First let me say:
No one is perfect
We all are unique
We all learn differently
We think seperatley
Our dreams and ambitions belong to our individual souls.
So why do yoy expect my daughter to be a cookie cutter image of a child at her age?
She is special and perfect in my eyes.
With a heart of pure innoscense and gold.
But all you see are the tears, the tantrums, and the fears.
You don't see the sweet little girl that cries herself to sleep because she never feels good enough.
You don't see the defeat and pain in her big brown eyes when a task is difficult or hard to understand.
The frustration because she doesn't know how to cope or why shes not like the rest.
The depth of exhaustion she experiences every day because her little body is not strong enough to master the challenges of the day.
You don't see the despiration to be accepted and loved.
Her mind and body communicate at the speed of light or at the pace of a tourtise.
So young she has no words to explain the torture that normal activities cause her pain.
You don't see the spatk of hope when praised for a job well done.
You don't hear her screams for help. A hand to guide her through this world.

At first a slow, meek wind begins to gently wisp through my hair
Caressing my skin, smoother than velvet, faster than light
Faster and wilder the wind begins to dance with the trees
Swaying to and fro
Lifting the leaves into a flowing sea of color
Clouds move in and blot out the sunlight
Darkness is moving freely into the land
Casting a cold shadow over all it passes
Lightning shoots through the shadow
Illuminating the world in a flash
Thunder shakes the ground
And opens the soul to a miracle of nature
Until finally a shower of cleansing rain pounds the earth
Rinsing away the dirt and sins of the day

As I walked sullen and slow down the path that my life had become
Always looking down at the dirt below my feet
Never stopping to notice the sun or the smell of spring flowers
Sluggish and unresponsive to life happening around me
Swiftly fate pulled my legs from under my body and left me bewildered
Out of my own imagination he came
Unlike any other soul I had ever encountered
Showing himself at precisely the perfect moment in time
Bringing me the most treasured gift in creation
The prospect of hope, the light behind the eyes of a kindred soul
Words hold no comparison to the feeling he invoked
This almost recognizable stranger had woke me from the slumber of depression
Indescribable how breathtaking life's twists and turns are to the heart
One moment at the end of her rope, now on top of the world
Permanently floating on cloud 9
Where time no longer exists and the past is a faint dream
The glare of the morning light brings dreams of the future
Cherishing every small second
Living for once in her life, not just existing in this world
Inspired to create masterpieces
With an endless supply of emotion to use as her pallet

I thank God for the little things
Like the smile of a child
The hope a new day can bring to a lost soul.
The feel of a warm fuzzy blanket on a cold winter's eve.

I thank God for the little things
Like being able to lend a helping hand
The smell of fresh cut pine on Christmas day.
The beauty of a sunrise shared by lovers.

I thank God for the little things.
Like moments of silence when time seems to stand still.
The sensation of crisp morning air gently caressing my cheek.
And how faith can guide us through the storm.

I thank God for the little things.
A smile or hello from a stranger
Kindness shown without any expectation of return
Love given even by a broken heart.

I thank God for the little things
The ability to see the beauty all around
To watch a bird soar through the sky
To accept blessings each day, hope and pray that they will never just pass you by.

For just a day if I could lock my perception of reality away
And see through the eyes and heart of another soul
To truly be able to walk in your shoes
I can only imagine how transcending it could be
Could I discover new words, new worlds, new emotions
Being able to feel what you feel
Touch what you touch
Inhale your world as my own
Breathe in every new experience
A new born baby viewing in awe this new world
Taking each step in stride and each moment as my last
Able to watch the movie of memories
Sensing past pains and new hopes
Sharing your greatest hopes and dreams
No longer just an audience member
Now a major player in this scene of existence
No longer blind to what appears on the surface
Diving deep into the center of your being
Finally able to embrace the heart that is hidden so far beneath the exterior
Wisdom of understanding
Giving a new found appreciation for your life
Honestly able to console and empathize
Now knowing what makes your inner time piece click
Opening up a infinite world of possibilities for our future

