I am broken, again and again and again I try to put myself back together but these thoughts, and these uncontrollable emotions will not let me. I have been bent by instances from before. These hands will not let go even when I try to pry them off of what's been holding me back. Ridicule is what I am used to and in some sense it is comforting. But the incessant lack of decency that surrounds me makes everything seem so bleak. I am tired of being sorry for these things I feel and I'm exhausted trying to hide my pain for you.. Bottling up these things that hold me down is harder than I had ever imagined and I wish I could erase the pain  I feel for you but that can't happen. I cannot just wish away these things I wish to wash away, if only it was that easy. I am broken and your contribution isn't much but it somehow makes a difference. I need to find myself again and I need to get away before the elephant in the room tramples over everything I've worked so ******* hard for. I have no words anymore.

Dear Friends on HP,

First, I wish to thank all of you for your support whether by comment or via message. This has been quite encouraging during my time here on HP.
Second, I wish to inform everyone here that I need a brief (or otherwise) vacation so I may give more time to prayer, meditation, etc., along with household duties. Also, I need to spend more time upon writing fiction which I have been unable to accomplish lately.
So please do not take it personally if I am unable to reply to your poems, since I need this time off for awhile. I have prayed about this and felt this to be God's will for me.
Thanks so much again for your continued support!

We all just want to know
when blood goes stale
and skin grows pale
where do we go?
Why do we cry at another loss of another life
when they are in a "better place"?
I just want to sink away into a oblivion of time and space
to deal with emotions no more
to deal with death no more
to deal with stress no more
to melt in two
I just wanna leap down the rabbit hole
Go away to a magical place
where sunlight sparkles with glamor
and white petaled flowers grow
Where there are no worries
only bliss
simple..bliss
and the place I call home

Sometimes it was as if she sipped chlorine
from little bottle caps with yellow nails,
tilting her skeletal neck back,
balancing it on a vertebrae that popped
through the top of her pastel blouse.
Really though, she ate media on sandwich bread;
believed anything in bold with twin quotations.
She was a hint of a woman, blue eyes. Translucent,
fair, a suggestion haunted by her own demons
that she dreampt about after I stayed up, waiting
for the sleeping pills to kick
in. After the baby came she obsessed
over her thickness, was confused and destroyed
as she called it by the miracle I laid in the crib
every night. Old photographs weren’t memories,
just reminders of how she used to look.
She would scream, explode with frustration,
when the baby wouldn’t stop crying, begged
Why doesn’t she like me? But it’s hard to hold
onto a ghost, sweetie. So she swore,
and she swore that tomorrow would be better,
she would get better. But I know
that once again I’ll make her a breakfast she’ll never eat,
rock the baby back to sleep,
and loop myself around another sunrise
just to feel warm again.