a: Poems

Oct 29 · 20

help

a Oct 29

help

I hurt my own feelings
Making up thoughts of you
I hold my breath
As my heart pounds in my chest
I scroll through images
Until I want to throw up
I make up stories
Creating my own pain

Oct 28 · 169

confusion

a Oct 28

confusion

I miss you.
I forget about you.
I strive to let you go.
I feel guilty to move on.
I crave you.
I remember we ended.
I tell myself it’s over for good.
I want to stay hopeful.
I know you don’t like me.
I am not truly sure.
I want to text you.
I wait for you to reach out.
I no longer want to feel this way.
I still feel the pain.

Oct 28 · 30

to be continued

a Oct 28

to be continued

lonely yet grateful
fear yet excited
broken hearted yet open minded
longing yet present

Oct 17 · 162

6:54pm

a Oct 17

6:54pm

the heart escapes when it finally realizes what it truly wants

Oct 12 · 20

Untitled

a Oct 12

Untitled

rose are red
violets are blue
forget the little things
that he used to do

Oct 12 · 22

Untitled

a Oct 12

Untitled

he does not like you.
he does not like you.
he does.. not.. like you.
he.. does.. not like.. you.
he does not like you.

& it’s okay.

Oct 11 · 41

just maybe

a Oct 11

just maybe

maybe if I just keep turning you into words
the feelings will fade away -
maybe if I just keep writing it all down
I’ll be able to turn the page -

Oct 11 · 39

7:19am

a Oct 11

7:19am

morning
laying in bed
unable to move
trying to find the words
to let go of you
thought I was there
oh such a fool
what I need now
is the greatest of tools
a source with no end
a well that never stops
a joy that protects from light and dark
He who never sleeps
He who never slumbers
He who is always there watching over us
He can help me let go of you
remember the greatness beyond us two

Sep 13 · 36

bittersweet

a Sep 13

bittersweet

Bittersweet
The taste on my tongue
The heaviness of the chocolate
With a tartness that longs
This is what it feels like
To really let you go.

Sep 10 · 1.0k

a poet never forgets

a Sep 10

a poet never forgets

these moments to be forever remembered in the words on the page.
love shown to be deserving of a story written to life.
respect to be carried in any future memories.

Sep 10 · 45

8:16pm

a Sep 10

8:16pm

Realizing I care for you so much to know it wouldn’t work.
Care for you so much to recognize you deserve a leader.
Appreciating you so much, I’ll always learn from this.
Respecting you so much, I won’t try again.
Loving God so much, I know it’s all in his plan.
Guarding my heart, to know it’s time to let go.
Thank you for your time. Thank you for the talks and thank you for the memories. I pray for you frequently.
Thank you for reminding me of my love for God.

Sep 10 · 45

Letting God

a Sep 10

Letting God

Surrendering you is hard.
Yet it feels so right.
We tried it and it wasn’t meant to be,
turned to destruction and before the storm could pour down we got the umbrellas and went inside.
Turned our different ways.
It’s okay.
You planted a seed in me, you may never see it harvest.
You lifted the bar, and it shall continue growing.
Helped me find back the light and reminded me of His warmth.
We made mistakes, both know.
Wise enough to see it couldn’t keep going.
Only God knows what God wants.
I trust in His plan.
Letting go.
Letting God.
Surrendering you is hard but holding onto to you is harder.

Jul 2 · 47

11:30pm

a Jul 2

11:30pm

she pushes herself then falls back into the depth of patterns and bruises. she fights to stand up but sometimes it feels easier to stay laying down. pondering to herself is someone holding her down or is it simply her choice?
begging anyone to give her the strength to keep fighting.

Dec 2023 · 257

forest

a Dec 2023

forest

strong trees looking down.
standing tall space is crowded.
eyes are everywhere.

my first try at a haiku
I can't get the lines to stack up in 3 rows :/

#haiku

Dec 2023 · 190

6:35pm

a Dec 2023

6:35pm

---I see the light I grew up with the light that would love and protect me. I'm scared I was just looking at memories and now it's just dark.

---who knows though

Dec 2023 · 112

6:33pm

a Dec 2023

6:33pm

---You're preaching the Bible, yet spreading hate

---Make it make sense.