Shaded by the facade of chivalry
You walk into a room with confidence and vanity
Cloaking the eyes of every female present

A wolf in prince's robes
Playing chess with every heart that you see
For pure enjoyment and satisfaction

How could a touch be so cruel?
How could holding my hand in yours mean nothing?
Touch is your weapon, your mask

Skin on skin
The stroke of my arm, you blind me
To all the deception you are feeding me

Absent of emotion
Using my own heart against me
Exposing every weakness in my soul

Your treacherous touch has broken
The glass surrounding my free will
Burning like a flame

Scaring every future embrace
Soiling my image of intimacy
Unforgiving scar, lasting for eternity

Hot summer evening in the deep south
Cool tender breeze blows through my hair
Birds chirping and crickets singing a song of innocence.

"Here comes the Sun"playing on the radio
Carefree, running, laughing
Inhaling the smells of fresh cut grass, and wild flowers
Bathing in the afternoon rain

Resting and reading under the shade tree
He has been a loyal friend through the years
Climbing and hanging upside down on his sturdy branches
Playing hide and seek behind his trunk
Carving our initials into the bark
First kissed under the stars, sheltered by this companion of ours.

Simplicity, pure joy
Warmth flowing into our hearts and against our skin
Days that seemed to last forever
From sun up to sun down
Under the shade tree is where I am found.

Never would I seek to cause you pain
Never would I plan your demise
How I ache for just one more look in your eyes
I wish I could bare my heart and soul and mind to you
Let you inside to see all that I hide
So you would truly know how much I love you
Words are hurtful
Silence is death to what we had, I know
I realize I allowed the silence to destroy the good we once had
I would give anything to reverse that choice
I know matter what I say now or do
You will question my intentions
No more nights cuddling
No more laughs together
No more sweet kisses
My clown ninja has gone
My heart breaks over and over
As I remember all the times we had together
All the happiness you brought in my life
All the times you stood strong for me when I was falling apart
Took you for granted
Took your friendship for granted
I abandoned you when you needed me the most
I will forever regret that
So now, I know I can't change the past
Can't take it away
All I can do is ask for your forgiveness
All I can do is promise never to take you for granted again
Hopefully one day you will understand the logic behind my actions
One day we can rekindle that friendship I cherish
If not I understand and you will forever live in my memories
You will be immortal in my life
Because so many of these words I have written speak of you
I will read them and remember you
I will cherish the moments we shared
I will always love you with all my heart, please don't doubt that
Doubt my actions, or lack there of
Never doubt that you hold a piece of my heart and always will.

Silence is a gift
An escape from the constant noise of this tragic play
Removed from all technology and the constant exchange of information
No one tugging at my soul
No one breaking my spirit
No words of discouragement or condemnation
No static of electricity fogging up my mind

Alone in my reality
Free to ponder life's greatest mysteries, without fear of judgement or ridicule
Free to create and watch imagination flow
To live in a fantasy of my own
A world that only exists for me
A place where time no longer plays a part
Where money and material things hold no value.

Alone he sits in an empty pew
Enveloped in the silence of his mind
Old aged wood creeks and echoes through the sanctuary
As he drops to his knees
The only light is a sliver of sunshine cascading through the stained glass
portrait of a savior
Creating an almost heavenly glow, illuminating the hope buried deep in his soul.
He begins to pray but is interrupted
by the devious acts that plague his past
Haunted by decisions
Marked for eternity by the path he has chosen to travel
Memories and regret flood his heart
How can he be forgiven by his creator if he cannot forgive himself?
Blinded by guilt that has ridden havoc on his physical body and his spiritual soul
A small whisper tickles his ear
So faint, so soft
Like a lullaby sung to a small child
Where does it come from?
What is the source of its existence?
He recognizes the melody but can't remember the words.
An hypnotizing tune that drew him to this very place
Faith, however faint and tiny
Fleeting breeze it may seem
Has taken root long ago
It grows and replays its tune like a broken record
Beckoning to the listener
Pulling at the fiber of his very being
This man is humanity itself
And faith need only a single note
to become a glorious symphony and lead him to the answers and forgiveness he so seeks.

