Down is the new up;

How ****** is that?

It's all twisted around into this sickness that everyone enjoys

This mass hysteria to be weak minded

To be a piece of flesh prying off of the shin bone onto the fence post

The pain feels so good; the hurt is almost too easy


Watch as the ground swallows my blood

It takes it in to add to the collection of the centuries that fought for us

I fought for us and slowly drowned in the undertow that took you away before

The light did and I can not be afraid of this being that lives in my mind.

I feel as if I must die tonight for this to ever be anything more

Than a waste of time or for my life to be a waste of time.


But then will someone come and take my place?

The keeper of the black heart in which you so bestow.


I felt pain creep in and I stumbled naked down the hall to the bathroom where there would be no doors
                      
                          to hold me back from the other side of this world that I do not yet know.


                     Until tomorrow my love,
    
                                                               You will never know. . .

                                        My love until the tomorrow, which I will never know.

Black on the outside
Blue on the inside

The rain shivers down the windshield
Of this ****** car
    That is slowly taking me back to you
         But do I want to?
             Do I want to go back and forth again?

                    I just want to breathe your breath once more.

             To feel the knife of time
         Slowly slide inside and tickle the sweet spot
     That I have tried to hide
But it’s twisted and turned around too much

So how does the reflection look in the mirror?
Do you ever look into you your own eyes?
Can you see mine?
                             My black eyes – which you once loved

They are the way
they are
from all the years
of searching
for your
weary head

                       Only on dark roads have I found love
                                                            ­                       It’s just that all of my roads end in death
                                                
                                                                ­              Dead end.

                                                           ­               Nowhere to go.

Oh, how I love all
                                  
                          ­         of your collected sighs

The screams and the moans
                                                      
    ­                                                     that you give away at night

You may not know these things,
                                                         ­     
                                                                ­              But oh how I love them all.

You also don’t know this,
                                                           ­                                              but you share many colours too.

During your times of madness and sadness
                                                         ­               
                                                 ­                                                                 ­                            you paint my world

Red
                                                      ­                            
                                                                ­                    Yellow
                                      ­                                                         
       ­                                                                 ­                                                                                        ­         Blue
So I take them all in,
                                                           
                                                    and I love them
                                                            ­                                                
                ­                                                                 ­                       just about as much as
                                                              ­                                                                 ­                               
                                                                ­                                                                 ­                              I love you.

I’m falling into the shapes of this room
The monster down –
                             the –
                            stairs –
                                                                ­                                                                 ­                     now behind me

my eyes barely open                                                          sti­rring – stinging – sleeping

underneath the closing doors
                                                           ­                 their lying eyes in and on my flesh

                                                          ­       the house is on fire

                                                       -her brain is closing down-


Heavenly               ghost                              grab                          ­         my                                               throat
Throw      me                   down                to               the                   end                of                 the            rope
Or                 to                  the                                        end                   ­       of                        the               road
Downstream        in                        the             ­    gleaming                          gloaming                back-dr­ifting
A                                                w        ­                                                             a                                                 y


                                                     Give me a taste of your venom
                                                           ­                                             delight
        ­                                               Come back to the wilderness
                                                      ­                                                  night
     ­                                                        Bring me love only in the
                                                             ­                                           quiet
            ­                                                                 ­                           times
                            ­                                            Stay until morning  
                                                       ­                                             
                                                                ­              Let the stars
                                                         ­              Replace the scars
                                                         ­                    and the dreams
                                                        ­              Replace the screams

                                
                                                                ­                                             - your last words will not be heard -
                                                               ­                                           your miserable life is not what it seems
                                                           ­                                        - it’s only what it isn't and is all it will ever be -

I wish I could see myself the way that you do.

Fingers stuck together
Eyes are shut too.
Emptiness and happiness
Are in between the pages
That haven't spoken to you
Yet, all I want is to see the sky.

I want to lie to you again
The feeling is like a bullet in the brain
But I love it.
To just know that something else is in the way
Of our only way out of this place.
Did you know the person that spoke at me behind my back?
Or the ******* that emptied out your heart.
And spilled your guts on the white blank page
Broken in from years of ****** hearts touching it.
The book of your death
and my re-birth.

Of course I've opened it,
It took my breath
Away. . .

And shook the light out of me
But brought me back to earth
To spread this darkness that I have so rightfully earned.

Bring me out of it,
Away from here
In the space between
Your cloudy eyes
and my hollow heart.
The place where I can begin again
and push restart.

Danger - Dead man talking
Keep away, *keep away.

I could always do this
it’s my life
under these brilliant stars
That chose my eyes tonight

Burning all the time
The fire is never ending
Suppose that you came
What would I feel inside
Like ticking time away
Sticking near your fine line baby
Stay down and watch it bloom

Do you hear that?
It's an echo of your life
telling you to stay the night
                       stay the night
in this wild wonderland of wicked women
you’re the only one
they've picked you again guy.

Love the strange screams in the dark unknown trees.
Love the repetition of the plague of crazy dreams.

Do you like the life on fire?

I feel as if I've lost you,
Doe eyes.

