Leaving nothing to chance
Laugh the sorrow away, I say!

Even the darkest of times
Can be a distant thought
Just brush them off, they are naught!
Even alone life can be sublime

*Just love yourself

Your face is unknown
you must be out there
Shadowman I have sown
created in my mind out of thin air

You have no name
yet we dance in the rain
bodies close like the flame
that burns our eternal reign

Perhaps you only exist
within the confines of my head
I reach for you, only to touch mist
I dance alone, nothing need be said

If I so ever felt inclined to fall again
he would have to love to dance with trees
listen to the whispers of the wind, for they tell stories
he would need to be able to embrace insanity
lets face it, the whole world is quite mad
he would have to love everyone as I do
seek to brighten their lives, if even in a mere smile
be inclined to adore fairy tales and magic
they have to exist or we would have never dreamt them
there is so much I love that I wish to share
he would have to want to share it as well
with me, with the Earth
whilst creating our own world

Appearing sane, I lost my mind
at some point...
not due to love
not due to hate
but the pain I have seen
and the beauty I have only dreamed
that I will never touch
so if you care to ask...
the answer is no
driven quite mad
by this insane world
literally trapped within my dreams
I appear to be quite serene
reality stings too harshly
driven mad by sights and sounds
beautiful trees and dreams of dancing with them
lovely music that plays on end
teaching me of harmonious things that hide from me
my passion for love was stolen away
this may have tilted the scales some
for it now I have a vast aversion
trapped within this serenade
not writing a mere poem
this is a confession
that I am in fact mad, I swear
unable to be what is expected
thankfully, I am a **** good actor
or I may see white walls forever
but that is alright
I am still mad, trapped within a dream
so white wall me away friend, white wall me away...

Oh the inspiration
brought
by a simple sound
a song

I just despise you
you make me wish to spit nails
teeth drenched in venom
let me tear you apart
cold, unfeeling, callous
you make my anxiety reach a peak
so easy for you to dance on graves
dance, smiler dance!!!
know I lie in wait
for the day
that my vindictiveness can cut you to pieces
so easy to take the bloodied knife
and repeatedly jab at the lamb
sick and twisted must you be
feeling no remorse, no pain
dance on some more graves
let me put them in a pretty line
so that you may dance an eloquent dance
twisted
no way can such a taunt be held
if ever a thing was truly felt
and oh how angry does it make me
to feel this way, lying in pain
while you dance
on pretty little graves
such vapid spite
look for as many young lasses
as you might defile
spit in their faces
rip their hair out
gouge their eyes out
until they are no longer recognized
dance, dance away with every lady you touch
filling yourself to the brim
with empty emotions
until one day
you die alone and realize
you danced life away
while filling yourself with empty
******

A piece of my soul given
the piece that deters logic
allows to see beyond any blemish
accepting wholly
reciprocating undeterred love
rejected was this gift
now I find it was lost
whisked away
over thousands of miles of ocean
I gave you a piece of my soul
and you spat it into the sea
a final blow
amidst a series of many
that stole my ability
to ever again feel
*such compassion

He speaks of security, but see I am a dreamer, there must be more
that which equates a roof, materials, does not equal fulfillment
he says life is not a fairy tale, I shake my head, what if it is
what if those who think as he does never find their solace
filling their chasm with pretty gems, green paper, and angry thoughts
I will hope for life beyond that, this is all a dreamer truly has
I never thought of death until now for I know I have been wasting away
so let me dream, do not offer pretty things, they hold no value
so many years you had a chance to show this dreamer a light
never seeking to give a hand until it was far, far too late
for this I am sorry, not for me but for you, losing your dreams
I had thought mine may be shattered, but I love fairy tales
so I will keep chasing them, while you are left behind

She dreams of paradise, so very exquisite
whilst existing in her own personally made Hell
all around her falls into ruins, oh so decadent
so long eyes raised to the stars, questioning her shell
is there a rhythm to this rhyme, an answer to time
what is it that will prove the truth, unearth the source
then she had a dream, thus struck a revelation sublime!
all this time she had created this tomb, set her own course
why not veer West, to the South too long her thoughts have drawn
let her seek peace knowing that one direction is not the only choice
speak positive, love your darkness, use it to harness light, Anon!
she knows now it is in her, not others that she may at last rejoice
*finally she touched the beautiful stars

