There's something
About listening
To the rain
Fall on the streets
Below
While looking
Out from the
Third story
Window
That I find
So peaceful.

As I hit my
Cigarette
The last few times
Before dying it out,
Like everything I've
Ever dreamt about,
I stop to wonder
Where my life
May go.
I could live to see the
Age of twenty-five,
But I guess time
Only knows.

I'm another
textbook
definition
of what
the kids
shouldn't
be.

(10w)
-Andrew Durst.

We're
         falling
                in
                   love;
And the rest
is just
science.

My father once told me
"In life, you either sink or swim."

     I wasn't expecting the water to be so deep.
So I keep treading and holding my breath; Waiting to be pulled under by all the promises I never kept.

We worry
about tomorrow




   what a waste it'll be when we don't wake up.

I walked through a field of graves today,
And as the shadows of tombstones danced at my feet I thought about all of the times I wanted to be lying here six-feet under.
Through my trials of error I thought I had seen it all, but with every hardship I come to accept and handle head-on, I find myself starring into the eyes of a new fear.
Sometimes I tremble, sometimes I fall, but I always get back up.
I will never let the idea of failure bring me down, mo matter how consuming it may be.
So with sore shoulders and weary feet, I'm here at the entrance of all the souls that said goodbye,
Trying to find a place to rest; amongst shadows of tombstones and all these broken things.

I never really traveled much;
that upsets me.
So I'll put my fingers on this modeled globe,
And travel across the world.
    In little to no time at all.

All the world does
is take.

           Even when I have nothing to give.

I am so worn out and jaded,
that my senses of
compassion
and sincerity
are simply
withering away.

It is sad to admit
that the truth is,

I will be worth so much more
when I am
      dead.

I don't have much to say;
      there's not much I want to do.
I want to be
alone.
Not for the sake of
my sanity,
no,
but for the sake of
feeling whole.

I've never done well,
understanding things
like everyone else does.
my mind keeps turning gears
over and over
and over again.

At least when I'm
alone,
the confusion,
the stress,
the anxiety.
It all seems to
         go away;
I don't have to focus
on anything.
         And that puts me at ease.

I'm not asking
        for life to be easy.
I'm not asking
        for everything to always
        go my way.
It'd just be nice
if I could just have
one opportunity
at escaping the craziness
inside my head
and my surroundings.

I know I've made mistakes.
          But I never had the
          intentions
          to do anything wrong.

"I can't"
  &
"I don't know"
             These are two
       Very common phrases
       I find myself using a lot
              These days.
      Maybe it's due to the fact
That I don't want
       To
           Try;
     I'm starting to
     Believe
     That I'm afraid
     Of moving on.

I love the way
your perfume
                     lingers
on my clothes
   long after
   we've said
           goodbye.

                        Although
                        it's not the same
                        as holding you in my arms.
                        I enjoy the comfort
                        it brings me.

I take a hit of a cigarette but see no smoke.
I know it's lit; I can see the cherry red ember reflecting in your crystal blue eyes with every drag I take.
You keep smiling at me as if I just cracked a joke.
Although its beautiful,
I cannot fall for that sinister look.
Now you're telling me that you need to feel whole.
Grabbing at my hands as if I was about to let go.
And you can see it reflecting in my eyes
         That I wanted so badly
              to kiss your lips.
I take another hit and see no smoke.
Could this be a dream
          or something so much worse?

If life
itself
is solely based
       on finding
ourselves,
even though
there's so much
to live for.

Then yes;
I believe in
fate.
Why else
would we
waste our time
with something so
          tedious?

Broken,
lost,
hopeless.
We are all ghosts.
Yet we feel the pain, love, and hatred from others.
From everything we once knew.
They're more than just dreams
that never came true.
They're everything I've wanted
and so much more.
And if happiness is
making something
out of nothing.
Then I need to take this... This...
This... Feeling of
nothingness,
and fix what
shouldn't be
broken.

Honesty
      shouldn't
           hurt,
                      Neither should love.

         But things
     don't
           always go
 as planned.

Every day
I get just
A little bit
               further
               down
this path
I'm walking

And I'm
beginning to
     feel
as if,
nothing will
ever.

Stop me.

Just like the rusted
hinges
latched to the door
of my once
lively home,
and all the things
you never
cared to say.

    I'm barely
          hanging on.

Leave me,
Like a
     ruined book
          collecting dust.
   Abandon me,
Like a steel mill
       consumed
  by rust.

Tell me about
    Tomorrow,
As if it were
       Today.
And I'll try to find
    Acceptance,
In the things
  I cannot change.

The
Children
Can't
      Sleep
At night...

    ...And
We're the ones
Protecting
   Them...

We were
under the bridge;
looking at the street lights
and the half frozen,
patiently racing
river.
               We started talking
about all the things
we've done;
all of the things we
simply did.
               And I thought to myself...
        "maybe this is growing up."

Every day I contemplate;
       This feeling never goes away.
There's nothing I can do.

There's something deep within my mind;
     I swear it's racing all the time.
Why can't I calm down?

Don't tell me that it's just a phase,
  It's been four years to this day,
And still I have no hope.

I'm not one to forget,
   I have no use for amends.
Please, just walk away.