Dec 2023 · 83

alone

a Dec 2023

alone

this feeling crashes over my whole body
cannot speak it outloud
filled with broken static of humiliation
my ex would appreciate it
darkest of nightmares
swimming through the middle of sea
with nobody to turn to
it's just me
i swam too far
now alone in solitude
trapped in this navy blue storm
tears fall and water rises
waves crashing from left and right
drowning in this ocean
seagulls are chirping
whales are singing their song
hoping to be like pinochocio
but nobodys here
must swim back
or sink

Nov 2023 · 105

this girl

a Nov 2023

this girl

Once upon time lived a girl in her cozy green sweater with her own yeast tea known as beer, she pondered along the road until she came upon this small brewery.
This little young lady often wondered what it would be like to **** herself. As if it was falling asleep in a bed of lavender flowers.
She shakes the thought off though, as many times as she laughs about it a day.
She has forgotten all the loves of yesterday, the joy it is to push forward. She wishes for a knight to come sweep her off of her feet on a white horse with golden roses. Yet when they come she cannot be bothered.
This girl sits at the brewery with her very own tea, watching some silly show on the TV. She romanticizes around and asks herself how can she move on with out a white knight?

Oct 2023 · 363

shadows

a Oct 2023

shadows

ever been this dark
steymeid, stale, stumped
longest of time now
impossible to get out
carrying on my shoulders
pressing on my back
i cannot breathe.
i cannot move.
i am heavy.
weight.
needs.
to be.
Released.

Oct 2023 · 119

QOTD

a Oct 2023

QOTD

"If you weren't an *******, you would be full of ****"

Oct 2023 · 391

6:29am

a Oct 2023

6:29am

Tiktok.
---a place where people want to post videos to encourage others.
---a place where others don't relate to the video so shame the rest.
---a place where I just wanted to hear someone like me.
---a place where I had to read everyone hate on someone like me.
---a place where even if you know this video isn't for you, you must comment and let the world know this video isn't for you.
---a place where I can connect.
---a place where connecting is "shoving down your throat"?

To be continued.

Oct 2023 · 117

3:36am

a Oct 2023

3:36am

3am thoughts are the worst.
---first I start to feen for smoke... it's not even good for me.
---then I crave for the love we had.. you don't even think about me.

---its either one or the other..
---these are the hours.. the monster starts to come for me.

Oct 2023 · 82

The Stop Sign.

a Oct 2023

The Stop Sign.

I didn't fully stop.
I should've waited. Correct.
I realized though and even went slow.
No accident was done.
Both cars were at a standstill.
I just kept inching instead of a complete stop.
Two snails moving, one more of a caterpillar.
Indeed it was my fault. But...
You RODE up on me and threaten to hit me.
You could have. In your 6ft black jeep.
Drive right over me like a toy car in your monster truck.
I pulled to the side and let you go because you are in a hurry.
You screamed and I apologize politely.
You screamed. screamed and screamed. Face as red as my nails.
I didn't think this situation caused for that much anger.
This was nowhere near an accident.
I do realize I should have stopped longer.
Now I hear your screams in my head and threats to my life. You are angry at something greater than me.
That was rage at its finest.
I apologize. I pray. You are okay.
I pray. I am okay.
****.

Oct 2023 · 615

Addiction

a Oct 2023

Addiction

The drug that never stops.
All day feening.
Till the last second.
Every last drop.
I dream about it.
Wish for it.
Crave it.
This.
Drug.
That.
Never.
Stops.

Oct 2023 · 201

In a minute

a Oct 2023

In a minute

Everything can change in one minute.
One night we're having dinner in the family home.
Next we move back in with abuela.
One second it's laughter joy gifts for the kids...
Next it's fear, tears, and time spent together.
They worked so hard to get here... to raise us.
I'm ashamed to say I am still confused. I don't want you to feel like I'm ungrateful.
I'm just confused. You raised me to think I can do anything if I take my time and figure it out.
I don't have time.
You just have to do.
Everything can change in one minute.

