4.
I remembered the world
For what it seemed
For what it was.
I just remembered being.
And I remembered everything.
From holding my mom’s shivering hands
To watching my grandma descend from this world
From the sun rays that shined upon the beach
To the moon that cowered behind the buildings.
It all seemed like a distant dream
A dream worth seeing

6.
The loss of our home
A simple one story with three bedrooms and one bathroom,
A simple home in a simple neighborhood.
Gone,
In an instant.
Welcome to the apartment story
Population: The Diaz.
With only one friend made
I wonder how much of my sixth year of living do I remember.
That I can ever recall

7.
Packed bags
Packed moving truck.
Off to the North for this So Cal Babe
Because maybe just maybe my mom doesn’t have a pathetic excuse for a family
Maybe they’ll come to see her.
Or maybe we’ll be ignored
****** like **** that doesn’t belong in a sea of flowers
****** like sailors out in horrendous weathers.
How is it that my mother was the only golden child out of these coal filled children?

8.
A new life
A new home
Can’t believe I made any friends
Can’t believe I still hold onto one.
Can’t believe I fell for the other one.

11.
From apartments to townhouses
Just down the street
Further and further away from him
A start of a whole new chapter
I furthered myself from religion
Furthered myself from faith
I just kept on living on
Didn’t think too much of anything

14.
A new chapter starts again
While everyone moves on from childish games
Playing in the big league
While getting lost in the High School hallways
I remained true to myself
True to the inner me
I had forgotten what it was like to be an embarrassment
Forgotten what it was like to not be me.
I continued my childish acts
And continued on this path I set for myself
I looked towards writing
Connected with the dead.
I found my passion in words
And my words in worlds
And even my worlds in dreams
I no longer knew what everything seemed to be.

16.
I dreamt of him
Dreamt of us
I fell in love with those dreams
Fell in love with him
Or perhaps I’m just low balling it
And just stuck with the whole dream thing
Stuck with the whole dreaming someone means they were always thinking of you
Because perhaps I wanted to believe deep down inside his mind
He always had thoughts of me


17.
Graduated with no honors
Don’t know where life will take me
Don’t know what to do
All I know is
My pathetic thoughts, imagination, and stupidity let someone else take him away
I lost sight of where I wanted to be
Lost sight of he who belonged in my dreams
Reality took over me
And dreaming was the only thing that let me be.

18.
Still alive but I’m barely breathing
Still alive but I’m losing grip on everything
Still trying to survive
Still trying to go on
I’m just aging day by day
While I watch the leaves float on by
I watch the parts of my life flutter away.
I want to start over again
I want to wake up when I was 4
Restart life all over again
With the knowledge that had been
I want to change what I’ve done
Re mold myself to a better person
But wishes don’t happen like that
Got to work with what I have
And mold a better tomorrow
From the crummier today’s.
But on the bright side,*
With too much philosophy on my mind
Sometimes
I’m kind of excited where my life will be.

One
What’s your ethnicity, or your race?
Are you
Mexican, Filipino, Hawaiian, Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese, Alaskan, English, Irish, Polish, Scottish, British, Brazilian, Cuban, Spaniard, Australian, Canadian, or Jamaican?
Are you something I have not listed?
Are you a combination of multiple ethnicities?
Do you not know who you are?
Still not sure what you identify with?
Or do you not consider your ethnic culture?
Do you prefer to leave behind your roots, only sticking to one true race?
Is your race
Human, Robotic, Alien, Animalia, Plante, Fungi, Bacteria, Futuristic, Untamed, Unreal, Tideborn, Winged-Elf, Elf, Earthbound, Soul, Ghost, Zombie, Magician, Wizard, Troll, Vampire, Dragon, Unicorn, Werewolf, Mysterious, or even too epic to be identified?
Though, this question itself shouldn’t really matter
For, I do not care what the color of your skin,
The identification of where your ancestors have been
Or even who you were then
I’d treat you the same

Two,
What’s the weather like in your mind?
Is it cloudy and unsafe?
Can you bear to let another thought fill up the cloud in your mind?
Or are you still intertwined,
With the thoughts you’ve let yourself get so lost in?
Is it filled with happiness, sunshines and rainbows?
Are bunnies hopping around a sea of flowers?
Can you see the sunset in the horizon and are you capable of clearing away the sad blue skies
Is it safe for me to live in there?
Because, I want to be your thoughts,
I want to show you the sun
So,
Would you mind me living in your mind?

