your feet weren't fully grounded so I pushed you
the next thing I knew, you picked me up and pulled me in too
I felt weightless in your arms...weightless and protected
yet I had to choose and once again you were rejected

It feels like you were never here
Like I imagined you coming back into my life

i push the memories away hoping I'll forget them like you're forgetting me

I won't let myself feel. I've grown cold, numb, emotionless to you.

You build up and I build down
You have roots and I have wings
You are calm and I am wild
You are nurturing and I am destructive
You are loving and I am hurtful
You stay and I leave
You walk and I sprint
You sit and I pace
You smile and I glare
You are disciplined and I fear rules
You are patient and I'm anxious
You are healthy and I dysfunctional
You are perfect and I am not
You ask why I love you.
Because you're everything I'm not.

I'm angry at myself
Did I force the one person I love most to leave?
Why am I struggling with this?
Why can't I just be better?
Why can't I just have him?

I close my eyes and I picture my dream home
I picture this house in the middle of a piece of land
It has a porch that wraps around the whole house
You walk up the stairs to get to the front door
When you open it, you see a small living room to the left
Directly in front of you is the stairs
There's a kitchen in the back and on the right side a piano for a small music room
It's rustic but not necessarily old
Wooden floors and empty frames on the wall
You walk upstairs and there are different rooms here and there
But the master bedroom is adjacent with the front door
The stairs leads right too it
As I walk up the stairs into the bedroom
There is you
And that's what makes this place home