The words haven't left me yet
Come back and hear what I can change
See what I can feel
Love what I can hate
Hate all that I love
Do you feel me still?
Sugar brains.

Question mark.
Something is in the way
Speak out loud
Be the light in the cloud above
The sky is grey
Lady love

Fall in between the space that they can't reach
Out of shape but in a place that I can't see
Far out of the realm of the mind at ease
Like a raging storm on your favorite beach
It's not right
The night

My morbid morning makes me mean, maybe makes me mean
Something to someone with a special something showing, shining,
Really raking in radiance really reeling in
Every eternal emotion even an excellent empty memory
May make movies, maybe make madness
Inside infinite nothingness,
Not needing, not giving
God's good graces
Though the thought
Or obstruction obtained
Needed new nightly nudges. . .

                                                . . .to make it through again.
  
The shotgun will tell you in the first eleven days
The last wave goodbye

Hello Dark One.

When I saw your eyes
It was like I had greeted death
With this fake smile
That I’ve always shown
Its haunting breath
Freezing me so
The cold hallway
Behind this door
Closed and dark now
Where I am and where I am going
I will never know

I wish I had never seen the sign
I wouldn’t have followed
I wouldn’t have gone so far

When I lost your eyes
It was if I had lost my shine
I can never smile
I am forever haunted
I’ve been thrown from the light

Please do just one thing for me, my dear
Don’t ever let me know
Don’t ever tell me how you feel
Please don’t come back to my face
Trying to scream out and repeat my name
Never again will you speak my name
I will never forget your face

Forget everything you loved
Because now I’ve remembered
Everything I hate

I hate everything I hate

I’ve been around and back
I’ve been dead and alive
I’ve been drenched in black
I’ve been stripped of my life

I’ve been hating
I’ve been waiting
I’ve been nothing

I’ve been. . .

Follow me down to the water
Fill your heart with hate
Throw down everything you love
Never forget this day

It’s the one that came to be known
As the darkest one of them all
The worried and sick will be the first to go
All of the materialistic objects will be next to fall
All of your weapons and strong hands
Cannot stop what is coming to us all
To all the ones who have claimed to have known this
You will finally get what’s coming to you
To the ones that never gave a care
I’ll be sure and meet you there soon
Standing on a beach on the east coast
We stand waiting together for a sign of the lost hope

Mother Nature, take back what’s yours
Leave the ones who ****** you to burn, burn
Burn away all of the time that was bought
Let the money drift away in the ashes
From the hands of the Father

The last ghost to come home
You will be forever lost now
It’s time to move on

Will you follow me down?
When did you lose your love?
Did you save up all the hate?
To deliver it to the one above. . .

You have seen this coming.
Have you seen Him?

I can’t see the light from the light house
From all of this heavy smoke;
The layers of fog form on this empty ocean
And cover my only sense of hope.
The new ghost in my home
Now shares with me the stories
From the old souls that collect around
This holy place, this black hole.

Let me know when you get here. . .

They connect the scrambled pieces of time
That were dropped from the family
The opening hole now gaining strength
By pulling out the memories from my mind.

Oh go now, go away now old soul, old soul
Go away slow, but never slow enough
It’s never slow enough for them.

Can we leave in the night?
I ******* hate today and everyday
For whichever one matters.

Split into two sides;
That are always fighting for the infinite light
The question is, can you see without it?
The life sustaining glow from above
How about the one that brings eternal death from below?

When will I love again?
When will we see?
The obvious signs in life,
We can never be.

                                                    Take these words of advice
                                                          ­             &
                                                        don’t ever love me. . .

I enter through the gate
Into the woods
There is death everywhere
This is roughly how it will go
You can make changes in another life

Loaded shotgun in hand
Not for any particular reason
Or because I am scared
It’s just because
I go back to the old saying
That my father instilled in me

“Never enter the woods, without a loaded gun.”

I continue. . .

                                                              ­                                                        Heavy footsteps in the dead leaves

There is something up ahead
That it is and what it is
I am not sure. . .

The ground is still wet
There was serious damage after that storm
Just like there is after every storm

                                                          ­                                                                 ­                                   Fog smoke

I've approached it now
The night was covered in red
Delicious blood red

The shells rattle together in my pocket
The only thing left with still connection
I hear something fall behind me, make that twice

Spider webs in my vision

Tire tracks on the ground; fresh, strange

Another spider web in my vision

It’s a wasteland down here. . .
I think I need a cigarette
Click, click inhale
Love it, die

Mosquito death
Nicotine buzz
If I stop now
I’ll die in the flood.


-Pause-


Shotgun blast; exit wound
The entry way is opened now
Come take a look inside he said

What’s next?
What’s around the bend?
Another fallen tree,
Or another empty me?

                                                            ­                Heavy footsteps in the leaves, heavy breathing underneath.

Another dark shadow
Another spider web in my view
I know that this ground is hallow
From all the memories of me and you.

The stone takes off now
It quickly rolls away
Just like you did,
and just like I am today.

                                                         ­                 At the bottom of the hill I see the sunset in a whole new way.

