Maybe tonight I'll forget
how to give you up
beneath the moon,
which is also you.

Did the sea ever chill your hands
like your spine,
watching me
behind a naked tree on a dead end street.

Is it a lie to surrender half the burden?
Hypnotized and paralyzed by a sky
afraid to cry
and rain.
Please, just fall from your knees
I swear
I can keep up the pain
and pretend to pull you closer.

The middle of the ocean could be three feet deep
and no one would know.
I could love you,
but I'll never part my lips.

Do you know why I never asked twice?
Maybe it was the little bit of sweat that forms by your temples
or the way you say goodnight
when it was already well into the morning.

Can you feel that when the lights are on?

tell me what keeps you awake at 2 am
whether it’s the girl who took the knife of her absence and stabbed it into your sternum
or the loneliness that swallows your skin

play the one song which releases the floodgates in your eyes
and let me listen to it over and over again
until i find which line makes your heart drop to your stomach

describe the story of your body to me
tell me of the invisible scars too
and with each detail you describe
i will make a map
so i know which road bumps to avoid
or which holy sites to fall to my knees and kiss the ground of

remember that
i wear a mask brimming with self confidence and an armor of words that are both easy to tear for they were thin like tissue to begin with
i am sensitive
taking to hurt the way a sponge absorbs water

do not hide me behind closed doors or keep me entrapped in bed sheets
when you walk past me, do not pull your hood over your head and avert your gaze
i need you to look at my eyes as if they illuminated the entire world
and kiss my lips as if they are what allow you to breathe

open the door.
bring me flowers.
because the only boy who did either was my 5th grade boyfriend

be willing to meet my family and friends
for they were the ones who created the marble statue whom you marvel at today

take note of how my heart is a reflection of myself
how she is too kind and will kiss the same man who tore her in two
so please do not say words which will make her wings flutter
if you are not ready to be the nest she flies to

let me know that me, as myself, i am enough
that i do not need to be a chameleon
dipping myself in new colors each day to please you

remember the little things about me
like how my first phrase i uttered was shut up to a man in an elevator or the delight i take in handwritten letters and mix CDs, or the significance of my first tattoo
because everything about you is being etched into the walls of mind
so that i can never forget

trace your fingers with a loving tenderness over my scars from the times i transformed my body into a crucifix
pinning my hands and feet onto a cross out of habit
thinking love was a word synoymous with self sacrifice

you must learn my language
know what zips my lips into silence
know the difference between when i want to give up versus when i will actually do so
and be there to hold me when the seams start to unravel

if you want me to love you
know that many have tried and failed
that people like me are not meant to be soft
if you want me to love you
know that to me
love is not a word you spit out of your mouth and juggle in your hands
you need to promise that our love won’t be like an hourglass
for my body has been disfgured enough from the times my chest turned inside out from the pang of abadonment
if you want me to love you
reaffirm my body is a kindgom, my heart is the treasure, and that i am your queen
paint pictures for me in what you do and say
telling me i am worthy to be loved, worthy to be kept, and worthy to stay

but if you really want me to fall in love with you
tell me what you see right before you close your eyes at night to fall asleep
and if you tell me it’s me
i will fall unfathomably further for you than i already have

I wanted you to love me
But it wasn't fair to ask
You are beautiful, kind, lovely
And I'm a worthless wreck

I'm not perfect.
There's a cry for help
that only the city lights hear -
barely flickering in response.
I go deeper in

the labyrinth I've built for myself.
I manage to get lost and
find comfort and pain
(at least I can feel pain),
in knowing no one can find me.
But even that does not last long

when hating yourself
is the only thing you know of.

When will the knife slip,
when will your feet trip -

into myself,
into my freedom?

Whose freedom
are we fighting for,
if we don't even know
who we are?

Scars on my wrist
Relics of a still breathing era
Reminding me of all the battles
I had the misfortune to lose
Tears on the pillow, blood on the sheets
I'm just a boy with a tragic past
Who longs for the day when I'm dead at last

you and me
we don't need any rhymes
anyone can see
I fall for you
just like a rotten tree

I'll be the patterns of your underwear
They won't be nothing, we don't care
Your heat is the only cure
For this loneliness that I can't bear