Oct 2023 · 159

I wish you lived longer, till then i live on in spaces you did

a Oct 2023

I wish you lived longer, till then i live on in spaces you did

Floating in the air is the delicious smell of alcapurrias, pastelios, morcilla... home, laughter, long nights...
Echos of different radios playing Willie Colon, Celia Cruz, Marc Anthony... which fiesta you tryna go to.
Viejitos sit together, reflect on how long its been, how the neighborhood is changing.. while playing dominoes by the trucks.
It's funny to hear them yelling over eachother, always a game of who's louder.
Never tell them "you're yelling!" tho , because "no mama THIS IS HOW I TALK".
You don't just walk down the streets. You dance. To the rhythm. Hips start to sway. Bachata takes over and you're dancing with 3 others. 1..2..3..hip 1..2..3.. hip
"MY PUERTO RICAN QUEEN. If you can dance infront of everyone you can anything in this world. Never stop dancing."
I love them. Feels safe here. It's home.
The machismo never phased me. It lifted me up.
Faded memories of climbing the rusted bleachers, always daring to catch up with the boys of the block. taking breaks for my cherry piragua. Memories hold me warm as a blanket. Carrying with me never forgetting.

The closest thing to remembering you.
Laughter strikes cause it was so long ago. I was so young, yet I miss the opportunity I could've had. Wish we had a chance. MY viejo. My abuelo. The prettiest princess in the land. The real Cinderella. (Only he would know my favorite memory on Halloween)

Jun 2023 · 100

a form of sense

a Jun 2023

a form of sense

If I can write a self love letter to myself what would I say?
What would I say?

The person who randomly cries at the push of the button. The woman so insecure the slightest thoughts of anyone or pressure or ideas drives her insane.
The entire world fears her.
She stays frozen scared.
Sometimes steps outside w the help of tequila...
Used to be whiskey. I miss the whiskey days.
Wine is a always. Beer on most.

We even went crazy and chugged malort for a week. This woman? This BOLD crazy hell of a time.. scared?
It's the liqour that helps. Helps her feel normal. You can always blame the liq.
With out shes lost looking for a sense of direction constantly listening to noises which none need to be heard.
Taking it in becoming it. Not knowing what sticks and what slips.
She is the wind blowing across the roof onto the top of the trees.
She's the bunny skipping from yard to yard.
She's the one crying all alone in the room. Sits there and bawls. All day long.

Sep 2022 · 129

The Art Cafe

a Sep 2022

The Art Cafe

When surrounded by artists you'll see a vary of characters...

the ones that cannot stand still
dance to every beat in the music
as if no one sees

the fashionista who may I say needs everything her way
she may cause you a headache
but if you fit her vibe
she's the sweetest of them all

the poet who sits alone at the table with their coffee
looking around to see the many faces of the room
who hears words flowing thru their mind 24/7
the poet doesn't speak much just enjoying their coffee

the painter like the poet likes to be alone
watches the many people stroll through
but stares harder, as they are trying to catch every feature
in their facials
the painter loves tea something to soothe the mind

ode to the many characters inside the art cafe

Dec 2021 · 197

cant have one without the other

a Dec 2021

cant have one without the other

my heart lives in my ******
so everytime you **** me
I fall a little harder

the lover in me weeps for you
the ***** in me creams for you

but together I dont know how they can meet

my heart lives in my ******
so everytime you eat me out
youre kissing the biggest part of my soul

I try to seperate the two
however I'm a loving *****
**** me like a **** then cuddle me like your baby

my words are too sweet
they scare you away
the love in my whispers doesn't match the **** who screamed your name

you want the *****
without the lover

I just cant separate one another.

Dec 2021 · 133

fight or love

a Dec 2021

fight or love

two ravaged hungry animals clinging to each others bodies
hunger turns to thirst and they are now fighting to survive
each piece of their soul is enough to feed
but how much do they take?

their bodies grip tighter their growls get louder

predators are watching as they mark down their prey
the eyes you can never escape

Nov 2021 · 169

just a fling

a Nov 2021

just a fling

*** that doesn't mean a thing
two lovers come together to convene
both heaving and holding in screams
keeping the lust, so as not to share enough
deeply yearning for loves lost
they feen into one another
two primordial animals feeding their needs
it's just the very first thing.

