You're the crosswind that causes droplets to fall from the leaves;
A canopy of green, the mirage of a pale-green summer storm.

You're the steel stringed guitar you so skillfully strum;
Raspy and warm, inevitably, you'll pull me under.

You're the snow drifting off of the lake;
Iced and stony, but nevertheless, fleeting.

Real friends will comfort you,
When you are a mess.
Fake friends will compliment you,
When wearing a cute dress.
Real friends look after you,
Saying no,
Don't date that guy.
Fake friends will tell you,
He's cute, give it a try.
And when your heart breaks,
And then your world shakes,
You haven't cried so much in years.
Your real friends shine through,
To dry up all your tears.

And oh,
What a mess we have made,
My dear.

To all the times I spent alone.
All the times I made the same mistakes repeatedly.
All the times I wasted being unhappy.
All the times I spent being heartbroken over some guy I won't even remember 20 years from now.

20 years from now.
It's been awhile since I've thought about that...

In 20 years....
Well, I'd be older for one thing...
Maybe living my dream...
Maybe failed trying...

20 years from now,
I don't know who I'll be,
Where I'll be,
Or what I'll be.

But that's okay.
Because today,
I am happy.

If we spend all of our time thinking about the future, we'd become oblivious to the now.

We have the choice to live or to exsist.

This passed year,
I exsisted.
I didn't do anything too special,
And I wasn't particularly happy either.

In 2013 and every year to follow,
I'm promise to live,
And 20 years from now,
I hope I kept my promise.

Happy New Years everyone!

It's liberating,
The truth.

Telling what matters the most,
To those who matter the most.

And I want to say it's okay,
To make things like they used to be.
But the damage has been done.
Once again,
Here I am:
Hurt...
As usual.

Talking.
Words flying through my head at a million miles an hour.  Usually I'm really good at talking. Sometimes I just can't shut up!


But when I'm with you,
I just don't even know
what
to
say.

It's May
And I'll kiss you by the light of your still decorated Christmas tree.

It's May,
And the rain comes down heavy from the dark clouds that lurk at every corner.

It's May
And we've only got a couple more months together.

It's May,
And I don't really care that you're leaving
Because it's May,
And for right now,
I'm happy.

Why are my dreams unreachable?
And everything to learn's unteachable?
What I want I can't get,
And I can't even try yet!
You always tell me to organize my time,
But number one on your list,
Is different than mine.
"What happens to a dream deferred,
does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?"
Yes I think,
If that means the dream is done.

You can have him.
Even though I like him a lot, probably more than you, he doesn't like me. He likes you. So you can have him...I guess.
You can have him, because with you, he'd be happy.
I like it when he's happy.
I know it seems unfair to me, but life isn't fair. I never come out on top with this kind of thing, so what made this time different?  
Maybe it was his smile.
Maybe it was his laugh.
Maybe it was that he'd actually want to talk to me...
But it was only to get closer to you...As it always is.
So you can have him.
At least one of us can be happy...

The stage
The lights
The people
The energy
The applause

The music
The costumes
The props
The set
The overture

The concert
The recital
The play
The performance
The dream.

You thought it was a spark,
But it was a conflagration.

You see, some monsters are complex.
Some are nice,
And talented,
And poetic,
And sweet to you,
But they'll erode you to dust.
They'll shatter you like a glass bottle traveling at high speeds towards a cold, hard brick wall.  
They'll treat you like a backup plan,
Like nothing,
And you'll forgive him every ******* time
Because you're so blinded,
Under his spell,
And he's so ******* charming.

But you're not a ******* second choice.
You deserve respect.
You deserve someone who will put you first,
Someone who won't throw you on the back burner.
You're a gem.
You're a catch.
You're important,
And important things are valuable,
And valuable things should be kept close.

There will be other sparks,
Hell, there will be fireworks,
And they won't burn you.

sometimes i lay awake in the dark
and my mind creeps to the places we've been.

various concert halls,
(both on stage and in the house)
restaurants,
bars,
basements,
attics,
dark.

and i wonder the significance of each.
until i see you.
you and that stupid little grin you make when i say something dumb because i'm nervous to talk to you.
or the way your cheeks light up red like a sunset,
replacing fair skin with blush.
that moment when your eyes found mine and we both glowed.
the luminosity filled the room until the darkness seemed bright.

and just thinking about it,
alone in my room,
i smile a little bit

and i can only hope that you do the same
when your mind creeps
and stumbles upon my face.
that stupid little grin i make when i know that i'm right.
or the way that i know every word to every song
and the way that my eyes light up when i see you walking towards me.
replacing dull eyes with light.

