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Watching him
*******
makes me glad.

I don’t.
Being happy
only means
having something or someone
about which you may later
become depressed.
He picked up the phone
pressed the small green button
scrolled through the list of recently dialled numbers
stopped at her name
and called her.

“I just spoke to her.”
“And?...”
“And… And I told her –
about you and me
about where and when and how we met.
I couldn’t not tell her
any more.”

There was a pause.
And in the pause he said (in his mind)
And I told her so much more
I told her more than I can tell you
I told her
I love you
with every bone, sinew and muscle every cell I have.
I told her there were no words anymore
to describe what I feel
to describe how I feel
about you
I told her
all the good words were gone
taken and used
by better poets than me.
I told her
who, and what, and why
you are to me.
I told her.
Everything.

The pause was reaching its end.
“Well...” he said,
“what do you think?”
“I think
you should have talked
to me first…”

Now
which conversation do you think
was most important?
I’m sorry I’m just not myself
(i’m sorry that’s all i ever am)
I’m sorry I didn’t mean it
(i’m sorry that i meant every word)
I’m sorry for taking so much of your time
(i’m sorry i can’t ask for it all)
I’m sorry that I feel this way
(i’m sorry i can’t feel anything else)
I’m sorry for being so down
(i’m sorry that it looks like up to me)
I’m sorry for everything
(i’m sorry for far more than that)
She dances
with a freedom
with abandon
with a style all her own

to recall faded memories
of past, and lost, loves

and of the night
she left me, and with her

took my hopes
took my dreams
took what little left life had
and danced away.
You make me want to sing
You make me want to laugh
You make me want to fly
You make me want to live

(you make me want to run away and hide and cry and scream and punch
and hurt you now and hurt you bad so it will all be over and you will go
and I will be alone and will never be able to hurt you again and again
and again)

You know what I mean?
What are you thinking?
  (Why I can’t tell you that it’s all a lie)
- Oh nothing really.
- What do you feel?
  (Nothing for you but I’m frightened to say)
- I feel good
- What are you saying?
  (Lies from beginning to end because I’m afraid)
- The truth.
 Mar 2013 Anai Munoz
JLB
This is it.
 Mar 2013 Anai Munoz
JLB
All I want
From you

Is me to be
Enough.
 Mar 2013 Anai Munoz
August
I BROKE my wrist
Snapped it like a TWIG
So I couldn't wave AWAY
The THINGS that they don't say
I'm being FORGOTTEN again
I'm trying to turn my HEAD
But it SNAPS along too
I'm a crumpled HEAP
Of TEARS and BONES
NO STICKS, NO STONES
I CAN'T look away
I can't BRUSH away
That they don't say anything
That I'm being forgotten, *again
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