In the dark,
In the backyard,
Right before you go away.
Just once.
4 simple seconds.

Don't say it.
I don't want to hurt you,
But I can't lie.

Don't say it.
I don't want to tell you,
But you leave me no choice.

Don't say it.
I don't want to see you cry,
But I can't say it back.

Don't say it.
Please don't say it.
Don't say you love me.

Don't tell her.
Never tell her that her dreams can't come true.

There's a small percent that it could happen.
small,
But it's something.

Don't tell her.
The reality she's in kinda *****,
So she made one up.

*Don't tell me.

Bugging out,
Want to shout,
All my dreams,
I'm starting to doubt,
Because I'm not as big as I thought I was...
I'm actually quite small...
And the numbers aren't helping.

Have you ever wanted something,
So bad,
That you dream about it every night?
It makes you so happy,
And so sad to think about.
It won't be easy.
The forces that hold you back,
Aren't going to let go.
They're like a brick wall,
But still,
You continue to ****** yourself at them,
Closer to your dream.
Whether I tip-toe closer,
Or I am thrown backwards.
I don't want it,
I need it.
I'm not a wanter,
I'm a dreamer .
*What are you?

I had another dream about you,
First one in a while.
I was pleasantly surprised,
Because it made me smile.
I'm not sure where we were,
Or who we were with.
Not sure if you mentioned her,
But we were happy,
*And we were together.

I dreamed that I kissed you.
You were as shocked as I was.
"I'm not sorry," I whispered as I walked away.

We were inseparable.
We were one and the same.
But we weren't careful.
So who should we blame?

And we wake up,
Saying 'It will work out.' 'Somehow,' 'Surly!'
At the end of the day,
We both know this isn't working.

We're drifting apart.
We bring out the worst in each other.
We know it's not smart,
To be around each other.
It's dangerous,
It's war.
But I know,
For sure.
We're drifting,
Apart.

Every argument,
Is sink or swim.
No compromise, ifs, ands or buts.
And the winner is whoever can talk louder,
Shove their opinion farther down the other's throat.
Talking to you is hardly sinking though.
It's drowning,
And rather quickly.

On a bitter winter day,
A duckling fell from the sky.
I hope he'll be okay.
Just pray that he won't die.

He reminded me of hope,
Something we all need.
The sight of him made me think,
About who I want to be.

A little ducking from the sky,
I hope he'll be okay.
I pray to god that he won't die,
On this bitter winter day.

I am like the inner core,
*too much pressure to melt.

I'd go out of this world for you.
I'd chase you through the stars.
Though they seem so very close,
They really are quite far.

I'd walk with you through galaxies.
Through lands we've never seen.
Places where the grass is blue,
And where the sky is green.

We'd roam around the universe.
'Together,' we would pledge.
Anything for you, my dear,
I'd follow passed the edge.

I used to criticize people,
For being shallow,
For being empty.

But I, too,
Have dried up,
And now remain with nothing.

It's kinda hard to sleep,
When you know you're set up for failure...
But what else can I do?
What else can I say?
Nobody listens anyways...
The cries for help are obvious,
The dark circles under my eyes.
And no one can tell.
On the outside,
My world's full of rainbows and marshmallow fluff,
But I just don't know,
When enough is enough.

he is kisses and knuckles; treacherous as he invites you to stew in his retrograding aura.

he is cheating and winning, plated with gold and ignorance like some kind of rare ancient treasurer that curses you, and your children, and your children's children upon unearthing.

he is lies and thc wrapped up in the body of a boy with eyes more vibrant than every drop of paint in the sistine chapel.

Even if I apologize,
I know,
There's still a hill to climb,
I know,
That I will never quite convince you.

Even if I apologize,
I know,
That's not enough sometimes,
Although,
It's all I have to give you.

And I wonder if he waited for me,
In the way I waited for him.
I wonder if he gave up on ever seeing me.
I wonder if he left early,
But was always too late.
Well here's where my story will come together.
Here's where I get my happily ever after.

