don't take offense
if none was intended.
don't take offense.
let your feelings bend.
don't show defense.
let the issue end.
if you have anger.
no one has to know.
emotions create danger.
please let it go.
if no one else can cure it
don't let it show.
harsh feelings infect and spread
so no one needs to know.

she said this, he said that
tie my hands be hind my back
because  he asks, is he wrong?
and she, she asks what's his song?  
are they friends?
not for long.
neither speaking
but they know
cause' my little lips keep leaking.
i had never joined a side
and now im just reciting lines.
furthering the flames
heightening the blows
maybe best they speak alone
former friend to foe.

how can i entice any emotion
to give me hope in my devotion
because my love is like an ocean
and i pull at your fingers
and tug on your toes
but do you want to swim?
god only knows.
you said when at the beach
you must swim
so if my love is like the ocean
why haven't  you ran in?
i thought by now
you'd have let me win.

inside of me
there lives a quiet secret
it could hold the promise of joy
the love of live, it could be my future
but that secret is behind a fortress
which i will not breach
it is wrapped up tight with reasons
which tell me why i should'nt reach
for my  open, honest, life filled soul
which im scared my secret could easily teach
me the answer of who am i beneath all my roles.

baby when i see your eyes
and theyre gold and look like spring
baby when i see your eyes
and theyre smiling at me
baby you are beautiful
so much that i cant speak
i cant even find the words to tell you
how breathless your glances leave me
i have a deep need
to tell you what you mean to me
baby you're my spring.

Shoulda known
Shoulda expected
the moment I asked for help
(Im better off alone)
That the minor inconvenience and the minor expectation
(its better if im alone)
Would have been too much for them to manage
(its better if im alone)
For me.
Cant do anything, for me.

You really thought they cared?
No, you really thought they cared?
Whatever made you think that they ever really cared?
Theyve only ever pitied you
Put you in a box, insisted you were stupid despite your intelligent thoughts.
I struggled. I fought. And I have over come.
But yet I still cant manage to find someone who thinks im worth their time
Dissapointed disregarded disheartened
Heart broken
Theyve got me Jaded
Not caring about the danger
tryin to be faded
A little full of anger
A little tired of this hatred
And I've got a little wager
I could convince you right here right now
That no one in my life
knows my life
-knows who I really am
Knows how hard I've had to fight
Against the broken dreams inside
Against the anxiety, depression and autism.
All convincing them im just a waste of life.
And now my life has been spent with
People disrespecting Me
people dissapointing me
People always hurting me
Making me feel
Making me know
That im always
*******
better
off
alone

I think I regret more than I breathe
And i make my eyes stay wide
but then i can't see
And my throat aches so I sing
And Im lonely
And just plain tired
of being me

you've become my habit.
my searching glances for your face
strain for any emotional trace
there's now a sinking in my chest
where my heart used to flutter
i really think it would be best
if we put this love to rest.

i've ripped and torn my knees for you,
and pulled down all these stars
i've sung until the day was through
and ive fought so many wars

i have clung to your smile
and ive  grabbed for your hand
ive hoped i was good enough
though it felt like grasping sand

you enjoyed my effort
for a day or two
but i clung to harshly
and soon
we were through

this poem has been deleted

how could you say i didnt try?
when i was drowning in my own words
trying to get through to you.
and you could have choked on all the words
that you kept inside.

money spent doesnt equal love won.
not to me at least-
i never felt like you loved me
existing doesnt mean you tried
i wanted to see your heart,
i wanted to hear your true feelings
because god, i was pouring mine out to you.
ripping out my heart to you.

how could you ignore me
when my heart was breaking?
how could you ignore me
if you actually loved me?  

despite what you say
your actions tell me the truth
you never loved me-

-and now youre done pretending to-

i keep a song in my pocket
and a smile in my eyes
and i fight every week
just to stay alive
I run. and i run.
to catch my breath.
to feel my heart like a bird in my chest.
i need fresh air!
to keep me alive.
i plan to live! not just to survive.
i need to sing,
the melody i hear
falling through my thoughts
like tears
and i feel, and i breathe
and i live, and i sing
and i will enjoy
every hour
of this fragile life i lead.

such happiness i feel!
teeth from ear to ear!
IM READY FOR TODAY.
and whatever it shall bring.

i really wish today to be
the best in all eternity.

the worst part
is when i have the dream
where i find you in a crowd
and you weren't expecting me
but you turn and instantly
start kissing me.
so naturally you instantly
just hold me and love me
and im safe in your arms
im yours again
it feels so wonderful,
this dream feels real
but it hits like a hammer
when i lie in my bed awake
and know
that ill never have you again.
that you'll never love me again.

theres all these things i want
that you say that youll do
though you never plan on actually coming through
i let you raise my hopes
and look forwards to you all day
i cant wait
i cant wait
i cant wait

and then you never respond
never show up
never let me know that again you've driven home
you break my heart and i let you.
you break promises and i let you .
im dumb enough to still hope that you'll keep them

boy imma take these silver linings
from the storms that you keep giving me
im gonna grow, im gonna learn
and someday im gonna get away
im gonna keep improving
getting better every day

you boy,
you're a learning experience
teaching me never to trust
and never to believe
that things will never happen like they do in my dreams

you keep teaching me
not to put my happiness in other peoples hands
not to hope for anything that i cant guarantee
and never
to never
expect the wrong people to love me.

selfish people
who only take the effort that you exert
in hopes that they'll catch the fever
and love you  like you deserve

they dont even know
how little they try
they think a drop of water
is worth an ocean
but not to my eyes,

when every drop that falls from them
is so much more

we are oceans full of love
and we cannot let ourselves run dry
over someone who we wish could love.

do not cry
and please
no longer try
to please those
who poison your mind.

this is a girl
with a steel spine
whose been hurt too many times
this is a girl
whose let too many people treat her wrong
and who wont stand for it any longer.
this is a girl who will not put her happiness in other peoples hands, no one is allowed to make her unhappy.
this is a girl.. who can cut someone off
and acted like they never even existed
and i am the girl who has.

About every third sentence I say to you I regret.
There are little words with harsher truths
than I ever should let you hear from me
Because I aim to be the home you run to
When your tender emotions are burning you alive like acid
And whenever your thoughts feel like a trap.
you are my angel. You are where my heart lives.
I die a little everytime I hurt you with my words.

Love cant cure depression,
though god knows ive tried.
ive searched everyplace for cures
i would even rip out my breaking heart and die,
if it could brighten your unhappy soul-less eyes.
It hurts so much that theres no stopping your pain,
But you will never see me cry-
I feel so selfish everytime I try.
You are tortured by the tides of your own emotions,
Ripped apart by your turbulent mind.
Everyone asks me if youre ok
but i just strain to hear the words you say.
im so self destructively in love with you.
As you teach me depression
theres nothing I can do
but stay and ache
and try my best to fix you.

i try and i try but i cannot sleep
when i close my eyes i can only weep