When I was younger I always used to
see how long I could hold my breath
under water.
I never realized that I was preparing
myself for days
(for weeks)
like these when the surface is far beyond
my reach and water begins to fill my lungs.
I should have taught my bones to survive
on something other than air,
but here I am; driving with the windows down
on nights that sink below 50 degrees,
just so the wind can try and keep me company.
It does a terrible job you know.
It keeps telling me that it will be okay,
but I’m still hitting every red light.
And as I pass by arching power lines
I wonder which ones lead in your direction.
I wonder how long it would take me to get there.
I’ve been traveling around too much lately
anyways.
Nothing feels like home anymore.
I miss you.

I hate buying milk.
I always think about
where I’ll be when it reaches
its expiration date,
and how you still
won’t be there with me.

Just leave me alone
I'm used to it now
Me all alone
I deal with some how

I gave my love
My heart and soul
You gave your lies
Which deepened this hole

I'm tragically lost
As I search on my own
For the one that loves
Maybe she's here, I've never known

She broke the bottle over our heads
and the milk mingled with the blood.
That's how one feeds monsters.
The fingernails dig in deep and pull out threads of fabric.
It might have held the world instead of bled, she said
But I can't toe the line of a killer.

Sometimes I wonder
If I take pride in being a tragedy.
And then I catch myself
Staring at the ceiling,
Too drained to even sit up.
And that's when I see
That I might have built this room,
And filled it to the brim with hell,
And entered it with my own free will,
But I wasn't the one who locked the door.