No more grey skies
No more bland colours
Only the singing blue jay
Only the beautiful day

I'll see you again
On the fifth of May.

One week
One week until I can release
All of my demons
All of the ones that eat away at me
At my heart and in my mind
I've come to terms with the fact
That I am completely insane
With that, most would decline.
But I know it. . .

How can I live everyday?
Wanting to leave
Silently listening to nothing
With those evil ******* begging me to give in
Just let us take control
Let me take everything
But I'm not ready yet. . .

What if I don’t wanna go?

I can't bear it anymore
Their scratching voices echo
Through my body and in my soul
Poisoning every step
I’m slowly letting go
I’ve called to you God
Why is everything so . . .

****** up, you are
You are ****** up
& this I know
Please tell me something different lover
& maybe I’ll let go.
But not yet
& this I know . . .

I am living here with
New ghosts and old regrets;
My voice was once solid gold.
But after years of abuse,
It’s faded from green to black in the smoke.

The full moon tonight will glow.

The cold blood from my veins
Will drain ever so slow.
Empty out my heart;
Let my mind go.
Throw my body in the river,
The only place I've ever loved.

Welcome in this horrible night
My favorite one of all
It lets in all of my demons
Into that long and crawling hall
That stretches across my life
They are tearing down the doors
All I have is seven lives.

Let it go Andy!
The heart will bleed.
All of your love is gone,
Why won't you let it be?


This is the most haunted day of my life,
I can tell you this for sure . . .
I hope that you will never meet me.
You will slowly drown too,
In my life of horror.

*“Tecum vivere amem, tecum obeam libens“

The strangest of sounds around
Sights unwound into a tornado of pure filth
Is this what its all about?
The money, the attention
Grounded beyond the all of this guilt
I wonder if I should go out there. . .

Take the plunge, make the fall
Are you strong enough to withstand the time?
Are you willing to answer the call?

I know that,
They don't understand my face
It brings back the demons that they've tried to replace.
The wasted nights spent drowning in this rotten place.
Trust that the words that I've said, are not a true waste.

It's all about the darkness, the real evil inside.

Could you find the way?
Could you get the time?

Where have you been?
Someone must have died or something.
The end could not lie about the others,
They could only see what was there before your birth.

The fast death of a politician
The eternal birth of a caged bird

A single moment in history that completed
the story that was unknown.
An unknown ending to the portrait
that was burned before completion
and the error that was caused after
the burn.

Would it bleed?
Could it form to be an answer?

So speak of the scent
that flows through my hands
every time you greet me on this holy land
And every time I kiss you
under these stars that have yet to show you
the stock pile of ammunition that they have stored up
to send us to Mars and back.
It's an amazing story.

A long awaited awakening for the sleeping beauty.
The instant unexpected death of the crimson beast.

Midnight samurai's and early morning assassins
Will die before our love will.

Just lie still
                    &            
                       you'll see it.

It’s* always the same

Everyone, Everything

It’s all the same

I want to see you

The naked truth

Clothed armies of your mind

Closed hallways aren’t the kind

To heal and regret nothing

You’ve always struggled, with that

Wondered – Power up

                                                           ­                                                                 ­             Unexplained mysteries

The missing pieces

The stars between us

I’m over it almost

Stay forever naked by the phone

I have no soul

Your words are missed

No conscience


Falling in,      and not,        floating out,        of it anymore


Find the God

The home




                                                                ­                                                                 ­                             **Burn it

Go to sleep.
Open up your dreams
To begin the amazing thoughts
and beings that conform
and reside around
the confusing words
that live in your mouth.

Lay with me,
Die with me
Open me up,
Twist me all around
and then put yourself in
Begin to see the inside of me
Inside the walls of my lungs
The black and graffiti’d walls
Wonderful, so good to be
All night, alright

What happened to you,
While you were inside of me?
Did you drive to the mighty sea?
Did you see the artist at work?
The girl in bed.
The man so lost.
The confusing air.

Mind of mine,
Lose your blues…
Use the abuse as the juice
To squeeze and drain
and inject into the veins
of this wicked country
Into your tattooed arms
Into the mind of your God
and your empty spirit.

Colliding and spinning…
Colliding and spinning…

What do you do when all you have left is your mind, wandering?
When your heart is in constant limbo with right and wrong,
If you try me, I will **** you.
Remember my words solider.
I will rise up!
I will bury you underground.
Come on...

Ask about my mind and heart again.
Come test out these waters of turmoil
The oil isn't ****.
It's your way of looking around when your understanding
Isn't the most understanding thing about looking around.
What is going on around you?
Can you see the bridge ahead?
We are going under...

Stiff lies and ***** drinks make your mind wonder and think
About the last paragraph that you read
Remember the price that's on your head
When I find you, you are so dead.
******* try me!
Take a quick sniff of the load of **** that is your life
It's all a lie.

But it will be over soon.
And then you will be completely consumed
By the fire, that is your life.
Which is a lie.

Take one quick look around
Do you see where you are?
You are in my world boy,
Soon to be taken over
By the black water
Around the bend.

