Optimal Illusion
I wish that's all she could ever be.
A ghost,
Haunting me for a time,
but eventually the fear would dissipate,
Were I to be born of their flesh and blood,
were I their biology,
could I be happier?
Would this shadow in my mind disappear and happiness take root?
This constant fear,
lingering,
telling me I'm broken,
that there's something wrong with me.
My own demons hold little against me
and yet I take their lies and truths,
turning from them as they wave their daggers,
allowing my heart to be shred.
Spewing forth lies such as,
"I deserve this"
or
"I'll never be good enough"
I allowing my own pain.
I am unwelcome,
Unwanted,
all alone.
Or so I have always believed.
But could there be a future where all my sadness was only that,
An "optimal Illusion"?