She gave herself entirely to him.
Bent over backward and twisted herself so tight
that she lost her breath.
He drifted to her and away again
just like the ocean kissing the sand.
With every new pair of lips,
hers gasped in tears.
With every new heart-pounding moment of love,
hers cracked and broke a little.
His return was almost a little too late always.
When he smiled at her with perfect teeth,
her head didn't hurt so much from all the tears.
His touch healed her broken emotions a fraction.
When he drifts away with her hands grasping for
a scrap of his shirt
and returns nothing
she becomes nothing herself.
My heart beats for you.
Stereotypical I know, yet
Thousands of relationships have come and gone
Ours will pass too.
But before it does,
It will burn more brightly than
A magnesium ribbon.
I have traced your flared nose
Every day for three years.
Memorized the way your back
Dips down in the lower back.
Your pale pink lips
Have spoken some of my favorite words.
Actually, every word that has passed them
Is my favorite word.
Your black curly hair
Was the first thing I fell in love with.
Then your kind eyes
And how they crinkle almost to the point of closing
When you are happy.
My breath still catches in my throat
When I see you after being separated.
We are one yet two at the same time.
I know you inside and out
Yet every day I learn
Thank you for being my true love
No matter what
You are the one.
Without you, I am a speck of dust,
nothing at all.
Havoc reigns in my heart.
With you, I feel like
The ocean that is my heart is calm
My dearest, immortal love
I will love you until my dying breath
And even after.
Your eyes reflected the sparkles of Times Square.
"It's just like the movies."
Your whispered words were carried away
by the hustle and bustle of hundreds of
people just trying to make it
Cigarette smoke curled out from your opened mouth
As you gape at the people and the sights.
You studied the billboards and storefronts
As I studied your sloping nose
And square jaw.
You smiled and my heart sunk.
The city caught you and
wrapped you around its little finger.
Years later I stood in the same place,
Where you fell in love with the city.
Smoke, grime, and garbage still
littered the ground.
City lights ****** you up
and spit you back out.
I found you at a corner
not far from Times Square.
*****, tired and broke
You chuckled and simply told me,
"This is New York, baby.
Everyone loses and wins
But this is where my heart belongs."
I nodded because
Even the things we love most
Hurts us and spits us out.
Chattering, bouncy, bright-eyed
That is how I was as a child
with anyone I met,
even perfect strangers.
13 was the year I killed myself.
Ripped my heart out
and rearrange my emotions
Along with my thoughts.
It happened again at 16
Then also at 17, 18, 19 and 20.
I ripped my bones out and tore my DNA
I scrubbed myself clean with bleach
And rewired me.
Now I'm reserved, still, and dead-eyed.
Recoil and avoid even the briefest of touches
Every time I killed myself,
I was reborn and more wary of things.
Today I am alive
because I killed myself
So many times.
You came to me in a dream last night.
You stood there just as if you were the
Empire State building
My breath caught in my throat,
Like those pesky popcorn kernels.
My face bled all of its
You kissed me without a sound.
Instead of your kiss exciting me,
It disgusted me.
I hated the taste
And the smell of you.
Deli meat filled my nose
And I almost fainted.
At one time I would have
flung myself off a cliff for you.
Now I would gladly
Sprint in the different direction.
You lose the right to come
to me in dreams
Or even touch me.
Just stop it.
You had tortured me enough.
Riding in a metal tube
Under the feet of
Millions of people
And thousands of buildings.
We all have somewhere important to be,
Something important to do,
Or someone important to see.
We are all busy with
Our extremely important business
And catch glimpses
Of people we wish to be instead.
The train sputters into
A worn station
And trembles away
To another worn, tired place.
The doors glide open
And we all lumber out.
Well dressed zombies
Following the crowd,
In a hurry
Just to work ourselves
Time went slowly by
And yet oh so quickly.
It crawled and flew.
It has been years,
Yet here I am.
In my familiar, safe space
Of words and music.
To much time has past.
Many things have happened
*But I have come back. I missed you
I've been gone but now I'm back again.