when i was a kid, i pretended i could
breathe underwater so that if i was
ever caught in a wave for too long
i wouldn't panic- but now my hands are
shaking and i can feel my lungs getting tight
and my ear drums are starting to pound, and
these ceilings are
crushing
me.

i wish i could love you
gently, but the beating in my
chest is echoing like a choir
through cathedral halls
and i don't know how to think
about you quietly

(maybe, if there is a god, he
meant for our song to be
heard by heaven)

i.
no matter what your teachers
may tell you, your grades are not a
measure of how smart you are, that
has more to do with how you handle your
heart, and i have never seen anyone love
more fiercely or smart than you.  

ii.
i have let boys touch me just because
i was scared to lose them; don't let them
lay a hand on you without you asking
them to, you are worth more than that.

iii.
people will walk away, but you've known
that already.  keep your chin up so that when
they turn back one last time, they know that
you don't need them.
you don't need them.

iv.
i hope you find somebody that holds your
hands, even when you're nervous and
they start to sweat.  if they pull away,
you come find me and i swear,
i won't let go.

I change my moods as you talk to me less
Why you weren't there is anyone's guess
Repelling as easily as I have attracted
Learning that nothing lasts forever.

I was being my best self, selflessly
Trying on social altruism, a place for all
A den for hedonism and parties
But now you never call.

The one in the middle, must hold it together
When I fell apart, fragmentation
Thoughts of it lasting forever
Rumination and contemplation.

My core knew it was unsustainable
I was moving toward my destiny
One final summer of debauchery
Now I'm the one gathering infamy.

Lessons learned, in the end
Growing up together, of all ages
I'm glad I can still call you friend
It was only one of those stages.

Green and mean, stench of nature
Tiny glass rocks, pale smoke
Combusted, inhaled, exhaled, ecstasy
Pathways to another dimension.

Sometimes bringing fear
Mostly tranquilising
Words flow even better
When you are in my veins.

Hearing the hidden
Under your influence
Feeling everything
Sensory affluence.

Becoming more accepted
In this backward world
A symbol of peace
Mother nature's milk.

Toyed with by Man
Now mutated, stronger
I long to stroke you
As you stand in nature.

Pass, pass, pass, pass
You are mine alone
And better with others
Tender unassuming glory.

I like to hold you
Feel you crumble
With sticky residue
A plant, so humble.

There once was a **** called Burt
Who said that he'd never been hurt
He falls for The Prom Queen
Who ****** the whole ball team
Poor Burt now knows she's a flirt.

Yeah I'm doing better
At realizing the truth
That you never
Want to be together
But I don't know
What I did wrong
You were my everything
And that's all gone
I want you back
Cause this is all wrong
You should be here
You should be mine
I miss you
And I'm sorry
I'm just wasting your time...

who i am is so far from who i was
even further from who i want to be

feeling useless
as though the point that once stood tall
in the name of my existence
is now on the ground, withering away

the ideally painted, colorful portrait
that my life once was
now possesses spews of ink
and bleeds only black and white

resorting to discomfort
in the most unfamiliar places
when really all i want
is to feel life once again

to dance with the flowers
and sing with the trees
to lust after adventure
to see, trust, believe

but everything is now so askew
the print of letters is fading
hazy eyes and darkened thoughts
without consent, everything is rearranging

i need to be freed from this hollow
the empty being i feel i am
what was it like before? i almost can't recall
but i would like her back, please

who i am is so far from who i was
even further from who i want to be