The end.
The fire.

I know that this mind
This wicked and ****** up mind
Will sink farther than yours
Under the waves of the graves
That has been opened up before me
and your once perfect thoughts
If there is even such a thing
I’m sure you thought that
Wear the skin of the corpses
That have followed you downtown
Into the ****** streets of that town
Into the ****** streets of Saint Augustine
or Saint Petersburg or Gainesville, Florida
I wonder which one I’ll burn away first
In the ******* emptiness of my heart
Thank you, for beginning the start of my madness
Oh well, I’m not sure if it was you that pushed it off
I think it was the sick sadness of world that has turned me on
The rush I get when I write these words
The worse words that connect and form verses
That will infect the simplest things that once were the simplest things
Before us, but are now just lies and memories
Dead men tell no tales.

So let the world continue without ever believing that we were real
Keep on telling yourself that the past should stay dead
Because it will, unless you **** me…

And I swear I’ll haunt you.
Infinity.

I'm still here, but I'm not.
I'm struggling to spit out the broken pieces
of yesterdays wrongs.
That devil that loves me so
He rings in at his own pleasure.
Gives the man at the door a hundred dollar bill
and moves in.

Crushing, captivating
Unfathomable, unraveling
I'm ******* useless. . .
Hello, goodbye
Welcome, Welcome
You're just in time
I'm sorry that you made it here
But you're just in time
To see my seven worlds collide.

The silent crimes between you and I. . .
The other story that was never told. . .

I love to watch my world be destroyed
It take me seconds of a march
and I can spring into it like the thirteenth day of April
or in another thirteen days, we'll see if we're able.
The final day on earth.

Leave me now too.
Explore the the expansive explosion that is my mind
The thoughts that were open, now torn away, so kind.
Maybe the grim reaper is near
I wonder if I'll see him today. . .
Or in the perfect silence that splits this room in two
Into a vast plain of nothingness,
Or into the dark void of consciousness.

Just don't fall in too deep, or you'll never make it back alive.

Isn't it strange when there are days
That when all that was once going well
Has been washed out in the rain
The entry point that I desire
Leaves me still and broken
My mind can't take in this denial
This wrong road that I have chosen
This feeling of regret, but no cause.

                                                         ­    No regret. No cause.
                                                          ­  Don't waste my time.

                                                          ­                                          I'm not holding on to them anymore
                                                         ­                                     Yet the devil is chasing me back to them
                                                            ­                                   But the Dark One; the Queen of Spades
                                                          ­                                         Took the Ace's Heart and held onto it  
                                                         
  ­                                                        She spoke secrets to him
                                                       & told the lightest of lies too.

The Ace's Heart had then been pawned into
an Ace of Spades
                              the poor fool.
All of because of her glorious face
the Queen of Spades.
                                Oh how beautiful!

                                                     Now speak only in a whisper. . .
                                                           Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
                                                         ­         Yes.          Yes.
                                     ­                                      Yes.

The little y that marks the spot
Behind the white sweet spot that
Holds the truth behind your smile;
Lies upon the sugar laced shoulders
That are wrapped in your perfect skin
Underneath those dark clothes
That you and I love so much
and your black fingernails
That left the deepest scars
Down the left and right sides of my spine

The sweet caress of your modest *******
Is the feeling that I love best,
When your chest is against mine
In the middle of the night.
My love.
Oh dark one. . .

I caught the smile of a dead girl
On your right side, the brightest side
If you even believe that for a second
Before your eyes caught mine
There were no alarms
But now I can see them, your eyes
and I can still feel your smile
Every ******* night that I try and forget
But your precious ghost hides inside of it.

Can you walk with me awhile?
Spend the night a least a hundred miles
Outside of the usual styles that you are used to.
I have been used too.
Put on display like the ******* last page
That I will never write again.

I swear.

You will see a new beauty behind these trees
and a cool openness of these arms to please
Your closed senses and to plant new kisses
On the sweet cherry lips
Of your holy face.

Oh strange,
Death calls on me.

She wakes me up with a plain stare
I can't believe it,
Started out on a plane
Woke up falling out of the air
They threw me out of the way
Would this nightmare cease to be?
The solid death-grip that holds tight
The strangest message that was never told right
The state of mind isn't parallel
The lines are unequal

Can you, will you speak to me, again?

The sun vanished out of your eyes
It spanned across a vast yet empty horizon
& these unknown trees & separated bones.
A controversy of these empty rows
The rules, the messages.
Don't forget your mind before nine.

Will you understand the book that I write?

It won't add up in your mind
It is impossible to subtract down the time
I've always ****** at math
I guess I'm no essay writer either
Oh well, **** it, **** it, **** everything, man.
& **** everyone!

I've just about ****** over and ****** everyone
Thirty-five plus all the others
That time has stolen from my mind
So much darkness surrounds my life.

I'll take that final step tonight. . .

Falling, falling, falling . . . down
Oh how sweet the sound
That my body makes
When it meets the ground
On the day that you brought me down
The nights that passed without a sound
Your life has been so unlike mine

Care-free

I can remember a time when I used to be
But that now has turned into a vague memory
You see, what I see
It is true beauty
I see beyond what others dream
You and I alone, together in peace
Could you believe in a thing like that?
Would you be able to keep me from turning back?