Aug 2021 · 597

Untitled

a Aug 2021

Untitled

Silence speaks louder than any word I could speak.

My silence speaks volumes cause I don't care to speak.

Just because I'm silent doesn't mean I concede.

Jun 2021 · 249

passion

a Jun 2021

passion

one day ill be living the dream
simply following my hearts pursuit

Jun 2021 · 488

goodnight

a Jun 2021

goodnight

my oh my what a beautiful sight

deep blue hues
the night is dark as the deep ocean sinking me in
soft as a silk pillow putting me straight to sleep

honestly im ready for bed
goodnight

May 2021 · 106

Dirty Jealousy

a May 2021

***** Jealousy

envidia cochina
***** jealousy
the thoughts in my head
the nasty taste of the words coming out of my mouth
the immeasurable guilt i feel
you are so kind to me
but i want him
to be honest
i want them all
i dont know how to share
and i never been good at rejection
but they arent for me to have
and your beauty radiates
how can they not see what i see?
its only inevitable
ur light shines
and so does mine

Maybe unfinished

Apr 2021 · 400

Another place

a Apr 2021

Another place

He called out to her
He sent her his cries
He'd one day escape after her
Bidding the world of his goodbyes

#heaven #death #short #rhyme

Apr 2021 · 681

Too Bright

a Apr 2021

Too Bright

She had the moonlight in in her eyes
She carried the sunlight in her words
She rose too bright
He would burn next to her

#short #rhyme #light #shine #bright

Apr 2021 · 444

falling for poetry

a Apr 2021

falling for poetry

"i wasn’t supposed to fall in love with poetry, but i did."

the words of poetry...
speak through my fingers almost as clear as my body dances...
the art i never understood
the words of poetry took me hours to understand
the freedom of poetry
it captured my soul
i fell for poetry
the freedom in poetry
its an addiction now
this feeling for poetry
the books I never got
the Maya Angelou poems that took days to decipher...
slowly fell in place
now its all i crave
to let go and let loose
poetry opened my legs
it ****** me up so hard
i squirted for poetry
i felt safe with poetry
poetry held me in its arms and told me its okay
poetry shared its tears with me
it let me cry in their lap
while it carressed my hair
poetry took care of me
poetry is like a mother
nurturing in nature
poetry is the long legged lady
picking herbs from the garden
to heal the sick
poetry is confusing
there is no true essence to poetry
sometimes its invisible or sometimes its perfectly clear
poetry is like that guy who ghosted you but he always comes back
i always feared poetry
felt too insecure for poetry
but poetry is so open
they are so kind
poetry held me and said its okay to try.
thank you to poetry.
its nice to fall inlove.

in response to "a freak for poetry" -anjelicaheaneypoetry.comhttps://angelicaheaneypoetry.com/portfolio/a-freak-for-poetry/

this is a good friend... and I wanted to let her words inspire me as they always did... she helped give the confidence. check out more of her work for just beautiful real *** poetry.

#poetry #love #falling #poet

Apr 2021 · 1.4k

the fears of abuse

a Apr 2021

the fears of abuse

I used to have this night terror...
a man or multiple chasing me
trying to kidnap me
I watched him kidnap so many others

he reached out to me
this scary man with a disguise of female features...
I never understood
where and what created this fear of abuse
at such a young age I ran from more men in my dreams than I did in real life...
I never thought of being abused...
I have no memories.
Was I? did something happen to me?
I will never truly know. I see kids getting kidnapped from their homes in my dreams
Do I know exactly what that means? How far will they take me?
Is it simply the fears of the world, pushed into a child's brain so that it may never leave, a matter of fact.
the knowledge that should be engrained. or is it the past lives of many once lived? / an unconscious collective of memories.
just simply I will never know.

the night terrors turn to day dreams
i witness myself being choked...
i can feel someone watching me
i lose track of time
watching some take their time on me...
i cause myself tears...

i create all these fears in my head
i can see them so clear
these fears i could never control
and i never once understood

never the memories of someone i knew
all strangers
created
from a memory
i almost knew

fears nightmares abuse

#fears #nightmares #abuse