I sit here alone in the dark
sitting here only with the light of the night
I wish not to argue or to start a fight
I pray only to leave this life
to take that magic flight
No one would notice
No one would care
The world would keep spinning
perhaps a little faster
my absence would not end the world
my leaving would not cause a  earthly disaster
why am I so different
fearing the life
unlike the rest
that fear the death

Time to wake up from this morbid dream
praying to break this crushing curse
I know the things that I must do
but fear over whelms and kills the drive
I have two angels to think about
Can no longer live in limbo
between good and evil
right and wrong
I must be good
I must be right
I must say goodbye
to twisted dreams of the life
Live what I've been given
Be thankful instead of selfish
Love instead of waiting to be loved
Live until I die,not die to be living
cherish,Breath deep, take the fall
and have faith that the ones that love me
will catch me.....

You complient me in away
I didn;t think  exist
Cover me with kisses
of friendship and bliss
You shattered my wall
my pilar of ice
and make me feel confortable
whening I;m rolling them dice
I dream of you in darkness
and meadows of light
I vison you in circles
like vultures of the night
You make me plunge so deeply
Into my morbid mind
that there is nothing left
but words that are to kind
You cleverly force a smile
when a snear is all I've known
You make me resist the urge to run
when the voices tell me go......

You look at me with innocent eyes
you know not what you see
You view me in a loving way
so new this is for me
You break my heart with a tear
and mend it with a smile
You make me chase you endlessly
but it's worth ever mile
I can't believe I  made you
so magnificent you are
I never loved so true
sometimes it almost hurts
I've never felt such happiness
it's seems at times I'll burst
I know now why my parents did
all things they did
I can't believe the joy that comes
from a simple word like kid

Spining and swirling
I can't find my feet
Lost in a mind
detoured by defeat
I can't believe you beat me
I can't believe you won
For you the game is over
For me it's just begun
You walk away grinning
thinking your on top
but, this is where you're mistaken
I 'm not so easy forsaken
I will make a come back
just you wait and see
with a whirlpool of emotions
I'll shall **** you down
and giggle sheepishly as you slowly drown

Your always trying to sneak a peak
through my wall, built for defense
You've tried to climb it
but you failed
You tried to dig beneath
but unfortunately it was just to deep

So you hate and judge
why won't I let you in
You see I am protecting you
from a monster made of sin
Don't you understand?
Can't you even grasp?
This is not a paradise..
Behind this invincible wall
For lurks here is an evil
A black hole enabling an endless fall

I'm trying to save you
I wish you could see
There' s only just a bit of good
in the prison I call me....

I've always been told
monsters don't exist
I know this is a lie
I see it in the eyes
I felt in the fist

I know what evil looks like
just like you and me
I see it in the mirror
looking back at me
I hear it's furious roar
When the yells are freed

It lurks just beneath the surface
waiting to pouce
Draining our humanity
devoring every ounce

I have come to realize
So painful to see
Those monsters do exist
They exist in you and me.....

Fickle fortress is her lair
A silent maiden is waiting there
don't misjudge her ,for heavens knows
She need no rescue, she comes from below

You waltz in sword in hand
ready to defend for your a galent young man
you realize not that , this is a trap
better back up,while you have the chance

The room is shaking
the spinning wheel turns
As sinners do
the maiden grins
She takes your hand
and drags you down
She takes all you have
Even your sound

Back to rest
she lays down
until another
fool comes around

I wonder what it will be like
when I am old and grey
It seems so distant
and yet I know it's not that far away
Will my children love me still
will they think I served them well
Will they treasure the childhood I gave to them
Or feel it was pure hell
Will they lock me in a nursing home
and let me die alone
Will I spend each early night
sitting by a silent phone
Is it possible my biggest thrill
will be a doctor's visit
I dred these thoughts
and yet they come to haunt me
I hope that life is good and sweet
I know I have but one chance
There is no big repeat
I hope I will leave the world
a little bit sweeter
I hope I can stay balenced
and not end in a teeder