I don’t know
I don’t know, my dear

My sweet yet dark angel

Your heart fights it
But you know you want to see it
The questions you own
Are the answers that I hold on to
They are what I cling to at night
So go on pretending
That I’m not everything you want
I want your everything
Your anything, just do one thing my love
Speak to me with your eyes
Just give me a sign that it will be alright
Come breathe deeply with me tonight
                           &
   We can come down together.
                     Just right. . .

Are you sick?
Have you lived with this pain enough?
Do you enjoy my torture?
Can you feel my patience?
Have you loved before?
Does your soul scream?
Searching, leaving. . .

Do you want me back?
Could you live through the attack?
Lay down flat on your back
and let’s see. . .

Could you take me?
Place your hand there
Feel the hole opening
That once was my heart
No more, not here

Maybe it is you that could fill that part

But I won’t wait
I can’t. . .

My life won’t allow me to do such a thing

Will you ever see?
You can. . .

I’m outside of school
by the soggy banks
of an empty lake.

You seem curious. . .
Are you going to go there?
Backwards and forwards
Look at the message upside down
Does that make better sense?
Let me tell you about it?

The descriptive details of a red balloon
A consuming feeling of shiny latex
The words are all mixed up in your mind
Or in front of you, the mirror speaks

“. . .a human is a human is a human is a human is a human”

Did you forget your proposed, composed speech?
Keep you composure, turn our backs on yesterday
Forgive me when I speak; aloud

Forget me please
Allow me to drift off to sleep; on a cloud
                                                           ­      and die
For this once now, I can’t explain why
my words don’t make sense
For now I have become so aroused
with the idea or innocence of not knowing how
I write these mistakes out on this ******* page
that should be taking in other notes that might help me pass.

But I’m passing out on a passing star
So make your last wish on my crashing car.

We'll see who makes it very far. . .

Time still turning around the clock
Ever so violently, scream at me some more
You never bother to stop
Or even emboss the impossibility
Of the negativity that they desire
To keep on achieving
Brand new human stains on the rug
They constantly mean mug us
As shoulders pass and touch
Reaching arms and fingers to find
The unusual line inside my fragile mind
Suppose that there was such a meaning
Behind this page or sometime before today
The words – I just can’t seem to grasp
The beeping sentences come from the erasers dust
Taking you away from me, my love
Moon mail, no mail, no male figure form
Only the hollow, shadowy figures home
Repeating his emotions and sad tones
*******, ******* and more *******
Speak again . . . say the word again
A word, again will change him and then
It could change me from what I see
Or would it be my utter insanity?

I believe that if you know it
Then there is no need to prove it
It bleeds through your words
It shines when you curse

Aloud. . .

The faster I live, the faster I’ll die
To be forever freed from this wicked life. . .

Words spilled out
broken up
burned away
ashed out cash out
take the last wave out

our fragile intakes

complete the sentence
    the red fox. . .

words mean nothing
when your mind is closing
words mean nothing
when your not listening

I'm not listening
I have not been listening
have you been hearing this
or is the damage to your head
to severe
to severe
to severe

way more than you'll ever need my dear
is this a sign of the end

are we losing this?

words not spoken
they understand
nothing

It was the longest night of my life
I had finally reached the end of the waterfall
Long since dark, a few hours after nine
And there it was;
A shadow in the green, yellowy fog
Does my mind play tricks on me?
Most of the time, but not this time
I was certain of what I saw . . .

The first day after the attack
I left the bodies of my loved ones
Six feet underground
Behind the old shack

I took the boat down through the trees
Off the beaten path, down the hill
Into the world that would soon be
My own.
My home.

The wind was strange that day
There was a certain smell that hung about the air
Like a sweet and silent decay
A haunting thing to stop me there
The memory passed, I carry on

But the feeling remains . . .

It was a few skips down the river
Where the first house found me
Barely standing,
                           like everything else remaining . . .

Oh, how the fear crept up and down my spine
The sight was a sight unbelievable.
How could he have survived?
and dare to intrude on my life.
It was then up to me,
                         to lead him to the light.

     You think you could be a killer in the old world?
     Like say, you were watching some lame *** action movie
     With some gnarly assassin, or kung fu master
     Slaying everyone and everything, and then getting all the girls.
    
     Yeah I could see myself doing that . . .
     You have to know,
     You have to have killed in order to have made it this far,
     Are you okay with that?
     Does it help you sleep at night knowing that you've taken a life?
    
     You want to know something . . .
     It's alright with me
     I've been told from the voice below . . .
     The king downstairs
     Gave me eternal life
     A little vile from of all that is vile.

     **** this.
    
     Light brings salvation.

How could it be?
I could not imagine a way
The image of another lost soul
Hung up on the rotting wall
Her remains remained locked up so long
I took another hit. Headache blends
The memory passed, I carry on

But the feeling remains
For the next few days
I kept the image there on the wall
Until the fire started . . .

