she paced the house again last night
from the kitchen table I could feel her fright
I can stop it and remind her, "you're at it again"
but she'd forget in a hour and start over at 10:00
I've read her this poem a thousand times like a curse
and each time with a new blank stares she'd swear its the first
and little reminders I'd leave inside her purse
like "I love you" or "I miss you"
life's memories in reverse

If you catch me staring at the ceiling
I'm thinking about bleeding
I am not looking for a God to cope
Just somewhere promising to loop the rope
They tell me that's life and I can like it or not
To be frank I don't and it happens a lot
My needle doesn't even work
All it does is ******* hurt
I cry I'm okay and scream I'm not upset
Can we just sit and pretend life isn't real for one minute
It's getting hard not to laugh when I'll I want is to die
And when I can't I just nap to make the time fly
Mom's sleeping pills couldn't get the job done
So I climbed to the top of dad's closet and tried out the gun
Well I stepped outside to give it one more try
But the ocean was calm and the sky seemed forgiving
So I persuaded myself to keep on living