I have the torso of a human
and fittingly a horses ***
I am brutely honest, always
putting my foot in my mouth
I do not wish to lead you
and yet I will not follow
I can be a little silly
An optimistic to a fault
I view life through rose tinted glasses
that are tinted by my heart
All of this , I embrace with pride
It makes me who I am
I am not perfect
And would not choose to be
I am happy being saggitarius
I am content with being me

You say I talk in riddles
That raddle your brain
You think I live an illusion
and border on insane

I say so be it sweetheart
call me what you may
but remember you contribute
to my insanity each and everyday

I am a silly dreamer
a sort of crazy clown
and when you try to trap me
It makes me wear a frown

This you know just won't work
I must be happy , I must be myself
and if I can not in this world built for two
I shall do it alone, in my mind, safe from you

I can't be normal, no matter how I try
and everytime you attept to make me
a little more I die
I am tired of trying,  and realize so true
I don't want to be normal .....I don't want to be you

I don't know what to do with me
I don't know who I am
It seems that I have lost the me
The one who gave a ****
Sometimes I feel so hollow
like an emply mason jar
I try to be normal
But, it only goes so far
I wish I knew happiness
the kind that always last
it seem the only joy I know
come from a useless past
I want the pain to go away
I want to just breath in
Take the life I once enjoyed
even if I have to blow it out again
I wish I could find my soul
Where could it have gone
I need it back so I can find my missing heart song
I need that glow to light my way
and lead me through the night
Put it in my mason jar and ***** that lid on tight

I walk with the moon upon my back
searching alone , no need for a  pack
I hunt for you wherever you are
To take you down, to make you howl

You think you are so powerful with your brutal strength
but, I am oh so much stronger than you may ever think
I fear you not, only deep despise
Your bully, macho ******* will be your sweet demise
I'll take your hairy *** down, with one fatal blow
and laugh at you as you shrink back,to a quivering little *******

And, if I choose to I will drain you dry
taking that ugly mug, as a sentimental prize

I'll then take flight with a great sense of pride
off to my darken castle ,but not to hide
I'll hang your head upon my hellish mantel
and then I will continue on my happily ever after......

Take a journey if you dare
of passions and thrills beyond compare
You'll see visions cold as ice
and feel the fire but, for a price

We make the best drinks ,your mouth has ever posessed
we make them with care and a little tenderness
They'll knock you off your feet, that for certain
Preparing your mind for whats behind the curtain

We show you all the tricks for living a happy life
maybe you'll be lucky and win the door prize
You'll return home a brand new man
less your essence but, this we need you understand

So come on down,don't be shy, live the life you were born to die
We grant wishes, influience dreams, make it happen,that's one of our schemes

You'll never ask for a thing again , posessing it all to your hearts content..... One warning of caution I must pass on.....Heaven doesn't take anyone who's answered the curtains call....So watch your step it's a hell of drop....Enjoy the show....just close your eyes and.........FALL

I find you in my dreams
a vision in black
not posessing anything
but my heart upon your hat
you laugh at me so foolishly
as I cry at your decline
You whisper "it will be alright"
An wipe the tears from my eyes

I ask why I can't not have you
why you push me away
yet you call me sunshine
and send the dark clouds away

You lift your glass to your lips
and take a pausing sip
You say" love comes in diminsions,  this an endless emotional trip"
You smile sheepishly and ******* a kiss
then you stand and say goodbye ending my night time bliss

I awake as always,longing to be yours
knowing only one thing to be true
My real world is empty without the essence of you

You long for the stillness of the night
The wanting for me to hold you tight

Your blood it calls me from across town
Becking to come to you, in my blackest gown

I have warned you not to play this game
I know the ending far to well, and it's an awful shame
Yet you beg and cry and call
You know the risk and want the fall

Your windows open and I glide in
amoungt the fog of lovers sin
I lower my head to your pulsing neck
and then I give you just a simple peck

You want me to take you , to set you free
You do not understand eternal misery
There is no freedom in this you seek
You,who is to caring and, far to meek
You lack the savagery this existance requires

I smile sheepishly, as you cry in rejection
Sparing the grief of this eternal infection

I slink away leaving you to your life
Believing in the untrue
I never ment to hurt you
I would have like to stay
Draining you was wonderful
each and every unday.

