If you catch me staring at the ceiling
I'm thinking about bleeding
I am not looking for a God to cope
Just somewhere promising to loop the rope
They tell me that's life and I can like it or not
To be frank I don't and it happens a lot
My needle doesn't even work
All it does is ******* hurt
I cry I'm okay and scream I'm not upset
Can we just sit and pretend life isn't real for one minute
It's getting hard not to laugh when I'll I want is to die
And when I can't I just nap to make the time fly
Mom's sleeping pills couldn't get the job done
So I climbed to the top of dad's closet and tried out the gun
Well I stepped outside to give it one more try
But the ocean was calm and the sky seemed forgiving
So I persuaded myself to keep on living

she paced the house again last night
from the kitchen table I could feel her fright
I can stop it and remind her, "you're at it again"
but she'd forget in a hour and start over at 10:00
I've read her this poem a thousand times like a curse
and each time with a new blank stares she'd swear its the first
and little reminders I'd leave inside her purse
like "I love you" or "I miss you"
life's memories in reverse