Finally, you visited me
I have been waiting, you know
albeit I blocked you from doing such for so long
such a relief to at last see your face
I must say it took some guidance to know it was you I was seeing
not what I had expected, I became lost in a sea of doubt
a message was given, one I had to ponder on for some time
I now see the intent, though shrouded in confusion, I figured it out
I accept your proposal and will continue on my path
feeling no more fear, I realize you are not teaching darkness
rather allowing me the ability to harness it for greater purposes
I look forward to the next time we meet, for you are me
and I love you

Madly in love I fell into claws and hooves
with the devil!
blinded was I to the hatred and lies
the more cruel, the harder I fell
trickery, deceit, he used me as a play thing
causing pain over and over again, yet I still felt love
I reveled in hope even knowing a Devil he was!
often leaving me alone then appearing inflicting harm on others
attempting to steal my child in a treacherous trick
how on earth could one love a devil

This is what I asked myself when I awoke

I jumped so far
Knowing I would hit the pavement
I swam out to sea
Knowing I would drown in misery
I leapt into space and time
Knowing there is no air, I will suffocate
I believed false promises
Ones so easily refuted, forgotten
Love shut off just like that, how quaint  
Like a game of bowling
I am the pins
I set myself up to be knocked down
But I never thought you would throw the ball
Or actually I did but I soaked in denial
Ball came rolling fast, unstoppable, fierce
So yes I shattered into the pavement
I felt water fill my lungs as my vision darkened
I suffocated in the vacuum of space, surrounded by darkening stars
I set myself up to be destroyed
If I put the pieces back together perhaps I may learn
That words mean so little these days
My mind is logical
I now follow it to the end

I doubt how I might view love
but perhaps a poet could make me fall again
scream at me how I am needed
I have not seen it before
maybe a poet could yell so loud
I hate to write these things for love and hatred
yea you read it, did you even hear
did it speak into your mind like fire
that is my mind absolutely ablaze
I need to be heard, for the love of God
truly heard, have I ever really been
except when another poet reads my mind
if you do not have the time to see these cries
you will never truly know my mind
thus you can never truly love who I am
call me crazy, but the one I fall for
must read and relish every sickening word
for I am sick of pouring out my soul and being unheard
stop loving my outward appearance and love my freaking mind
because let me tell you it is pretty warped
and I am only honest here
so if you want to know me just READ
**how ****** hard is it

Reality was lost
yes, I am walking the walk
but within my dreams I forever lie still
now
I think I am drowning within insanity
do not request I wake
I quite enjoy lying here, actually
so let me sink deep within
I do not wish to resurface

My mind is overflowing
with the words so easily whisked into my thoughts
I suspect treachery
Oh yes, yes I do
yellow eyes peer from within the brush
forked tongue flickers for one moment
a moment so brief it is quickly forgotten
venture forth into a forest unknown
trusting that your feet may carry you home
to a path for so long sought
do not forget though
treachery hides within the shadows
waiting for you to become lost

Wishing to be a God for once
creating existence then turning away
oh, you tore down your walls, what a pleasant surprise
let me take a peek at what you house within
ah, I can devour you now
I crave power
meek I may be, a monster has been born
born from the ashes of loneliness and deceit
let me be vindictive
watch me make you squirm
I am feeling quite morbid today
six thousand feet high, I bear down with a magnifying glass
destroying everything that you have ever hoped for and built
I wish to be malicious
let me become a freaking God
and tear you to pieces

To all ye who think thou art unworthy
'tis not true, not one thought
naught in this world to be more sorrowful
than a lone poet screaming into the night
falling upon deaf ears
ne'er question the mind
know thou art heard
for all of our hearts share pain intertwined

That which she seeks is a fairy tale
silly girl, she lives in dreams
entangling, embracing, thus choking

how is pain so harsh
for that never even touched

reality struck for he
and thus he ran as such

*this is why she is a dreamer
trapped within her own insanity

angelic resonance
distorting the thoughts
breeding fictions
within weak minds

So quick to seek that which would fill you now
You let go of a dream that would have followed you anywhere
Through space and time
Into the bowels of Hell
Distorted now does lie the dream
Shrouded in nightmares

Dance lightly on my grave
callously refute every loving word
as I rot six feet under your feet
for what does it matter when I am dead
whispers of passion
promises of eternity
create excuses to justify
the waves encompassing me
whilst you go on about your day
as if I had never existed
please, echo that which defiles me