It's kinda hard to sleep,
When you know you're set up for failure...
But what else can I do?
What else can I say?
Nobody listens anyways...
The cries for help are obvious,
The dark circles under my eyes.
And no one can tell.
On the outside,
My world's full of rainbows and marshmallow fluff,
But I just don't know,
When enough is enough.

They don't notice the way I look at him.
She doesn't realize that she's tearing me apart.
He doesn't see that I'm trying.








                                                                                                                                              Nobody does.

if the mosquitoes don't even want my blood,
how can I expect someone to  want all of me?

Give me a minute,
To cry out my tears,
Give me a second to think.

Give me a minute,
To overcome fears,
Give me a second to blink.

Give me some time,
To think it through,
Who do I want,
To be to you?

Give me a second to prioritize,
Give me a minute to close my eyes.

What happened to us?
And please tell me why.
Since when was it okay to just let people cry,
While they smile on the outside,
And utter mere lies.
We're all so broken,
But yet, we're 'fine.'

159 days from now,
I will be the happiest ******* the planet.

One hundred and fifty nine.

I've been counting for over a year and
I
Can't
Wait!

I'm pushing myself,
Farther than I should.
I'm about to go over the edge.
*I'm taking you with me

To make flowers grow,
It takes a little rain.
To heal and get better,
It takes a little pain,
But when it’s always raining,
And you’re always hurt,
You can’t help but feel worthless.

Sing to me softly,
For it's been a long journey,
Full of harsh noises that have come to corrupt my once pure eardrums.

Sing to me sweetly,
For the air here is not clean,
Full of subtance that has managed to pollute my no longer ****** lungs.

Sing to me gently,
For holes have weathered my façade,
Full of craters like the ones on the moon, however, mine are quite earth bound.

And finally, sing me to sleep.
Shut my eyes; let my mind run blank.
And when I wake up and enter the state where I'll have no recollection of who or where I am,
Keep me there.

I'm fragile.
I'll shatter.
I'm a glass bottle,
On the pavement.
Please.
Please Don't drop me.

This could be amazing.
This could be everything I've ever wanted.

But it could also be worse.
I could just end up broken.

So I'll push you away.

*I just don't want get hurt again.

They warned her about him,
But of course,
She didn't hear,
For her mind was elsewhere.

She felt as if she were floating,
Flying high throughout the sky.

Then he cut her down.
And she fell,

Hard and fast,

And all they said was
"I told you so."

But her feelings hadn't melted,
And her spirit hadn't died.
So she went back to him,
To give him another try.

And she flew and flew,
Until he cut her down.

And all they said was:
"I told you so."

Faded floral wallpaper,
Carpet in blood red.
And though I've got a heavy heart,
My hands support my head.
Your eyes, just like diamonds.
And your gaze, it stops me dead.
The words just fall right out my mouth,
I don't know what I said.

I think I'm going crazy,
For you,
For you.

Scuffed black plastic furniture,
Walls painted fresh white.
I know I shouldn't kiss you,
But I think that I might try.
Thoughts flutter around my head,
A kind of constant fright.
I hope that you won't find this out,
You won't turn on the light.

I think I'm going crazy,
For you,
For you.

Before I will shut my eyes,
There's one thing that comes first.
I pray that I can just go back,
To put it in reverse.
You know, she seems alright,
And I guess I shouldn't hate her,
But she's the freshly painted wall,
And I'm the faded paper.

Go on,
Side with her.
You always do...
Everyone does.
She could do the wrongest thing,
And somehow it's always my fault.
So go on,
Side with her,
And when I quit,
It'll be too late,
To be on my side.

It could’ve been perfect.
Wonderful.
Amazing.
Just what I wanted,
Just what we wanted.
But I was afraid.
I was scared,
Of what others might think,
So I turned away,
And it still kills me inside.
Because I know,
How you felt the same,
But we were both too scared,
To admit it….
Yet.

There are so many opportunities that I have deprived myself of.
So many things that I said 'no' to out of pure fear and awkwardness.
I guess that I'm too quick to judge things.

At the time, I thought I'd made the right decision,
But now, all I have are the after tastes of regret.