Give me something to believe,
    Not your sense of empathy,
You'll only waste your time.

We are a moment of awkward eye contact
         and sweaty palms;
All the tension of the world
      weighing on feeble shoulders.

I'm not sure if we're going anywhere,
Or if we're already where we need to be.

Walking past you in the hallway,
Always makes me
              Think.

I'm stuck
In the toughest moments
From few and far between.

Searching for something
      Searching for anything.

People will believe
What they want to
Believe.
          It is not up to Us
To decide whether their
Beliefs
Are fact or fiction.
          So don't waste
Your time
Worrying about what
Other People's
Judgement and Concerns
May be.
          Because in the end,
    You're only left
With
     Yourself.

The Future;
   The Past...

They're
The
  Only
things
      We
Cannot
**Control

I always ask myself questions:
am I good enough?
do I really have potential?
does anyone actually care?
why do I feel so displaced?
It's upsetting; knowing that I'll probably never have the answers I'm looking for.
But, I guess it's meant to be that way.
Whether or not it's for better or worse, I'll never find out.
These questions I have are the offspring of my doubt.
I'm trying my best to keep these feelings of disappointment and stress at bay.
But every time I try to speak; I find myself searching for the words to say.

Thanks for the inspiration,
And all your broken things.
These moments of silence
Are barely holding me
               Together.

So, don't be the one
That shatters my sanity
With the echoing sounds
Of distant cries
Originated from things like
            Lust and love.

I'm pacing back n' forth in the recesses of my mind.
Thinking about tomorrow; as if I have the time.
I've got a book of regrets and a list of excuses.
Stitches for the cuts and ice for the bruises.
I've got the heart of a warrior but the guts of a coward.
And I'm always screaming inside my mind; as if silence could get any louder.

I'm trying to stay positive; I'm trying to learn.
But it's hard to move forward when your "success" is everyone else's concern.
They're always breathing down my neck and saying things like "you can do better!"
But I guess they don't know that my ambitions change with the weather.
I can't explain it or even begin to understand why.
It's something that's out of my control no matter how hard I try.

I don't
     Believe
Anyone is a
    stranger
To hardship.

    But if you are...

Well,
    What a
Horrible
    And  
         Inexperienced
Life
You must
      Live.

I looked at you today.
    And I "checked you out"
for a good moment or two.
And in those moments,
I didn't really think about too much.
I just thought of you.

For the first time, in a long time,
There wasn't something
   Eating away at my thoughts.
I realized how I could really
        get used to that feeling of clarity.
And it reminded me to tell you;
          That you have the most beautiful eyes.

Slowing down and finding the time to take a
"breather"
is easier said than done.
And when you finally do,
it feels like you've lost a lung.

Nothing ever comes easy;
although I wish it would.

            But when you work for something;
the rest comes as it should.

Your "love"
Hit me like a
Sucker punch
To the jaw.
So I couldn't
Say a
Word.

And the whole
Time we were
Together,
I was
Swallowing
Shattered
Teeth.

In morrow,
The sun will rise,
Greeting me
With a
Soothing warmth.
                And by noon,
           My being
   Will be as
                  Calm as
   A gentle          evening
          Breeze.

I'm quite aware of the
           "Mistakes"
That I have made.
And I understand what the
     "Consequences"
Are for everything I've
         Done.
So there is absolutely
       No need
For you to remind me.

      I'm quite
           Content
                With it all.

I'm trying to run but I can't hide.
So if you find me I won't be surprised.
Please, tell me all your plans,
And I'll do my best to understand.

I can't believe,
What you've done to me,
And I cannot breathe,
I'm drowning in,
    All your apathy.

I'm looking for the pieces of my pride,
I lost it all in the seems of time.
I do not care for the pain,
I have what I need to make it all go away.

I can't believe,
How could you do this to me?
It's getting hard to breathe,
     I swear I'm drowning
In all your misery.

Tell me you lost it,
Tell me you lost it,
Tell me anything.
Make this all okay.
I think I'm beginning to
            Suffocate.

I heard that loose lips sink ships,
But I refuse to stay silent.
You can try to bring me down,
But I'll still stand defiant.

My time is now
You can't take that from me.
Why do you always try
To cut me down at the knees?

I know you can't stand it;
I know you want these feelings to die.
So keep feeding me your excuses,
Because I can taste all the lies.

Walk a mile in my shoes,
Then just maybe, you'll see.
We grew apart,
Because your love was a *******
                                            Disease.

There's not much
You can really
Do about it.
        It's
Something
       You eventually
Let go.

And when you
       Do.
All the
   Little
    Moments.
Really don't
     Seem
That
        Small.

I used to spend time
Worrying about
How other people
Looked at me.
              Until I asked myself;
      Is there
      Anyone
      I really
      Need to
      Impress?

The  
                               Snow
    Keeps
                    On
Falling,
                    And
        ­  The
                              Wind
   Keeps
                          On
  Howling.

So I think I'll just stay inside.

We're like
   A waterfall.
     Slowly moving
        Towards the edge.
                               Just
                               Waiting
                               To
                               Fall
                               And
                                      Break
                          On
                                   The
                                                Rocks
                               Below.