*Dance lightly on my grave

I do not wish to hear words of love
I do not wish to be bought
I do not wish to be wooed
I wish to feel it
Pure and undeniable
In an embrace
In a kiss
In a voice
I do not wish to hear I love you
Ever again

Only of importance when lonely
happy to know fiction from reality
reality is only broken knows broken
and only light can truly know light
the legitimately broken are blessed
but oh so rare
though when they are finally found
a lifetime bond can be formed
as for the light
well I cannot know
I am one of the blessed broken

She stands alone, at the edge of an abyss
so long she has sought answers to the question
her mind cries to the night, so shrill but unheard
"Will not something answer, I beg of thee!" she screams
is there truth within the haze of her insanity
or is it that she is standing alone, crying to naught
she has been broken, so easily again she will not be opened
one day may she crave it, but nay too many times....
so alone she cries, eternally, into a chasm, begging it to devour

I love my friends and fellow poets
And I cannot make this poetic or beautiful
But I appreciate you all so very much

Do not absorb it
direct it
the anger you mean
giving into false pretenses
ones that bred fear
knowing it would catch up
such an idiot
you want to make this perfect
but in the wake
of your own self hatred
this will be a nightmare
of jumbled words
one bred upon your own fears
but fears that were legitimate
for Chenoah, you *****
how can you rely so heavily upon another
how can you think your glass can be so easily fixed
not just that either
how long have you sat in the dark
yes, you are damaged, WHO CARES HAHA
you have to fix yourself for once
unsure how that is to even be achieved
but let me say perhaps you will get there
stop absorbing all the pain
DIRECT IT
direct it to better yourself
for once in your pathetic existence
you know what it is to be done
so stop wallowing in pain
and expecting others to care
PITIFUL
others can relate yes
but in the end it is up to you to choose
whether you will ever see light again
maybe not, perhaps, probably not
what does it matter really
there are a couple lights who rely on you
so stop with the self absorption
and think about what they need
sure happiness would be nice
must it be sought in the eyes of another
stop letting that control your thoughts
PATHETIC
so many have felt the same thing
nothing makes you special
you were a means to an end, so what?
people die daily for causes much more great
so stop
SELF ABSORPTION
ignore the pain
move on
focus on that pushing you forward
***** about loneliness
***** please we are all alone in the end
we are born alone, we die alone
stop wallowing in your own
SELF HATRED
change the world where you can
touch lives where you can
that is what matters
you expect too much
you know what is right
yet you ignore it and
DROWN
what the ****
GROW UP
you are not all that important

Hope so bright, a human need
what do you become, when it recedes
an empty shell, a deadened soul
something never to feel entirely whole

I saw a light, oh so bright
for it I found the will to fight
alas, hope is something that often fades
so easily changed, so easily swayed

What is a person without  hope
when that is gone, what helps to cope
I cannot say to you, my friend
I have yet to cross that bend

Another lost, tormented soul in pain
slapped by reality and its ceaseless bane
supposedly time heals all these wounds
I have never known this hurt, so I am not attuned

For now, only upon hope lost can I dwell
swallowing me whole unable to expel
if it makes you happy, it may not last
once again.. pick up the pieces of broken glass

On my feet
no destination in mind
what an awful feeling
I have walked so long
with no thoughts
I am utterly lost
no one around
completely alone
as I have always been
my body is so weak
I can hardly stand
and yet still I walk
no end in sight
the pain of a lone road
what could be more tragic
the light that did guide
fluorescent
something of dreams
that which I do not deserve
so keep walking
do not stop, do not dream
dreams are for fools
or at least I think
do not cry
tears are for heroes
my feet are blistered
bleeding
too far I have gone
still naught in sight
hope given and taken
the reality is
this world cannot be lovely
it is just too dark
I recede into me
I am done walking
I lie down at last
no more walking
I loved too hard
I died

Please tell me it is a dream
How does time heal
When reaching out
Only to find darkness
Ever consuming

Were it not for the little lights dancing
One might beg the waves to overcome
Wash over the hills pushing, advancing
Break the axle, rusty fulcrum

Extinguish the flames, end the anguish
Were it not for these dancing lights
Under the waves then to vanquish
That would be the answer, the price