I've always heard silence is golden
but, what if your voice is stolen
Is it then as precious as gold
or is it more like steel bars bitter and cold

I've always been told the grass isn't greener on the other side
sometimes I wonder and sometimes I think they lied

I have heard on the wind, you reep what you soe
I ponder this as I weep for a foe

All these expressions , these old wise tales
They try to nutshell the human nature
All that we fail and all that we hail

I believe life is short
we must set sail , we must leave port
Explore the relm on which we grace
Hand in hand and face to face

Love all that you hold dear
cherish every hug and every tear
Never ...ever live in fear

Always follow your heart,
but let your mind co-pilot
Hold on to your pride
but keep it in your pocket
Live your dreams
but,don't dream your life

Your life is a vessel upon a vast sea
Do you want to be the sail that guides your way
or continue being the anchor that holds you down today.......

The days and years they have gone so fast
I can not catch up, can not seem to grasp
And this ever growing urge to make time stand still
to keep you just the way you are pure and so secure

I want to keep you save, to always hold your hand
I know I can't keep you here and this I understand
It does not make it easier to be aware of this
I want to always have this special bonding bliss

I can't stop time
I can't keep you young
I can only hold you tight
Try to teach you wrong from right
Show you all the love I have
Cherish these moments
Be proud and be glad

I never knew the termoil ,that comes with raising young
Already I feel the pang of seperation and it has yet to have begun....

Crashed upon this deserted land
I stand alone ,no one , not hand in hand
I cry and cringe in a fetal rolled up ball
Wailing until there are no more tears to fall
Hurting,broken,left alone
no love, no life, no one to call my own
No friends , No family, just memories of the past
I cling to these with every breath, just trying to make them last

I wonder why I'm so unworthy, why they left me here to die
Was I such a bad person, was my everything a lie
I sometimes feel anger, sometimes feel sad
but most of the time , I feel numb, which in turn ,makes me feel bad

I think back to all those memories and realize one fatal truth
It was me who pushed away, locking myself in this silent booth
Opening up, sharing myself was just to hard a task
Now I'm left with nothing, but this worn out, ugly mask

So I deserve to be stuck here
To rot from my own fear
I crashed myself so recklessly into this sandy grave
Trying to get away from all the love they would have gave
So now it is so painfully visible to see
I am a prison unto myself on this Island called me

She was the one who shielded me from the cruelness of the world
Taught me how to howl and leap at the dangers that are hurled

She was there on all those sleepless nights
And,we would stay up talking until the mornings light
I learn to be the Alpha ,though she was always Beta
She would shy from confertation, I have learn to bite its throat
And, then sweet victory, I savor.

I also learned down in my heart ,if I must ,I can make it alone
the lone wolf on her own trail,howling at the moon ,never tucking her tail

I want to say thank you for all that you are
And, How I miss those midnight talks , now away we are,so far
But, think of me as I know you do, before you lay to sleep
Look up at that moon and give it a howl, a long one strong and deep
And, I promise Mom, that I will to, give a howl furious
Together always in our hearts.....Now that is Love Victorious!

Go ahead... No one will notice
They will judge me.....They won't have a clue
A clue...That it was you
Go ahead make him pay.....I can't do it not today
Chicken ****....I am afraid
Then take out yourself....Thats awful to say
You can make it all go away....It would still linger, in my heart it would stay
He deserves it for treating you this way.....He does, your right! Today is the day
Feel better now?....No I feel worse
Your such a sap....I'm human, it' a curse
Soon your have the power of fame.....No love for life though, just a name
You can't have it all ,sometimes you much sacrafice.....His life and my heart , just for a little part

Not your heart you still have that.....What was the cost then? Tell me that!
Something more precious than gold....Heaven help me! you mean my soul!

Didn't you read the small print?.....I can't believe this lement
I've enjoyed this time we've spent...Will I ever see you again
Of course you will we're bond by sin......In the end?
Yes,I will come for you......when?
When? Why when you decend....Until then?

