I like you.
Or at least I like who I am when I'm with you.
When I look into your eyes,
I'm on a different planet.
I've always liked you...
Even before everyone else did.
I still do...
And I don't know if its worse if you know,
Or worse if you don't.

Personality.
It’s just never enough.
Is it?

It can’t win someone over,
It can’t change someone’s mind.
And rarely does it get you what you want.

Personality.
It’s just never enough.
Is it?

The cottonwood fell from the skies and covered the grass

Like snow

It smelled fresh and young, like summer

Like you

Like the winter that barely lasted, the snow melted too soon

You were gone too soon


I'll never forget the night I heard.
That
Was the night
It snowed.

It's Monday.
Most people hate Mondays. Back to school, back to work, back to losing sleep. I don't particularly enjoy them either, but today is different. Today, I feel like this is the start of a new week. Last week was tough and all, but its all over now... Monday. We all want to curl back up under the covers in a cocoon of blankets. But Monday. All of last week's hardships are through. Gone. Over.

Today is Monday, November 12th, 2012.
There will never be another. Ever

Monday.
It's only a bad day if you make it one.

My life is a rollercoaster.
I'm on my way up,
Meaning this is going to be a hell of a fall.

It's been  a while,
Five months to be exact.
I miss your dimpled smile,
I wish I could go back.

I only saw you twice,
And it'd be a stretch to call it love,
But someone's looking out for me,
Someone up above.

I can put away my socks,
My shin guards,
My cleets.
Soccer is over,
There aren't any more meets.
It makes me so sad,
That our season has ended,
But I am so glad,
So many I've befriended.
This season has flown by,
Faster than a happy dream.
I've had such a wonderful time,
Playing on this team.

I'm insecure about a lot of things.
I've got a lack of self-confidence beyond compare.
Never will I ever tell anyone,
Because all they do is remind me of why.

Once a cheater,
Always a cheater.
Just why did you have to be a cheater?

Once a heartbreaker,
Always a heartbreaker,
Just why did you have to break my heart?

*And why do I still love you?

6 strings,
Endless possibilities.
Happiness.

You say it's a 'right.' You say it's  allowed to have these- These killing machines. Things are different now. We don't need this, for things have changed.

You just won't give up, huh?
Is it a pride thing? Does it make you feel powerful? Important?
Knowing that the lives of everyone around you,
Cower in the palm of your hand?


And with the simple jolt of a hand,
20 innocent children are dead.

You wouldn't dare say he had the 'right,'
Would you?

Whenever it was painful,
Whenever I was away,
I'd miss you,
And I miss you.

The things we take for granted,
a gunshot away from being gone.

The ideas are there,
I should just follow through,
Because so many routes,
Have lead me to you.
The wheels are turning,
But still I don’t move.
Can I do it?
Oh, how I’m longing to know.
Will I make it?
Oh, how I’m longing to go.

It's a shame.
I pity you.
I feel bad that you think you must do that.
So go on,
**** in your cheeks and show off the dimples you don't have. Stick your chest out, hide the chalkboard that is really there. And let every boy in town write on it.
As you seek the attention that you thrive on,
We'll be watching,
Waiting.

I'm scared.
Terror, pure terror.
He knows.

He knows.

He knows how I feel about him.
How his smile is like magic,
How his laughter is like music.
He knows how I feel.

And the feelings aren't mutual.

At this very moment in time,
I'd be perfectly content and happy with disappearing.

****.

Gone.


But I can't.

I must face his funny glances.
I must quiet her flirty laughter.
Must mend my broken heart.

Do you ever wonder if the stars shine out for you?
Float down
Like autumn leaves
Hush now
Close your eyes before the sleep
And you're miles away
And yesterday you were here with me

Another tear
Another cry
Another place for us to die
It's not complicated

"The perfect couple,"
Everyone would say,
As they saw us together,
Day by day.
"They'll never break up,"
Everyone would insist...
If only he knew,
That I exsist.

You're always happy.
It's a front.
It's a mask for the hurt that hides beneath those cold brown eyes.
Your mouth smiles but your eyes do not,
Nor does your heart.
It frowns and sighs deeply,
Longing for the trust and love it deserves.

Always happy,
Always nice,
Always there.
Doormat.

I know there's more,
But everyone uses you to wipe off their ***** feet between the outside and the inside.
You know, and think hey, at lease I'm not a toilet!
The optimist,
But why?

I saw it.
You smiled, but for a second it faulted.

All of the hurt,
Hate,
And Hard work,
Hides a soul.
It desperately wants, it needs outoutout,
And all it gets is trappedtrappedtrapped.
And it all hides,
In your sad brown eyes,
Behind that hopeless smile.