Not everyone's going to like you,
Agree with you,
Or support you.
Not everyone's going to accept you,
Love you,
Or trust you.
So surround yourself with those who do.

I hold my breath when he isn't around,
But I don't breathe when he's near.

I know that nothing will feel sweeter than that long, well deserved release.

But until then,
I need to survive the suffocation.

A billion things,
I wish I could say.
A trillion secrets to tell.
A billion people,
In my life,
Who think they know me well.
Little do they know,
What I'm hiding in my shell....
Little do they know....
I'm about to explode.

It's a cold and lonely world.
People can get lost.
Crazy things can happen,
Some at quite the cost.
People can be influenced,
Doing things they don't want to.
We can get confused,
Thinking wrong's right thing to do.
7 billion people.
It's easy to just exsist.
But I want more than that.
Instead, I want to live.

Of course,
They're green.
Green like the vines that wrap your image around my mind.
And I won't even put up a fight,
For I'm absolutely infatuated with even the mere thought of you.
Of course,
They're green.
Green like the color that is finally returning after a cold, grey winter.
And your smile thaws these freezer-burned feelings that I've longed to feel, and long forgotten.

Faded floral wallpaper,
Carpet in blood red.
And though I've got a heavy heart,
My hands support my head.
Your eyes, just like diamonds.
And your gaze, it stops me dead.
The words just fall right out my mouth,
I don't know what I said.

I think I'm going crazy,
For you,
For you.

Scuffed black plastic furniture,
Walls painted fresh white.
I know I shouldn't kiss you,
But I think that I might try.
Thoughts flutter around my head,
A kind of constant fright.
I hope that you won't find this out,
You won't turn on the light.

I think I'm going crazy,
For you,
For you.

Before I will shut my eyes,
There's one thing that comes first.
I pray that I can just go back,
To put it in reverse.
You know, she seems alright,
And I guess I shouldn't hate her,
But she's the freshly painted wall,
And I'm the faded paper.

I'm floating in the background,
Fading in the shadows.
I'm everyone's back up plan.
But when will it be my turn,
to step out of the darkness?
I put all of my effort,
but what for?
It's never good enough.
*I'm never good enough

The girl standing in front of me,
Is just an empty shell.
You used to be so funny,
But you dragged her strait to hell.

And we act like this is working.
It's not,
So we pretend.
Your backwards lies,
Your desperate cries,
Have plagued me once again.

And in the silly game of love,
Something we don't choose.
You win, you rub it in my face,
While every time I lose.

But that's alright,
Because we're friends.
Well I guess we're not,
But we'll pretend.

I've fallen for you.
If you don't plan on catching me,
please don't let me down too hard.

Falling.
Falling fast.
But my feet don’t touch the ground.
Falling.
Falling deep.
And the only sound is the beat of my heart.
Falling.
Falling hard.
And you’re the only one around.
Falling.
Falling over.
Tumbling,
Fumbling,
Falling,
Falling in love.

It's been a rough week,
But it's finally ending.
Finally I can sleep.

A lot of things that I didn't do,
And a lot more that I should've.
Accomplished a lot,
Let a lot of people down.
Helped others,
But hurt them more.
Didn't reach goals,
Or due dates.
Forgot to forget how to fail.

But at last,
I can finally shut my eyes,
And drift off to somewhere else
Somewhere far, far away.

So know you know...
My walls are down,
My scars are open.
When you look into my eyes,
They're not diamonds,
They're knives.
I still melt,
But out of pure fear.
I'm afraid of what you think of me.
I'm vulnerable.
And you know.

February,
The hardest month,
Approaches a close.

Did I tell anyone?
Yes.
Did they care?
No.

For some strange reason,
I always feel like everything would be better,
If you were still here.

I've had a good week.

Although I've cried an exploded,
I've smiled and I've laughed.
I've worked hard and I feel alive.

It's refreshing. It feels nice.
Instead of just going through the motions,
I'm feeling again.

From sitting and thinking,
Constant falling and failure,
It feels nice,
To feel.