I decided to walk to the fire
As I reached the flames
There a figure appeared in the funeral pyre
"Hello!" I shouted . . .

Just then the fire deceased
Extinguished & cold.
Just as my heart was

But how could this be?
There was a fire!
I guess the smoke got to be too much
For their souls to live here now
I carry on, the memory passed
But the feeling remains . . .

That night the wind was colder than ever
I thought of her smile and wished she was here
The memory flashed and it was beautiful
I could see it all! Astral projection.
But the feeling remained; the feeling of fear.
I couldn't help but think of the evil I done.

How could I have done what I had done?

Awake.
What the **** happened last night?
Where am I? Where is my mind?
The room was destroyed and it smelled of the smell
The scent that loomed in the air on the first day
It's ******* freezing . . . My hands are ******* frozen
My eyes are solid shut shutters.
Where is my coat?

I thrashed around the house to see what I could feel
But the memory would not leave me still
Where did all this blood come from?

My God . . .


It's me . . .


A strange wave of euphoria swept over my body
I lost a piece of myself somewhere along the way
This I knew for certain.

Where was my coat?
The air that day was so cold
A bright light flashed and I knew
That I was in for it

The air around me had suddenly vanished
The sun that once hung in the sky
Had now vanquished

I have become comfortably numb

When would the feeling return?
The sweet memory had left my mind
But why?

Why could I not return?
When would the sun return?
When would her spirit return?

Could it be in death?
Or in a life not yet lived
The memory had left,
I cannot carry on
But the feeling somehow still remained

It was the longest night of my life
I had finally reached the end of the waterfall
Long since dark, a few hours after nine
And there it was;
A shadow in the green, yellowy fog
Of course my mind plays tricks on me
Most of the time, but not this time
I was certain of what I saw . . .

The outline of her ghost.

I just want to sleep
Sink forever into the eternal deep
The dark, the night
To be closed down for hours
In complete silence
In the mystical dark
Complete the goal
By not arising from this cave
Stay in and save the heat
Stay asleep and dream the dream

I just wish to die at night
                                          the dark
Consume my composure
Assume and surrender
to the underworld
to my changing ways

Quickly wander through these days,
that you have yet to get through.
Drown slowly in the nights,
That refuse to swallow you.

I just want to sleep
Sink forever into the eternal deep
Into the dark, out of the night
Living so dead yet alive

That is my only fight.

Things are not now as they have always been
People change when the times get strange
Could you have been there?
Still stolen - frozen in fear
Taken far back by the moment
Her silent violence broke my fall
His violent silence made me want to **** them all
Get the details of the life to be taken and then go missing
Take all of your remaining pills and drown in serenity
I found the only cure for fate . . .

Let go of everything
            and wait
  for love to take
          its final shape

The people
They move
They slide
So smooth
Behind the bar
Around the bar
Moving far
Out of bounds
Around the town

I like to watch people
Watch them as they move about the room
Completely consumed
With the feeling or sense
Of the full moon
Throw it all away
They are sweating it out
Bleeding it dry
Speaking too loud
To remember the next day
Or what was said despite
The rambling actions
Of my sorry head
The walking dead
That's what they are
Zombies!
Zombies?
******* there's no such thing
There is only misplaced actions
In interrupted scenes.

****** mess it is:
All of it;
All of you mother *******.

Summer clouds
Summer dreams
The nights, they seem
So eternal. Inferno
Burning like an American spirit
Natural birth out of your
closed mind
Fun guy, huh?
Find the life underneath
Black water like
These only open eyes of mine
Yesterdays gone.

And you are forgotten.

The words will start to flow
They will begin to conform more and more
Through the tissue and brain matter
That I have left
All scooped up into an ice cream mess.
I fell into your dying scream distress
Disaster, destroyed, dismiss
Everything that ****** you off
Scream out loud or continue to talk

Lay me down, tell me now
What it was you were asking.
You're such a mess
A wreck, an accident
Lie again
Lie to me so sweetly
Beside me, the key
The secret, the mistake in life
Yours not mine
My mistake not yours
Your life not mine

Come down and find me
Above you

Suddenly,
We were appearing
Out of the north
In the sky
Out of the dark
In between the scenes
Of night, in the city
Of bright lights
Out of nowhere
You appeared
Into the atmosphere
Like a spirit
Up above
In between
The sky
And the stars
The night
Out there
In the moment
The movement
Sky-lit drive
Into the moonlight drive
Into your heart that's mine
Disappear
Now into the mighty night

It never ceases to amaze me
The country and how it pleases everything
All of me!
Everything...
All of me!

I can't wait to tell you all about it
The stories, the lines, the borders
The counties of this country expand further than you can imagine
Or expect to order out of a Italian restaurant in the middle of the mountains.
The blondes run the show here
The accents explode before me
Oh what do you know?
So now that I'm so close,
I'm so far away
But I'm near my angel
With the smooth golden ways
Oh when I see her
I will show the world how wonderful it is to be loved by me...
You'll see
A few missed out but I'm okay with that
I missed out on a few
But I'm okay with that
Speak now or forever hold your peace
Silence speaks louder than your words, you'll see
So never hold your peace
Either shoot it out
& let it bleed
Or smile now
And live, be free
Look at me

I'm right beside you in your best time of darkness.