We all tried to say he was bad.
We all thought he was mad.
We were wrong,
And I'm finally accepting that.

I've always felt this way,
But never wanted to say.
But I like how I feel when I'm with him,
And I'm finally accepting that.

You only live once...
More commenly known as YOLO
God, I'm such a nerd...Did I actually just say that?
...well that's new...

Anyways...
Though the song actually doesn't serve this message much good, (but has the capacity to get stuck in my head ALL THE TIME) this message is quite true.

I've been spending far too much time moping around about how my dreams never come true and a bunch of **** that means the world to me now and won't matter later....

I know this isn't poetry, but I wanted to get this out and write something that felt personal... Something that felt like me talking...almost...

So I realized that we really do only live once (duh) and that I don't want to follow the standard little path we're all started on and brainwashed into thinking  leads to success. I don't want to have a ton of money but hate what I do. Really, I'd rather just be happy.

When I'm older, I want to look back at my life and be proud of myself. I want to look back and think that I lived a happy life.

So I know I'm young. I know that 20 years from now I won't remember the cold winter night at 2:17 am that I wrote this. I won't remember why I had a crush on that one boy in 8th grade.

But, I will remember being happy, or more commenly unhappy and I don't like being unhappy, no one does.

Something's wrong and I think it's time to stop acting like it's not.

So yeah, I'm young. I've got a long road behind me and an even longer one ahead. I've got a lot of choices and mistakes to make. I've got a lot of things to fix.

I've got a pile of homework to catch up on, and a couple thousand ideas to write down.

It used to be when I grow up, I want to be a doctor.
An astronaut.
A figure skater.
A singer,
A gymnast,
A doctor,
President,
And so on,
But at this point, I want to be happy.

This love is like a game of  hide and seek,
Except you're always
Hiding,
And I can never find













                                                   ­                         *you.

Oh, my God, I feel it in the air
Telephone wires above are sizzling like a snare
Honey, I'm on fire, I feel it everywhere
Nothing scares me anymore

In my head,
You’re perfect.
You’re never wrong.
Never a bad decision,
Always where you belong.
But I chose to ignore the rumors,
Some which could be true.
I refuse to believe,
Anything bad about you.

I like the way you look at me.
I like that you search for eye contact.
I like your ****** expressions,
And the shape of your smile.
I think I like you.
A lot.

Torn are my muscles,
Torn is my heart.
Torn is my life,
I'm falling apart.

And their happiness makes me sad.
I don't want to be 'that one girl who won't just let it go.'
But I can't let it go.

On a bitter winter day,
A duckling fell from the sky.
I hope he'll be okay.
Just pray that he won't die.

He reminded me of hope,
Something we all need.
The sight of him made me think,
About who I want to be.

A little ducking from the sky,
I hope he'll be okay.
I pray to god that he won't die,
On this bitter winter day.

We had sparks,
I wanted flames.
I fell for you,
Who didn't feel the same.

Loneliness,
And sleepless nights.
Late night calls,
And losing fights.

We had sparks,
I wanted flames.
I got burned,
So who's to blame?

My mother used to tell me of her dreams of being a figure skater. She made sure to start my brother and I early, so as soon as I could walk, I was on the ice. I wasn't bad... Nothing special, but potential was all I needed. I remember watching the big girls in their pretty, sparkly costumes jump and twist. I remember saying to myself "I wanna be like that." Sunday mornings flew by, each one becoming harder and harder, and soon I was offered a private instructor. At this point my mother had given me the choice to continue. Ten years old and well aware of my strengths and weeknesses, I quit. I wanted to go shopping on Sundays. I wanted to have play dates and eat ice cream. I didn't want to spend it in that freezing cold arena, working on something that I may or may not be good at. So I quit. Gave up.
Occasionally I miss it and go back to that arena. I put on the bright, white 'big girl' skates that I used to look forward to growing into. Doing laps around the rink, I try to recall what I'd once known... Crossover, jump, spin, turn. Not as grand as they used to be...
I see the little girls in the middle, they look about ten. They wear pretty little costumes and shiny white skates as they hop, spin, crossover, jump, effortlessly.
I wonder about where I'd be if I'd continued...
One of the girls falls out of her spin and lays there helplessly on the ice. She looks as if she's going to try again, but her face reads: I want to quit.
She sighs and stands up. I skate over and tap her on the shoulder.
"Don't give up. I promise, you'll regret it."
I hop off of the ice and compare what I could've been to what I am.

How ironic it is
That your tattoo is a scorpion.
What a majestic creature,
Holding it's head high,
Charming those around it.
But do tell me,
When do you sting?