But these little dancing lights
Keeping the waves at bay
For now

I feel the distance growing
as if it were not too far already
I wonder
if you feel this dance is still worth dancing
over the miles to be covered
my goal is not to push you away
but to understand
for I am feeling lost
and a bit forlorn
as you are more silent in your affections
feeling a million miles away
as I were something to be avoided
quite possibly I am being a fool
but I am so insecure
lacking a belief in myself
thus projecting upon others
but you see, I feel a distance growing
and it terrifies me

I do not know how to touch you
I falter and you make an uncomfortable sound
I caress for hours
Still happy moans you do not emanate
Running my hand up and down
With practice maybe I can learn
How to make you gasp a voice of pleasure
For hours on end I will try, I do not mind
It pleases me to no end, to attempt all night
Strum, strum, there has to be a pattern you like
Some sort of rhythm that makes you sing

Ah the laments of beginner's guitar

Once envisioned, a serene fantasy
A fantasy once known well
Lost in the throes of ecstasy
A hopeful face in a troublesome sea
Alas, the sea is turbulent, deep, treacherous
And you can only swim down
Vision obscured the farther one goes
Soon all that will guide you is the smell in your nose
That hopeful face has grown quite dim
The air in your lungs is growing so slim
Soon enough you will join that which was lost
And it will be cold like a layer of frost
Without the face so long adored
You hit the insidious ocean floor...
Silhouette dancing in your mind of what was lost
Deepening into your layer of rust
Eroding into a bed of unrecognizable dust
For the air above you feel that lust
Alas, you cannot breathe anymore, air has run out
You flee from flooding thoughts of doubt
Attempting one last breathe in which to shout
You drown in the freezing water spout
As the final realization hits you
This is not what you've seen
All hopes shattered in a sorrow so keen
You're floating now, nearly drifting in doubt
Wondering will the pain ever cease, ever hush
The air in your lungs makes you silently blush
For even if you're gone, you're still truly there
Where you are is what was there
And that is where I will stay, breathing your air

A world so vast, so many just like me
Same brown eyes in an eternal sea
Similar story so many have danced
My memory forgotten with a glance

Not so special, easily replaced
A soul marked as such, utterly defaced
I find me so unremarkable, so dull
So much so that I am utterly forgettable

Pain so absolute
Hiding behind metaphors
A poet's way out
When words fail even them

Tossed into the darkest reaches
Left with no hope or light
Thus it is here I must drown
In utter blackness, angry chasm

Reaching 'round nothing is here
It is emptiness absolute
When beaten down and left to die
Long out of sight and mind

Questioning what is it that exists
Down so deep, naught must be real
Save me, help me believe
There is more outside my prison

Through an abandoned graveyard
Unattended for many years
Weeds reach 'round snatching your ankles
Trying to hold you down, but you still run
Through a serene field of daises
So beautiful, inviting, blowing kisses
Keep moving, not yet arrived
Through the woodland
Creatures stop to say hello
"No time" you say
"I must keep going"
Through treacherous mountain passes
Over, under and out
No second glances, long out of sight
It has been ages since you stopped
Taken a breath, rested your lovely head
*From what is it you're running?

The birds have ceased their singing
It is morning dearies, where hath thy gone
Or is it my mind that has grown quiet
Suppressing that which brings my heart to smile
Listening closely, yet still feeling so alone
Tears well up, drowning in such a lost, lonely thought
Come back to me little birdies
I need you to sing me awake

I took a moment today to commune with nature
Stepping into the wood, I walked a long while
Coming upon a secluded area I finally just collapsed
Right upon the Earth and for her I wept
I kissed the sky, caressed the ground, hugged the trees
and cried
The damage done to our friend when so defenseless
Feeling sorrow for what I eat and materials I own
They are unnecessary these things when the Earth has all
Mankind so intelligent, yet so unbelievably ignorant
Why must we use our knowledge to hurt you
Corruption used to **** the planet and her beauty
A perfect system so lovely and majestic
Yet blind we sit behind four walls, caught in a rat race
And we forget how lovely it is to dance in rain
To smell the dirt, caress sweet flowers, commune with trees
For they speak you know, we are merely deaf
I sit here and meditate and feel true inner peace for once
I love you
Things have so vastly changed, I wish to live in The Old Ways
What is happening now is so unnatural, it breaks my heart
My religion is being defiled and I am a part of it
Forgive me Mother, you are more wise
I am weak, uneducated but I long to protect you
I leave my sanctuary now as I pick up trash and weep
It is alright for you, not for me
You'll last beyond eternity when we are all gone
I just pray you can forgive us and heal
When that day may come