Love that sin....I change my mind!
You can't rewind....I been forsaken?
No mistaken....I don't know what to say
There's nothing more to say it's just the price you must pay....
I wish you never came...
but, I like the game....
My soul's to high of a price...
I know but's it my vice
Please let me go....
I can't even if I wanted it to be so..
There's no hope for me?....
Just enjoy it ,and pretend that your free...
But, I know in the end,where I must go....
Yes , forever with me in the fire down below...
I'm afraid, will it hurt to burn?....
I 'll be with you when it's your turn....
Promise?...
I won't let you down...
Love is cruel isn't it??...
It is my sweet,but just a bit...
How long do I have??...
I can't tell you that...
Until then....
I'll be waiting friend

The rain it trickles down my window
beating on the ***** street
making puddles , and the children splash them with their feet
I sit back and watch
my eyes like the clouds
my cheeks like those streets
my pillow that puddle
but no child here to play
that one missing piece for the perfect rainy day
a mocking of nature ,though the meaning is different
The rain it cleanses and renews
Those tears release the trapped up blues
I wonder to myself , will there every come a day
when I will once again have a sunny day
Eyes sparkling with love for life
the laughter of that child who dwells inside
the beam of a smile that could light up the night
One tear of happiness, to show gratitude to the light

I tried to see the world as it is
Hiding my heart , as if to protect  it
But, no matter how I try
I can't seem to get these clouds out of my eyes
Maybe it's because I am a dreamer
Perhaps I was never ment to be a blue collar skemer
I live my happiest moments
in dreamy visions of tomorrow
Not realizing at the time
That now is passing right on by
Curse these reality illusions
That blends with now and then fuses
Leaving me in a state of warpness
Viewing real reality as rather hopeless
Choosing then and now
to live my life
with my heart on my sleeve
Clouds in my eyes
and wind in my sails
floating wherever
this life takes me
Wrapping myself
in the things that forsake me
Using them to warm my soul
against reality's cold wind blow
And as for love I'll take what I can
For love is the one true gift given
to mortal man

You invited yourself in through a crack in the door
looking around you yawned in a bore
Looking at my trinkets and irrelevant things
Trying to find a piece of me
but,hiding am I
from your piercing eyes
Locked in the closets
safe from your lies
You wander endlessly through my empty shell
tip toe down stairs
to a vision of hell
You thought I was so pleasant
a peaceful caring soul
little did you know of the fire down below
I come out of hiding no longer afraid
No more will I hide my silent rage
You want to know me
and what makes me tick
I hope all the darkness has not made you sick
You crawl up the stairs
shaking and scared
into a soft bedroom
and I am waiting there
at first you stare
frieghten of me
then you stand up
and come to me
I am not evil
I am not angelic
I am a little of both
I am a human
The same as you
breathing
loving
hurting
too......

I watch you through my eyes of glass
A tempting sight from first glance
So innocent and gentle is your way
Nothing like you has ever come my way
You shimmer in the light of the shining sun
You and your friends having fun

I must be careful where I tread
my kind is not welcome or so I have read
I see you from behind the clouds playing silly games
I wish to feel this joy as I hide my steamy shame
my kind would disown me for visiting such a place
Yet I am drawn to you , your beauty and your grace
but I do not belong here and this I must face
If only for a moment I could catch you in flight
I would not hurt , or tarnish your golden wings of light
Just to gaze at you and for you to see me too
Not the creature I am but, what I would be for you
Then I would set you free
and perhaps become more than the monster I have been made to be....

I lay awake in the still of the night
While the crickets sing in the pale moon light
I remember how it used to be
When sleep would come so easily
I would drift upon a cloud so shimmery and white
I felt like an angel taking her first flight

That was before the clouds turned grey
Before my innocence was ripped away
And now the darkness fills my skies
With nightmares that trample my mind
Dark visions of anger and pain
Demented creatures lost and insane
Endless falling ,spinning out of control
Why can't I just let it go

Please God if you hear me grant me this gift
Peaceful dreams of a life well spent
Give me back my soul and take my hand
Please give  me back to dreamland

Love and Hate
Soul and Mate
Give and Take
Real and Fake
Stop and Flow
Know and Show
Mine and Fine
draw and line
eyes and cries
live and dies
good and evil
doom and hope
ying and yang