Knotted little flowers strung through her hair, like a daisy chain. Each bud, a different innocence to prey on.

How did something so lovely turn so lost?

Maybe I'm caught up in what used to be.
Maybe I'm stuck in what never was.

He's perfect.
So perfect.
His eyes shimmer like diamonds,
And diamonds are a girl's best friend.
And when he smiles,
The whole room just lights up,
Like fireworks on the Fourth of July.
When he looks into my eyes,
Just like candy on a hot summer day,
I melt.
As perfect as he is,
He's sometimes self centered.
He wants too badly to be popular,
All he wants is for people to like him.
But still,
All I want is to make him mine.

You’re like a tattoo,
Haunting me,
Following wherever I go.
I look down at my arm,
You’re staring back.
I look away,
But your image is still with me.
Now of course,
I could get you removed,
But that’s a slow and painful process.

But when she looks into his eyes, everyone disappears and the world stops spinning.

For a split second his hand brushes hers. Suddenly she is torn from the crust of the Earth.

The are flying high above,
They are shooting stars.

And when their lips meet,
They are infinite.

She looks at his picture.
"Someday," she whispers.

He looks out into the crowd.
"Someday," he whispers.

And suddenly,
This love,
It's a game of ping pong,
Whenever I strike,
You just return the hit,
But you've got the advantage.

Back and forth,
To and from.
Hit bounce hit bounce.
Soon the ball moves quickly from my side to yours

Our paddles swing rapidly,
Like a kayak on a strong current.

We wash up on the shore,
We sit and watch the sunset.
It's beautiful.
You look at me.
"I love you."
We look into each other's eyes.
It's intense,
But we lean in...

Ow!
Another daydream...
And I just got hit in the eye with the ball.

And he didn't text.
He didn't call.
Didn't write 'Happy Birthday!'
On my Facebook wall.

So when I blow out my candles,
There's one wish I must do.
Not to be yours,
But to get over you.

Did we actually have something?
Did you feel it too?
Well you act like you didn’t,
But I know you still do.
Which leaves me confused.
Was it me,
Or you?
What did I say?
What did I do?
Did we have something?
Did you feel it too?
Then why’d you act like you didn’t?
I’m so confused.

What to do,
When you’re hopeless and helpless.
What to say,
When all you want is to be heard.
Where to go,
When all you want is to be gone.
Who to love,
When all you want is to be sure.
How to get there,
When you’ve been replaced by her.

Today started bad, but ended better.
Waking up from my half-slumber in Social Studies,
I was remind that I don't have to be perfect, I have to be me.
It's weird because we focus on those who don't accept us, trying to change to fit their standards, but we don't realize the wonderful people who do.

Do what you love,
Chase what matters,
And always be yourself.

Sometimes,
If you hit rock bottom with enough force,
You'll bounce right back up,
And make a hole in the ceiling.

So if you feel yourself falling,
Don't try to grab on,
Brace yourself for the landing,
Or go down proud.

Some nights I lie awake,
Wondering about the future.
The late night slips into early hours of the morning,
And I'm still undecided about everything.

I'm not one to wear sweatpants in public.
It's not like I shame others for wearing them,
Or that I don't enjoy the comfort of that fuzzy inside part,
It's just there's something ****** enough inside of me that prevents me from exposing this level of comfort outside the safety of my home.

So if you ever see me in sweatpants,
Assume that all hell broke loose and that something went terribly wrong.

If I look mad:
Run.
Don't even consider stopping.
run
I bite.

If I look like I haven't slept,
Well you're probably right,
I probably haven't.

And if I appear to be sad and/or (probably) crying,
Don't talk. Just be there and listen to me complain.
And if you're having a 'sweatpants day,'
I'll be there for you as well.

To the times I said I wouldn't like you,
But I'd look into your eyes,
And every ounce of self control,
Couldn't fight away the butterflies.
For the tongue tied moments when I'd see you,
And every pretty, witty thing I ever wanted to say,
Completely left my mind.
To every awkward silence,
Where I was too busy daydreaming,
To say anything meaningful.

What is love?
Is it like a one way street,
Where you either go with it,
Or you get run over?




So this is for the newly weds.
The lovers,
The taken,
The single.
It's for the heartbroken,
The confused,
The lost,
And the gone.


*What is love?

All of your transparent lies become visible.
Crystal clear,
We are scattered on the ground.
And suddenly I'm not blind anymore.

Too many forks in the road,
Not being sure where to go.
The lack of consistency kills me,
And sometimes I really don’t know.
Left or right?
Theater or track?
Up or down?
Music or math?
Too many forks,
Don’t know what to do,
Don’t want to choose.
over what I must lose.