In the end, whatever argument or whatever place we stood I knew that I would wake up and you would be there with me and that made any place with you bearable...the fact that you would always be by my side.
So tell me what to do now? Tell me what to do when you're gone. Tell me how to breathe because I don't think I can anymore.

My love for you is a paper lantern lit in the sky
The northern lights in Iceland
Big Sur drives along the coast
Light house journeys
The hills behind my house towering my childhood
Walks around my neighborhood
The passenger seat in my car
Oregon and roadtrips
The grey stripped sweater that I sleep with every night
The plants that I desperately try to keep alive
Late nights on my red couch kissing each other, trying to be closer and closer
My 21st birthday in Napa when I imagined what living with you would be like as we sat on the couch in the hotel room watching dumb tv shows
Carriage Hills
Music that only you could ever relate to you
Words that only you would say
Lists that we created together
Random places where we've peed or kissed
Jumping into a body of water with you in the middle of the night
My love for you exists when i close my eyes because when i close my eyes and think of my happiest moments i see you

I sit and think i'll never be able to move again if you're not here
I don't think I've ever been this sad in my entire life
Losing you is unbearable and my whole being aches
The pain won't go
The pain won't leave
It's probably too much to call and ask you to come over and hold me as I cry

Your whole being attracts me
Your sent...even the cigarette smell that sometimes lingers on your clothes
Your hand as it holds mine
Your arms as they wrap around me
Your lips as they kiss my sickly frail body
I could never desire any other body to be next to mine

I didn't want you to let go
If I could be in your arms forever I would
I feel safe and I know you'll do your best to make me happy
You'll do your best to protect me
But you let go
And I looked at you and I watched tears streaming down your face
Tears that I caused once again
And I couldn't bear to look at you
It hurt more than you'll ever know

I can't breathe without you
I can't think without you
I can't act without you
You control my entire being
You are good and just
You love and You are graceful
You have mercy that is new each morning
and yet I don't know how to submit to You

believing has never really been a struggle until now
I never really wondered, never even really cared how
a concept I just always knew
that was never the challenge that grew
but now all that's bursting forth is that doubt
steaming and screaming out of the spout
where are you now
where are you now