Three,
Are you lost?
Do you wander?
Because being lost is recreation
When we continue to lose ourselves
We tend to recreate the person we are.
We tend to go near and far
We are lost wanderers in this world we call home
So if you’re lost in your thoughts,
And if you’re lost in your world
Let me guide you to a recreation of yourself
And maybe you’ll love being lost as much as I do.

Four,
What’s your world like?
Is it like the world we live on?
The world we take shelter upon?
Is it filled with misery and mayhem?
Or is it filled with peace and tranquility?

Five,
What do you see?
Can you see the darkness that surrounds our hearts?
Can you use it to strengthen the reason to basket in the light?
Do you see the destruction humanity hath brought upon the world?
Can you see it?
Or are you too blind to realize that tranquility and peace no longer exist?
That those are just delusions your mind hath made up.
That the word of the Lord has been bent and now is broken by the people you rented your beliefs to.
That the world is now in turmoil,
And soon,
Oh so soon
It’ll be destroyed by the greed you were to blind to stop

Six,
Do you regret something?
An action you have committed,
An action you have done.
Did you let all the chances slip away?
Did you let her get away?
Because I have done that
So many times I’ve stopped counting.
For if I had kept track
It would have filled up a novel entitled How to Lose Someone (and How to Repeat it)
And so many times,
I have wished I could take it all back.

Seven,
How many wished did you make?
And how many of those wishes came true?
How many falling stars, 11:11’s, eyelashes, and fountains did it take to get it through your mind that wishes don’t come true?
That without a little bit of effort,
Wishes are just meaningless words you’ve wasted your breath on.
Because for every wish I made
Reality slapped me in the back of the head,
And told me it wasn’t going to be true.

Eight,
Have you fallen in and out of love?
Did you regret falling in love in order to fall out of it again?
Did you count the ways you can tell your lover how much you loved them?
Or did you cower in the corner?
Too afraid of something, like rejection, that never existed.
Did you misplace you love?
Are you single but your heart belongs to another?
Someone in which you cannot have?
Isn’t that just how the love life works for the wicked?
We love so much
And our hearts give away,
Yet no one is there to give us theirs
So we end up the heartless
Or even the broken hearted.

Nine,
Have you cried yourself to sleep at night?
Allowing the tears to rock you to sleep
The gentle sirens of the sorrow really do know how to sing a saddened lullaby
And sometimes,
You do not awaken feeling happy,
You may just feel even more ******
But the days you fall asleep with tears in your eyes
You may find that the day has only begun
When the morning sun
Shines on

Ten,
Would you like to tell me a story?
For I have already told you mine
I would like to hear yours.

I am of human race with ethnic culture of the Philippines and Mexico
The weather in my mind is a bit bi-polar but I believe it’s a liveable one.
The world I live in causes me to get lost that I believe I’m just a wanderer
What I see are my regrets
And boy do I have a lot
I’ve made so many wishes that I have lost any hope in having it come true
And dear sir,
I believe that it is true
That falling in love, I continued to fall out of.
But I’ve lived my life like this that I do not know how to get out of it.
I’ve cried myself to sleep at night
But mostly tears awakened me.
Sunshines have come and gone
But I still a wait for the morning sun
So will you tell me a story?
Start with the beginning and end to some where
I just want to know
How much our lives can click into one.

Hi, I’m lost.
Can you find me?
I don’t know where I’ve been
And I don’t know what just happened.
But can you direct me where to go.
I’m just lost and
Did you see that squirrel that just passed on by?
It’s tail was so fluffy and it looked like a troubled one.
And
I don’t know where I’m going with this but,
I’m just lost

And if you ask me why it is so,
Then I will tell you I don’t know.
I’m just lost.
And I need to find myself again.
And when the rain falls from the sky,
Is it’s destiny just to land on the ground?
Or will it land on trees
And pass on from leaf to leaf?
Will it go into the mouth of some poor animal
And quench what ever thirst it my or may not have?