Four letter words simple and true
Are easy to use to desribe me and you

My little man I understand
you can build a mighty track
and put to work those little trains
with names and faces
they'll go places
under bridges and over hills
hang on tight , don't slip those wheels
choo-choo you shout
your oh so thrilled
you've made a world all your own
setting up ever track and every stone
And now we go chugging along
and singing many trainy songs
How I love this simple time
watching you find yourself
in a world that you designed

You my angel of only two
no longer do you simply coo
For now you  have the love of song
and you love to sing it all day long
and you sing it so softly sweet
with your own timing and beat
twinkle, twinkle
your eyes beam bright
you reach for those stars
and their  twinkling light


How you love to sing
about those diamonds in the sky
and  if I could ,up we would fly
and pluck a star down
just to keep
to light your pillow as
you sleep

Sharing a song is such a good way
to tuck in the heart
and end a long day

You head for the sun
head for the light
I linger behind
in the shadows of night

Your fearless and brave
I'm a lost , lonely slave

You say life is everything  you strive to make it
I say if life throws you a life line ,than you better take it

You are my life line, my saving grace
I know me saying that puts a smile on your face
For you admitting your not always strong
is as simple as singing along with a song
For me admitting I am wrong, and stubborn too
makes me feel lonely, bitter, and blue

So I walk with you now into the light
following the sun , beaming so bright
Leaving behind the cover of night
Holding your hand , and holding it tight

I stand in front of the mirror
and glare at my reflection

I do not look as I see myself
and it eats at me like an infection

I can not explain this reaction
a lack of personal satisfaction

I wish I could release this tormented soul
be happy with what it is and accept that I am getting old.....

Hello old friend
it's been awhile
Good to hear your laugh
love to see that smile

Come and sit with me a spell
tell me everything or nothing
for it's all just as well

I have dreamed that you came to me
answering my wishes true
and in nightmares I ran away
so you could not see me blue

I have missed you
old dear friend
as if I lost myself
and now I have you once again
I hope this dream will never end

Take a stroll down any street
and this is what you'll find

The lonely , the lost , the misunderstood
It's a shame what the mind can ignore

Rarely eyes fall upon these lost souls
Sometimes they are people
who have lost thier way

Sometimes forgotten playgrounds
where the child once played

Sometimes old buildings
that hauntly echo
a once vibrant time

It is a shame that we can just leave
them all to rot
as we go on our merry way
making more memories
while these forgotten people,places, and things
just simply exist

I feel an empty darkness
a hole within my heart
A missing piece
that has been torn right out
Why can't I heal myself
why can I move on
Before the heart I have left
blows up or falls apart

I hear the echos of past
they taunt my thoughts
with the pain they cast
Haunted by an unlasting love
my heart the house
My soul the home
so lost and all alone
The ghost in my heart
the unwelcomed guest
The love I have lost
an unconcored quest

I hold your little hand as you tell me of your day
so sweet, so innocent , so easy is your way

It makes me realize just how precious you are
Like a sweat dream , like a shooting star

So I hold you tightly, and kiss your sweet head
and sing you a lullaby as I carry you to bed.

Sweet dreams my little one with the ever growing spark
the inquiring innocence that tugs at my heart....

I try to look within myself
afraid of what I'll find

Sometimes so much anger
I feel I am a danger

Sometimes so much love
I fear I will drown

Often so much numbness
Do I actually exist

Often so dreamy
like a child with a wish

I see my reflection
so blank, so bare

A face in the mirror
with so many masks to wear

The child in me still believes
in magic and fairytales

I daydream of a time
where love can concor all
and someone will catch us when we fall

I dream at night
of angels in flight
and the darkness is lighted
with a rainbow of sight

Oh, if life could only be
As wonderous as a child can see

I see you in the distance
a face among the crowd

An aura all around you
like the sun shining down

I want to get to know you
so strange this is for me

I tend to shy away and hide
from encounters that could be

Yet, I find myself walking toward you
fearless and aware

That hearbreak could be knocking at my door
and for the first time I don't seem to care

Then you look to me and smile
and I feel myself beam bright

Stranger than fiction
a sweet encounter
of  love at first sight