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 Jan 2013 Anai Munoz
L Curley
I fall in love with impressions,
Fingertips on fickle flesh
In a shroud I sit
As these wisps rise
In a tantalising spiral

Smoke encircles the crevices
In my palms and in my fingers,
Then dances into my nostrils
And I am choking
Retching up blood

I cannot keep breathing much longer,
Coating my heart in tar
 Jan 2013 Anai Munoz
John
Like a ******* nagging
Ache
Embedded deep in
My neck

Just like the one
I wake up to
Every night
And Morning

I just can't
Sleep
Without that feeling
Greeting me
Every
Single
*******
Morning

They call it
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
In other words
My nerves are worked up
All the time
For no reason
Just
In general
Always
Neverending
Undying

I don't believe in meds
I feel like they'd only
**** me up
Worse than I feel
Most of the time
So I trudge through
These muddied
Hallowed waters
And thick jungles
Of fire
Accompanied by intermittent bursts
Of skin-burning frozenness

Nothing is good
Nothing is right
If only my brain decided
To be this unstoppable
In all the other areas of my life
Maybe things would be a little
Better
But they're not
And I work every day to make it so
My life might be a little easier
The next morning
The next night
The next go around

But I don't know
I never know
This **** takes hold of me
And throws me down that pit
Leaves me there with no food
No water
No love
It sits there
Smile, taps its foot
And waits for me
To die
It's hard not to love you
Your smile blankets my thoughts and colors my dreams
You make it easy to sleep easy
People ask me why I cut
People say "Why would you do that?"
I'm too young to be this sad
People don't understand
I cut for me, I cut for pain
Emotional pain makes me sick
It is unbearable and all-consuming
Emotional pain in which I wallow
Physical pain is easier
Physical pain is short term
It allows me to Focus
Focus on the thin red line
The drops of blood pooling
I don't have to think at all
Nothing comes into my brain
Nothing but pain signals
No remembrance of ****
Abandonment and abuse
Cutting is my escape, my salvation
I am full of so many demons
When I cut I bleed them out
Each drop of red is a tear I've cried
Many tears and many red droplets
Physical pain overcomes me
Wraps me up in a ****** up blanket
Cutting is my drug, my escape
I am given the chance to numb
The ache in my heart is released
Through the valleys in my arm
Valleys carved into my flesh
Released through the blood
Pooling on the bathroom floor
A puddle of pain and demons
This is a puddle of me, all the
*****, nasty, unlovable, *******
Then there is a moment of bliss
That moment when I numb
Like right before they put you to sleep
The numb feeling of emptiness
I don't think about the demons
The demons in my head, screaming
They are no longer in my brain
They are in the puddle on the floor
No longer inside of me
Gone for a moment but not forever
Pain always comes back
This is why I cut, to quiet the pain
 Jan 2013 Anai Munoz
Aurora
I watch as you walk around school.
I watch as you smile at people.

Closing my eyes.
I fantasize.

You come straight to me.
You smile at me.
hug me.
kiss me.
love me.

I open my eyes and sigh.

You own my heart lover boy.

When will you let me own yours?

*
Your eyes are surveying the room.
Look at me
Your attention is caught by your friend.
pay attention to me

You laugh at him and continue to look around our class.

My heart thumps hard.
My blood feels like a freeway.
My head is turning.

Believe it or not.
He's dazzling me.
And he doesn't even know
it.

Eyes clash with mine.

It's
his
eyes.

Turn away.
Turn away.

I can't.

Hot.
The class turned
1000 degrees hotter.

He smiles.

I think
I stopped
breathing.

Run.
Run.
Run.
***
I'm grounded for ditching school.
I'm sick.
and it's Saturday.

Cough.
Cough.
Gag.

There's knocking.
Knock.
Knock.

No ones home except me.
Can someone tell me,
why me?

This can't be.
It's him.

He shoves a book in my hand.
It's my math book.
I look up.

He smiles at me.

I think i fainted.

How pathetic am I?
 Jan 2013 Anai Munoz
Liz Devine
I dreamed a dream
Just a silly little thing

I was there,
sitting cold
In front of the mirror
Donned in white and lace

Champagne was poured
And I sipped it slow
As my hands shook the glass

Friends rushing and running
Falling and laughing
All around me
Adoring me
But they couldn’t see,
my fear

I opened my mouth
But my chilling cries fell flat
So I stood up and ran

And my dress went from white
to black.
 Jan 2013 Anai Munoz
Liz Devine
So here we lay,
in the valley of unrest
Broken, bare, and waiting
in perpetual loneliness

But could it be,
that you're unlike me?
and this soul
is but a distant memory?

That splays open,
my body,
my womb
that darkens my heart,
my cage,
my tomb.
 Jan 2013 Anai Munoz
Liz Devine
When I woke up this morning I felt,

differently.

Like somehow overnight
the world,

fell back into place.

I was me before I met you
and it felt,

good,
and empty.

Like I had never fallen asleep in your arms
Like my lips had never known your,

sweet kisses
or tender touch.

Today was the first time I realized
that you,

are never coming back.

But you were never really there at all.
 Jan 2013 Anai Munoz
Liz Devine
Today I let you go,
and it didn't hurt
and I didn't cry

Last night I released you,
while I was sleeping
Like a soft,
quiet exhalation
that no one heard
and no one saw

I woke up wondering
if I had left you.
Or if,
I was ever in the back of your mind

Perhaps that nimble little moon,
that brought us together
finally decided,
to rip us apart.
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