Like fireflies, circling the torches on the porch.
Like moths, ebbing away at the soft cloth of clothes

It bugs me to know
Even more when you show
There is nothing I can do
To help you pull through

Like mosquitos, seven cylindrical mouths **** up several drops of blood
Like flies, frantically flapping flying ***** eaters

All the waste your handing
I'm handling
with my bare hands
There is only so much blood in a man's body

He doesn't have a lot of money
But he's got just enough time on his hands
And his hands
Are soft and skilled and soothing
When they brush across the apples of my cheeks

Wherever I am with you, that's what I'll call home
And I know my walls are tall but they're old
And they're crumbling
Pack another bowl in my piece. Spend a little more time with me please... Don't go.

Can I sink into your spirit
Can I soar inside the place where you feel safe
I'm tired of being sick of the cold, Hold me Closer.
Just like that, as if you always have.

if we must die,
let it be known that
you're only as great as yesterday lets you.
that the leader of men carries the hope of all men.
that the world is never the final destination of life.
that man is only a photograph of heaven.

if we must die.
let it be known that eternity lives in every face.
that the mind is all but a femur of the unspoken soul.
that you are only a footstep ---
and every footstep must wash so to leave room for other footsteps.

since we must all die,
let it be known that you once stood--

let that be known.

i need you to spoon feed me
not with compliments
not with adoration
but with strength and belief in your own self
because that kind of ****
is contagious.

i need you to spoon feed me
not with alcohol
not with food
but with a hey how are you? no how are you really?
because I have lost the ability to tell you, to really tell you
you have trained me to make the unnatural
natural
and that kind of thing is just wrong.

i need you to spoon feed me
not with guilt
not with pity
but with something I can't quite put my finger on,
i need something from you that you've never given
something all mothers must give their child
in order for the child to feel
loved
secure
worthy
confident
comfortable

i need you to spoon feed me
not with effort
not with pain
but with self-forgiveness and unflinching honesty
i need you to love me with no conditions attached
i need you to teach me how to walk without failure
in this cold and terrifying world

i need you to understand me
i need you to comfort me
i need you to
i need you
i need
i

i want so much to see myself through your eyes,
beautiful and unadulterated,
interesting and true.
i'm sorry i'm not that girl
i'm sorry i am so ruined
and sad
and lost
and so preoccupied with death.

i know my purpose is not to die
but i just can't get a grip
on what is real
and what is false
i want so badly to see myself through your eyes,
i'm so sorry i can't.
but what makes me worthy of your forgiveness?

i've tried so hard
i'm still trying
who knew self love would be such a challenge?
i struggle so much with finding one thing to love
about myself
every ******* day and it has exhausted me
to the point of indifference.

a friend of mine said to me today,
thank you for all of the times we have sang and laughed and played together
i began to tremble profusely upon reading
because to me, it sounded like he was saying
goodbye.
are you saying goodbye? i need to know if you're cutting me out of your life.
he said
i'm not cutting anyone out of my life. Things or people or situations
fall away on their own if they need to.
i told him how i hoped our friendship wouldn't fade away
and he said
i hope the friendship you have with yourself never fades away. It's the only one you always have. Self love will bring you everything you would ever want.
and the trembling turned into shaking and i tried but i couldn't hold still and i began
to cry and i was angry
because i knew
he was right.

i'm so sorry, i expect you to leave, i do
i expect everyone to leave
because everyone has left
and i'm always waiting for it
i don't feel as though i'm doubting anyone
but myself
because so many others have left and all i am left with
are voices that scream at me
well it was your own fault. What did you expect? No one would want to be around you. You're too sad too lost too tainted, such a drag.

and you can tell me it's all a lie
and maybe i can't see the truth, your truth
but what if it's my truth?
how many truths are there?
so then what's real and what's not?
what's true and what's false?
why did they leave and why does every embrace, smile, compliment
feel like a goodbye?

i'm sorry
i'm sorry
i just can't see it
through pure, brave, unadulterated eyes.

whenever a boy smiles at me or looks at me for a few seconds longer than normal

or catches my eye and looks away all embarassed

or comes up to me to ask me a stupid question

or simply just stares without being embarassed

or sends me a message being like

hey how are you these days? i miss you!

i cringe because

romance is sickening and it’s just like

please

go

away

there

is

nothing

to

stare

at

so

mo­ve

along

now

stupid

boys with their butterfly filled heads trying to get close enough

for the butterflies to fly into my mouth and multiply in my belly

well nice try but

it’s not gunna happen

*sucka

They end their flight
one by one---
crows at dusk.

is what you repeat to me.
But what you are communicating to me
All the I need you to be’s
All the I want you to be’s
All the please baby pleads
All this communicating is key
In reality
Is me changing to be
What you need to see
But what i am not meant to be
And all this communicating is key
Is contridictory to what you believe
Yes. it is a key.
To a door in my heart you have closed
To a brittle locket now froze
Now we sit here in silence
Two islands
In an ocean of pride
And unspoken lies
And I-wish-you-had-tried’s
And i-don’t-want-to-cry’s
And my-hope-has-now-died’s
died
died.
Now our eyes flicker to each other’s faces
Like a candle’s flame thats seen too many places
I hear the air escape from you lungs
And it makes this war endless, that nobody’s won
And I know that you love me;
but I don’t want you to hug me
I want your communicating keys
to just go home
with out me