And if you ask me why I ask these things
Well it is because…
I
I don’t know.  
And if you ask me who I am
Then I wouldn’t know how to answer you
Because I don’t even know
And if I even were to give an answer
Then I would just go off on philosophical rants
And look out to nature and
Just go off on whatever is going on like
The wind.
How freely it runs.
Roaring through trees and trees,
And spreading leaves all over the ground
How it must be
To feel free
To be the wind.
Going where ever you please and
Just getting lost and knowing where to go.
And maybe I am the wind..

But no,
I am lost.
And I don’t know where to go.
And as I continue to whine about how lost I am.
I continue to question why do I want to be found?
If you were to ask me who I am,
Then I would answer that with a name
Because I am lost.
And frankly, I don’t want to be found.

I am not lost in the physical sense where I can look at a reflection of myself
And see how ugly I am.
No.
I am lost in a mental sense where I don’t know where I’ve been
And I don’t know where I am .
But isn’t that great?
Because that’s what life is really about.
Not knowing where you are.
And not knowing where you’ve been.
Continuously losing yourself.
Not to be found.

Because when you find yourself
You find yourself in a herd
You identify with the same things as everyone else does
You become inauthentic and you lose your true self
And you succumb to the herd,
Following a mindless leader because maybe their ideals are right
Turning your backs on the ones who stand out
The ones who are different
Because when you find yourself in a herd
You find yourself in a miserable world.
Because you don’t know if your dreaming or if your awake
And you’re just looking for answers that no one will take.

And if I were to find myself,
I would find myself with no heart because
“I may be single, but my heart is taken by someone I can’t call my own.”
And it’s only because I found myself a person who accepts rejections before it even happens.
So excuse me while I lose myself
Because I don’t want to identify myself as girl who knows what it feels like to lose to that.
And excuse me while I lose myself
“Because I took the road left traveled by”
And even though it made all the difference
I am still a black sheep in this herd.
So as I lose myself,
I shouldn’t ask anyone to find me because

Hi, my name is Lost.
And even though I will continuously ask someone to find me
And even though I will continuously whine about trying to be found
I would rather be lost
Because even though I’m spewing a bunch of **** I learned from philosophy lectures and what I’ve read on Tumblr
I started to think this clicks and makes a lot of sense
Because no matter how many times people say
“Life starts once you’ve finished college.”
“Everything clicks in at this certain age with this certain job and this certain income and this certain life.”
It doesn’t.
And the “sooner you figure it out, the better off you’ll be.”
The sooner you learn life starts at this certain minute and ends at the other.
You will be better off.

So don’t tell me I’m wrong
Because at the ages from 0 - 5,
You started life,
Trying to figure out what everything is
From the ages of 6 - 12
You begin to figure out how everything clicks in
And you start freaking out
Because from the ages of 13 - 17
You’re caught at the stage where “You’re too young to do this but you’re to old to do that.”
And from the ages of 18 - so on
You finally figured out how much ****** you were when you found yourself in the crowd.
So excuse me while I get lost.

Because
Hi, I’m lost.
And I’m not physically lost in the sense where when I look into a reflection of myself.
I see what beautiful thing I created and
If I were to duplicate myself,
You have no idea how hard I would go out with myself.
No.
I’m lost in the mental sense where I don’t know where I am
And I don’t know where I've been.
So excuse me while I continue to be lost.
Recreating myself day in and day out.
Because that’s how authentic I’ll be.
And I will do that for an eternity and

Hi, I’m lost.

I wake up in a cold sweat in the midst of the night
So terrified to figure out whats real
What's fake.
I looked for you , 
Searched for the comfort of your arms
Because you always scared the bad guys away.
You always said,
"Don't worry, babe.
It's nothing but a dream."
So why does it seem,
When I went to find you,
All I found were empty promises.