My mother used to tell me of her dreams of being a figure skater. She made sure to start my brother and I early, so as soon as I could walk, I was on the ice. I wasn't bad... Nothing special, but potential was all I needed. I remember watching the big girls in their pretty, sparkly costumes jump and twist. I remember saying to myself "I wanna be like that." Sunday mornings flew by, each one becoming harder and harder, and soon I was offered a private instructor. At this point my mother had given me the choice to continue. Ten years old and well aware of my strengths and weeknesses, I quit. I wanted to go shopping on Sundays. I wanted to have play dates and eat ice cream. I didn't want to spend it in that freezing cold arena, working on something that I may or may not be good at. So I quit. Gave up.
Occasionally I miss it and go back to that arena. I put on the bright, white 'big girl' skates that I used to look forward to growing into. Doing laps around the rink, I try to recall what I'd once known... Crossover, jump, spin, turn. Not as grand as they used to be...
I see the little girls in the middle, they look about ten. They wear pretty little costumes and shiny white skates as they hop, spin, crossover, jump, effortlessly.
I wonder about where I'd be if I'd continued...
One of the girls falls out of her spin and lays there helplessly on the ice. She looks as if she's going to try again, but her face reads: I want to quit.
She sighs and stands up. I skate over and tap her on the shoulder.
"Don't give up. I promise, you'll regret it."
I hop off of the ice and compare what I could've been to what I am.

filler is the contents of the words i say
just so i can be close to you
sometimes they're empty compliments
or observations
and you'll always reply in the same way
with filler
because i guess we're not close enough for a real conversation

And I pushed them all away,
So they wouldn't see my face,
While I cried.
Because words they had to say,
Have just gotten in the way,
So I'm 'fine.'

I know I'm young,
And I know I make mistakes,
But I didn't ask you what I should have done
I asked you how to fix this.

Broken glass heart,
Shatters on the pavement,
Because the ones we love,
Aren't as perfect as they seem.

I must be taller than 5'2 allows,
Because I lay on the floor
While my head's in the clouds.

I must be made to live in the night,
I see beautiful worlds
With my eyes shut tight.

The thick fog outside covers my thoughts.
Everything is a blur.
Eyes slowly,
Slowly
Drifting,
Closing,
Shut.

Through the wind and the rain,
The cold and the pain,
I will keep chugging,
Pushing my train.

And if the tears stream,
My friends are my team.
Keep pushing boundaries,
And following dreams.

I fell for a predator,
I was the prey.
I was head over heels,
But now I’m done with your game.
You’ve had your fun,
But now I am through.
But 4 words will bring me back,
And those words are ‘I love you, too.’
So I would like to thank you,
For breaking my heart.
Because now both of us,
Have a fresh start.
So now you are free,
To be with whoever,
But I know I’ll still,
Love you forever.

Too many forks in the road,
Not being sure where to go.
The lack of consistency kills me,
And sometimes I really don’t know.
Left or right?
Theater or track?
Up or down?
Music or math?
Too many forks,
Don’t know what to do,
Don’t want to choose.
over what I must lose.

If you aren't playing fair,
Then why should I?
And besides,
He's the one who called first.

As we danced tonight,
I felt unsure,
About how I felt,
And how things were.
I don’t want to dive in headfirst again,
For I know that we’ll end up awkwardly ‘friends.’
So much to do,
So much to rehearse,
Maybe I should just dip my toes in first.

Call it what you want,
But I wouldn't consider us as 'friends.'

If things don't go the way you plan,
Don't give up,
Don't get mad.
It's up to you,
To change the game,
To free yourself,
To light the way.

Nobody won;
We all lost.
But who cares.
Game Over

This town is suffocating me.*
Words that are heard more often than not,
Never felt so real.

I'm fragile.
I'll shatter.
I'm a glass bottle,
On the pavement.
Please.
Please Don't drop me.

This could be amazing.
This could be everything I've ever wanted.

But it could also be worse.
I could just end up broken.

So I'll push you away.

*I just don't want get hurt again.