The sky may be grey today
Just blink your eyes and I’ll appear
In the lightening crack – boom!
There was a time when I almost lost my way
Would you believe me if I told you?
Could you lead me to the end?
My dear, shy eyes…

Let us not be the ones that fall
But instead the ones that go
& shine on like the star you wish to afar
Or the moon that you so carefully crafted;
In my eyes…

Whichever one you prefer my dear
Or the both of them; or neither.

How was that night after the spark?
Could you even speak a word?
Did my memory creep in through the dark?
Did it help you engrave me in yours?
The thought of another door open…

And what about your dream within a dream
Would you be able to describe it?
I will stand beside you
You’ll see the passing stars arise
Whenever you’re afraid to step out
Take my hand, take my hand
I’ll lead you to the end

Let your friends wonder
What a beast of a man
A real ******-up piece of art
Could you let it fade?

To one day, possibly go away

Has anything changed?
Or will this always stay the same?

Dark clouds hover over this dark house on the hill
Thoughts shroud around loosely in the curving winds
Hiding my heart from the beings that live inside them
Heartfelt messages left on a broken hallway table
A broken hearted man scrapes away down the sidewalks of doom
As the narrow marrow craving beasts file away slowly at his bones
And the women sit back and laugh about the sad sight of it all
So long Mr. Lonely Soul…

You’re now a lost soul that won’t leave my house
The screams that I hear in the night are yours, I know
I’d love to help you in your walk through my mind
But I just can’t ever seem to wake up in time
To save you from dreaming about me
Under your bed, I'll be in your head
Smoking with the skeletons in your closet
That you thought you hid so well.

I can tell you a simple story to ease the pain of the night
You can dream a sweet dream only to awake and find that it was never there
It is only the little things that you see during your lie, not life
The lives stretch through these seemingly pretty faces
And allow you to see into my mind
Scary thing, huh?

Simple words to these lyrics that will never be a song
I don’t want you to move on without knowing that I don’t care
Remember these eyes that will curse the very day
That I arrive face to face with the devil that you love
When I get to where I am going there will be no mind to mind
No time to find a real meaning behind the false meaning of life

No hurried, worried thoughts of mine

Upside down life

Get some ******* sleep tonight.

I want to try this
Explain something unspoken

Cymbal crash – and it’s over
Lover my dear, no more
Save the devil from speaking out
The *** is boiling over;
The competition between the martyrs
Who can die first?
Who will live last?

At last, I figured this out
Or did I?
Did I die for the sake of the conversation?
When you took me in,
                                     did I have a chance?
I fell into it,
                   I should have turned away.

You didn’t look away when you smiled
                for a split second
I saw the sun through the grey sky above

Tan skin: from your summer spent
Experiencing the ecstasy of your melody
What’s your name?
Today’s date
Or the time of day
What is your price to pay?

Wake and then bake
To the sounds of the earth
The clouds on my shirt
Reveal the places I’ve been
The haze in my eyes
The faces I have seen

Not scared anymore;
Living for

Sky fall for me
Press out the stealing springs, see?
Push/pull closing doors
The sky is coming down sooner or later
Help me find a way
As far as it goes
They aren’t concerned with me
Anymore

Walk with me now
I’m done with this door, for now.
The milky drops from heaven
Aren’t stopping me
From finding a cause
For this unsteady clause

Behind the walls
Their faces combine and align, and then fall.
To forget about the time
When I was important
Replaced artwork
Stolen face
Ripped from my memory
****…

I guess that’s the price I pay
For trying to find a way… to you
The days will roll on
& I’ll soon be gone

Dead or alive
We will never survive
Dead and gone
The year’s stager on

You’ll fade away

Walking in the cold
Just keep on flying
You will find the gold
Underneath the school
Ground to be found
Around the likely to be lost faces
I spoke too soon about the exit
Outside of the rainy doors
Save me lord
Push me into the path
Of a lonely soul
I’m a lonely soul
Smile for me
Lie to me
Die with me and see
The beauty
Beautiful words
Unfinished lives of mine
The mutual slump
Between our souls
In between the holes
That I’ve dug
While searching for the truth
and losing while trying to find you
Your golden hair
No more darkness there
Almost lost it here
And then you chopped up my heart
Put it in a blender and pressed start
and quietly said…

“Goodbye lonely soul.”

