if i were to be asked how i was feeling i'd probably tell you i was fine. i wouldn't be lying, but you're not actually asking because you want to know, you're making conversation and that's okay. if i were to be asked how i was really really feeling, it'd be best described as a gaping hole in my chest. it's getting hard to breathe when i'm alone and i get the shakes so bad i can't fall asleep. i haven't been eating as well as i should and i know that probably factors in but if i look at all the facts objectively i am definitely, truly fine. i have those who love me and i'm happy in my personal relationships and even if i wasn't i have the constant companionship of a pet cat and the support of my mother and i'm doing everything i'm supposed to be doing. and i guess there doesn't have to be a reason to feel this way it's a neurological problem and it can just occur with no rhyme or reason but that being a fact almost makes it worse. i feel determined to find a reason to find something to be insecure of to solve the mystery of why i've been feeling this way but the answer isn't clear and it's frustrating.

pt. 2

my bones are made of iron and i am strong-willed and cautious. i don't need anything but my own determination to get better and i'm confident that i will.