Just when all hope is gone,
Things just seem to move along.
From the long descent,
Waking from my hibernation.

What a *****.

My knees are weak,
My hands are pained.
I feel tired,
Emotionally drained.
I just push myself far.
Not too far I believe,
It’s just that I always,
Overachieve.

I like the way you scrunch your face,
When you hit the high notes.
And I like that little hole,
On the right knee of your jeans.
I like those beautiful blue eyes,
That scan the crowd every night.
But most of all,
I love the way that you light up the stage,
And how obvious it is that it's exactly where you belong.

To whoever holds your heart right there.
You hold my world so handle with care.

Through the wind and the rain,
The cold and the pain,
I will keep chugging,
Pushing my train.

And if the tears stream,
My friends are my team.
Keep pushing boundaries,
And following dreams.

There are thoughts,
Swirling around in my head,
Meaningful things,
That I left unsaid.

I used to criticize people,
For being shallow,
For being empty.

But I, too,
Have dried up,
And now remain with nothing.

You've got me addicted to your scent,
Breathe you in 'till I feel content.
Craving the feeling of your lips against mine,
Obsessed with the feeling of our hands intertwined.

Physically,
She sits in front of you in math.
She's right in front of you,
In this tired town,
Wishing she wasn't.

Mentally,
She's dreaming.
Fantasying of the places she'd rather be.

i fluctuate along the boundary of complete control and utter chaos
equations and imagination
the reality opposed to the uncharted territory in my mind

If I remember correctly,
I hesitated before saying yes.
I failed to get to know you.
I knew about you,
And I loved the idea of you,
But neglected to see the real you.
I dove in too soon and the water was shallow.
Hit my head on the bottom.
And didn't learn until it stopped hurting.
Although when I think back now,
The whole thing was a waste of time.

The last thing I thought of,
Before the goodbye,
Was the warmth of your lips,
And the sun in your eyes.
My pliable mindset,
Is a waste of your time,
I'm not looking for answers,
Just looking to find.

I'll conjure all my thoughts,
And I'll try to unwind.
Sit still and relaxed,
Just to pass time.
I'll battle with grace,
At least on the outside.
While the hole in my chest,
Fights the war with my mind.

Walks late at night,
Through the dark woods,
And whatever I do,
I feel up to no good
And I can't find the footing,
Of where I once stood,
I have fallen and broken,
More times than I should.

I'll conjure all my thoughts,
And I'll try to unwind.
Sit still and relaxed,
Just to pass time.
I'll battle with grace,
At least on the outside.
While the hole in my chest,
Fights the war in my mind.

We're like cliffs.
Never moving, ever changing.

We're like a dog chasing its tail.
Round and round until he's dizzy and gives up.

Either way,
We're not going anywhere.

Pining for someone who I've spoken to only twice.
Do I believe in love at first sight?
Will he feel the same way?
He probably won't remember me.
But that's okay.
Because there's something special,
Or at least I'd like to convince myself that there is...

I miss the days,
When I couldn't reach the cereal,
When I couldn't see out of the car window.
I miss the days of simplicity.
I miss the days,
When I was a princess,
When I was an astronaut.
I miss the days when I could be both.
I miss not having to make decisions.
I miss when stress and heartbreak only happened,
On TV shows that no longer exsist.
Oh, how I miss the days,
When I didn't have to care.

It gets colder and colder.
Frozen
It's getting tighter and tighter.
Suffocation
And I'm ******* up everything.
Sinking
And the mess,
*It grows.

I learned a lot from him at three in the morning, but the most important lesson was that
"You gotta get through it."
It's gonna ****,
But it's not forever.
You might hate it,
But "you gotta get through it."
The more you fight it,
The longer it'll feel,
So just go with it for a while.

When you get out,
Put it behind you

don't look back

"And that's when your life truely begins."

At first love is easy,
It all just goes.
Everything runs smoothly,
Everything flows.
Then it gets rough,
And you wonder why,
For the hardest part is lurking:
Saying goodbye.

Of course,
They're green.
Green like the vines that wrap your image around my mind.
And I won't even put up a fight,
For I'm absolutely infatuated with even the mere thought of you.
Of course,
They're green.
Green like the color that is finally returning after a cold, grey winter.
And your smile thaws these freezer-burned feelings that I've longed to feel, and long forgotten.

If everything's so 'great,'
Then why aren't I happy?
If it's all 'sorted out,'
Then why is there still so much to be done?