Totally useless
Infinite universe
Exploding before us
I am one
I am holy
I am yours
The one and only
Forever and glowing
So steady in stirring
The moving of your heart
Melting your spirit
Confusing what is real
Abusing all you feel
Lie to their faces
Sigh no more
Sink the places
That you have since forgotten
This is a place that I
Will not forget
The holy sighs and cries
During your pitiful lies
All because you set aside
The energy at rest

Hello there

Welcome back
Get this drink
Of A’s exile elixir

Go off to a distant land
Find a distant face


Nothing can be said
I did you wrong
You ****** me over
This is goodbye


......|……|XXXXXXX


Undress
Unleash the emptiness
I’m so glad that I brought this
This beautiful red safe
The keeper of
My ****** up mental state
About my mental state…
Don’t ask me about my holy stake
That I pierced into the heart
Of a special white vampire
One of those holier than thou types
One **** up
And then
Onto the next line
The next word that you speak
Might be a mistake
What do you think?
About me…
Do you think that you could
Stand on your own two feet?
With me,
Without me.
Alone like we are
I’ll crash the car
To flip our worlds around

Venture away today
Go away
Come as you were
Another day
But not today
You might be okay

I’m not okay…





Holy one
Grant me a kiss of happiness
You know I need it
I need her
Whoever she is
Wherever I am
Someway, somehow
I’ll find the day
To rewind the times
That I forgot about
Last night, this morning
Last year, good mourning
Thank you that this is over with. . .

Oh, sweet angel
Lie to me
Allow my words
To feed the hungry minds
of those that don’t listen
and only want my body.

What about what’s left of my spirit
Dragging down below

Sing to those that need
Lie to those that see nothing
Around no quarter
The moon found you
I found you
The numbers did add up
Just a little too soon

All too soon
I found you
I lost you
I’ll find you again

Forget about the end.

Spit it out
Say it please
I am begging you!
I want you.
I want you
To say it now!
Laugh out loud
Confuse yourself
From another window
Another opening away
Eyes on fire
Seek me out
Find me hiding
Scared of the magic
In your eyes
I love your mind
The slowest of kinds
But special like mine
Although my cards are all spent
I am still here and alive
Breathing, seeking, failing
Living in the wrong place
Always falling

You will learn the secret of life
God will grant you only one time
To make this night
The decision to make this right
Maybe I want you
You should think and then speak

Comet crashing--
Spilling my ashes into your dusty eyes

I loved you.

Here it is
One twenty in the morning
AM – Andy McElroy
Not tired yet, mind is racing
I had to leave that house
Energy is was too strange
Maybe it’s just me
Yeah most likely
Strange like me
Black like me
**** that book
**** this book too
This entry from hell
You’re from hell
I guess I’m going there too
****… We should’ve found a better reason
To fall through with the question
Of an unopened truth
Please try and explain these to the world
Let them see
The… the pure, uhm… insanity of this thing
This tortured mind that can barely write
A ******* poem if his mind depended on it
I’m glad that I don’t depend on them
Actually I lied, I do
They lead me to the lead gun
To shoot my clip out onto the town of hate
That I hate so much
Hate is a strong word
But I’m sick of them both
And them too
**** this ****
I think I’m through with this too

I love you.

Oh yes, it is here again--
Let it remain
Let it seethe in the night
Let me be inside
Complete my life
Let me continue to read your thoughts
Re-read the story of the world
The universe will unfold around you
So let it,
Let it be!
So entirely complete
I wonder if I will ever see the light again
I am not all that worried about the thought
Shouldn’t be
Although;
You wonder,
When will I come back?
When will I come down?
I don’t think I can
It’s not possible to burn out
If you were never on fire
When were you ever burning?
Burning to live like the fireworks
You so cleverly crafted,
In the womb of the American dream.

Go to sleep.
No. No. No.

There are so many styles
Behind the many treasons
Inside the miles
Beside the aching reasons
That you’ve sold to me.

Find solid ground outside of town
Outside of your mind
Your third eye is closed
Open it up and begin to live
Like tomorrow is today
And yesterday
We will be okay
All of their faces there
were lost inside
My mind likes to keep things to itself
Away from me
You’ve been away from me
Are you still the same?
Or am I the only one who has changed
I hope my face will stay the same
and my eyes still stay covered with lame excuses

Of

Why I can’t see you again tonight
So, I’m gone…
I’ve gone away
I’m a ghost in your mind
Your third eye is closed
So open it up
and reveal the truth inside
the true terrors collide
with your best dreams
and colours aren’t what you see
But ninety shades of grey hidden in between
Your memory of what has been ****** since
They tore your heart out
and ate you from behind the seams
Behind the scenes of my worst day
You were there in my head
You’re gone
You’ve gone away
Follow the reaper to the cellar
Hear my voice call out

I’m going away now
Too late to say everything
Now
You say…

I’m gone
I have gone away
Try and figure me out
Now…

I'm getting this **** down
Because it’s my last night in town
You could make a man want to leave everything
I have left everything
I came back in to see what smile you had on your face
When I heard the door slam
I knew it was over
Right when I walked out
I had a new lover
Her name was freedom
And I was a fighter
I broke down that wall
And built one higher
That is where I am now
I'm a ******* freedom writer
I have been under your stars
I remember seeing you fall
I believe, you brought me back home
When everyone was too ****** up to drive
We had nothing left to do
But live or die
The decision was lingering in the air
I didn't care, You weren't there
I'm sorry we had to meet under these conditions
Just wait up for me tonight
I promise I'll be there
Right when your eyes lower and you sink off
Into a great unknown
I'm there with you.