Do you remember when I was just a child?
When you used to hold me tight,
To make all the scary thoughts disappear.
Because you used to say that it's only a dream
So when did the dreams start to realize themselves?
When did dreams surface into the reality of things?
Its not like wishing upon useless stars
Asking for all of your dreams to come true,
Because sometimes 
Just sometimes those dreams are horrid nightmares,
Nightmares that mask themselves and hide in human form.

Dear mother,
Where are you?
Im searching for the empty promises of you,
Hoping to find that you're still here,
Still here to hold me tight and make all of those creatures disappear 

Dear mother,
Where are you?
Do you still love me and are you even here?
Staring at your cold eyes every time you fake a smile or a laugh.
Where did our mother-child relationship go?

Dear mother,
Have I disappointed you?
Have I forsaken this unbreakable bond because I am not the child you wanted,
Or raised?
Have I strayed too far away from the path you set for me?
Or did you delute yourself to the fantasized images you had of me?
Carrying it far into the grave.
I'm sorry for the child I turned out to be.
But I thought mothers were supposed to carry unconditional love for the child
So when did it start to become a condition?
When did the love turn sour and whisk away into the wind

Dear mother,
Do you love me?

Dear mother,
Why aren't you here?

Dear mother,
Where have you gone?
The beasts were supposed to disappear but you went away with them

Dear mother, 
Where are you?
I miss you,
Where have you gone?
And do you still love me?

Dear mother,
I woke up in a cold sweet in the midst of the night
I cried out for your name
I wanted to be held tight by your open arms
And wanted to be told all those creatures would disappear.
So
Why did you turn into one of them?
Why did I come to find
The empty promises and your nurtured lies?

Simple questions deserve simple answers.
For that is the way life runs,
The simpleness of a subject is complemented by something much more simpler.
So why is it, 
When this question surfaces in the minds of every writer,
There is nothing simple to it.

The reason for writing is as simple as it can be.
It is like painting on a canvas board,
For every stroke of the paintbrush is a stroke of words
Painting vivid images in the minds of every boy and girl.
We as writers are giving life to the lifeless lines of paper.
For even when it's blank,
There is still an image painted through words.

The greatest invention mankind could ever think of is words.
For without them, 
Nothing could ever exist.
Without the simpleness of screaming out how blue the sky is 
Or how soft those clouds look,
Or even how beautiful a starry night sky can be,
How can we
Ever appreciate the beauty writers create on canvas boards.
For every written word on a blank sheet of paper,
Is a stroke of paint,
Creating magnificence inside a dull mind

My good sir,
When asking a writer their reason for writing should be as simple as this
But
If its too complex for your mind to comprehend,
Then, let me simplify it further.
When you ask an artist their reason for creating art,
You are merely asking their reason for existing
Asking why they are  deluding themselves on such strange fantasies
But you have yet to realize the true nature of us artists
We find many ways to escape harsh realities 
Creating picture perfect paradises
Or even amplifying how gruesome society can be. 

The reason for writing should be as simple as this.
For the simpleness of a subject should be complemented with something much more simpler.
But if it's too complex for you,
The reason why writers write is as simple as this,
Writers are artists and therefore write to create art,
Like taking a single paintbrush and painting on a canvas board
We as writers take a single pencil and write on blank sheets of paper.

And as fairy tales go,
This one was the best

The Story of a silly-dark-brown haired girl
Who never strayed too far away from strange.
And of a short-light-brown haired boy
Who was nothing but strange.  
A pair of star-crossed strangers
Who never realized how strange they were

And as far was fairy tales go,
This one made no sense,

You see the silly girl and the strange boy looked everywhere for someone as strange as they were
They looked everywhere for the person at the end of the red string
But whenever they saw each other,
Deny
   Deny
      Deny
Blinded by their strange ways,
They looked pass one another
And didn’t stop to find each other.

And as far as fairy tales go
This one has no end.

An infinite loop of separations,
         And meetings
Denying everything in between.
They may go on to their separate ways
And meet once again,

But as far as fairy tales go,
This one was the best…

Because there are infinite chances to always meet,
And someday soon,
Their fates will intertwine,
Together forever,
           Is the best ending line.