me - a princess trapped in loneliness,
A tower built over the years,
unable to escape my sorrow.
You - a knight in shining armor,
breaking these walls,
and in turn allowing my escape.
We flee from dragons,
spewing flames of hatred,
Form Sirens,
singing lies & deception,
From creatures created only in my nightmares.
But I don't want to be nothing more than a weak princess,
For you shelter and protect me,
I appreciate all you've done,
but now I must become my own knight,
not as to leave you behind,
or allowing your swordsmanship to become unnecessary,
But so I can be equal to you,
fighting both your & my inner demons together.
To shelter you as much as you shelter me.
To protect you as much as you protect me.
I will not standby any longer - a worthless princess,
but begin to learn how to wield my own blade.

Optimal Illusion
I wish that's all she could ever be.
A ghost,
Haunting me for a time,
but eventually the fear would dissipate,
Were I to be born of their flesh and blood,
were I their biology,
could I be happier?
Would this shadow in my mind disappear and happiness take root?
This constant fear,
lingering,
telling me I'm broken,
that there's something wrong with me.
My own demons hold little against me
and yet I take their lies and truths,
turning from them as they wave their daggers,
allowing my heart to be shred.
Spewing forth lies such as,
"I deserve this"
or
"I'll never be good enough"
I allowing my own pain.
I am unwelcome,
Unwanted,
all alone.
Or so I have always believed.
But could there be a future where all my sadness was only that,
An "optimal Illusion"?

I don't know what to say,
nor what words to use.
I was struck speechless by you.
Maybe it was embarrassment,
Maybe it was fear,
from those who haunt me.
Maybe it's just so new that I was caught off guard.
I really have no clue.
I felt numb,
cast between the gates of happiness,
and the cliffs of my own insecurities.
Caught in the firing of the bullets that question and caution.
"Don't become a monster"
"Be the perfect Model"
"Am I disappointing them further?"
"I don't even deserve love"
"How could someone feel like this for me?"
I want to cry to the heavens,
"I don't understand!"
And hope for a response ...
But do they still stand by me?
Have I been exiled,
Or do I sit in my father's kingdom?
I'm lost,
So very lost,
Wandering from home,
wishing for answers.
How could anyone love me?
Why am I confused over your desire?
Of two things I'm certain,
I love you
&
am confused

Smooth, gentle, kind caresses,
passion, desire, love,
Why do you crave me?
Why would anyone be driven mad by me?
I am simply me.
Plain, ugly, bothersome.
And yet you treat me as though I have value.
I am blinded,
unable to see any worth within myself,
so how can you see any?
How can you hug me as if the world might end?
How can you stand the sight of my tummy,
covered in stretch marks and fat,
squishy and disgusting under your touch.
Yet you call it a soft cloud,
as if you've never felt anything as comforting.
I am grotesque.
I despise my body,
I hate my looks,
and the terrible personality that follows.
How can you see light,
where all I know is shadow?
How could you love me,
how could you care for my flaws?
This leaves me hollowed in confusion.

I'm terrified,
not of you nor the things you do,
but of myself.
I'm scared of how I'll react,
Of awakening my inner demons.
That their influence will overtake me,
And I will fall as they did.
For the daughter of monsters could only be a monster herself
a cursed bloodline
You tell me time and time again, "Your not them"
"You didn't make their mistakes."
I was their mistake.
How can I be told that I'm not them,
when I can so clearly see the influence.
I see it in my hair's curly strands,
In my quiet eyes that hold back tears,
In my own talents and interests.
Their blood radiates through me.
"Your so much like me babygirl"
spirals through my head whenever she sees me.
I'm so much like them.
I have his chubbiness,
Her ****** features,
Their penmanship even looks like mine.
I have her temper,
His intelligence,
... So how?
How can I ever escape these demons  who loom around me?
I'm so much like them,
I'm so scared of finding their faults within myself.

Why do my words fail me,
when i need them most?
Wy can I not express,
these feelings you've brought upon me?
This embarrassment stems from being naive.
The newness of your kindness,
your passion and attention,
something I once believed impossible to receive.
But you came into my life,
a bird chirping a new tune,
bringing my life into spring.