Every moment of the past 33 years I have hidden
Behind this veil of vanity
Covering every doubt and self destructive thought with a  lie of arrogance
Seems that the scars of the past still exist
Deep down under the woman you see
Lies the scared, unsure, timid little girl
That was bullied and torn down
Not  just by her peers but also by those she gave her love and trust to
Never truly able to be herself, so scared of judgement
Terrified of rejection
No one could every really love her, because reality was that she never exposed her true personality
As a young child she put on shows
Pranced around in all the jewlery and pretty clothing she could find
Begging for the attention, she couldn't give herself
Over achieving at every task
Desperately  trying to mold herself to what others wanted her to be
Bragging of her beauty and exposing her body
All in a failed attempt to draw attention away from the mortified child inside
So photogenic, so prissy and proper
So damaged, so broken
Would she eventually believe the ruse she had performed for so long?
Or would she become more and more disguised by the veil hanging heavy over her face
Her breathe becoming quick and labored
Her skin beginning to sweat from the heat of the sun
Everything spinning, becoming dizzy
Until this reality becomes the only option
Until this veil becomes her face for eternity

I rack my mind from dusk til dawn
Filtering through a lifetime of memories
Some incredible, some dreadful
Some bring joy and belly busting laughter
Others bring a river of unending tears and pain
Where did I go wrong?
I surrendered every breath, every beat of this heart.
I freely sacrificed my soul
My every atom fully to the love of my life
My miracle, my reason for living
My every dream come true
My daughter
All I am I give her
All I know I teach her
All my heart belongs to her
At some crossing I took the wrong path
I let her down, I broke her heart unintentionally
Now stuck in this deep dark forest of my mind lost, deep in the weeds of this cruel existence.
Her hand slipped out of mine, I’m stumbling, I’m blind and falling over my own feet.
Searching through the darkness for eternity unable to find her.
She was stolen from me
Evil of social freedom and lies of this ugly reality have snatched her out of my arms.
What is left of her I don’t recognize
Someone with only distain for her mother
Blame is now my hell
Contempt surrounds me and envelopes the love that once filled my being
Bitter taste of disappointment stains every sustenance
No rest, no salvation
My mind is my nemesis
No chance of redemption
No matter the length of my penance
Eternally pleading for her to return, persist in my directive
Screaming and wailing to god for one sign of love, one smile from her, one small glimmer of hope. To be left alone in my darkness, praying until my voice ceases to exist.

I sit and wonder, what does she see?
This amazing little person who is a huge part of me.
She lived close to my soul, our hearts once beat in the same body.
She knows me like no other on this earth.
Sometimes I think she is the only one who truly knows my worth.
Can she see the worry in my eyes?
Can she feel my heart race when she tries something new?
Does she sense the fear when we are apart?
Can she feel the tears that fill my eyes when I think of how her life should have been?
Does she see me hiding my pain? Trying to be strong and brave.
Knowing that I will definitely do so many things wrong
Does she know deep in her heart that I would gladly give my life for hers?
For her happiness, I will sacrifice
For her growth I will fight
For her smile I will give her the world
From the first moment she lived
I have and will give her all that I can give.

You said you wanted a good woman.
But when one came knocking at your door
You changed your mind and decided to settle for a *****.
You don't want DRAMA
Well isn't that exactly what you're asking for?
A wolf in cheap spandex
Who may satisfy that primal urge
But she's not sleeping in her bed alone.
A robber of affection
She gets her kicks on other's rejection
No matter who she is
It won't last
Emptiness fills the void that once was her heart.
and it will consume your every part
She will not care for you or wish you the best.
She is a black widow just like the rest
Casual *** may be your fun
But only while your emotions are on the run.
One day you will see what could be
But then it may be too late.
For good girls hardly ever wait.
So forget this woman who would have given you her heart
And keep the girl who allows numbness to fill her parts.

So young and beautiful you were as a child
With the sweet smell of kindness in every heart you grew wild,
Not one patch of earth could resist your charm,
And in your eyes no slimy **** could do you harm.

With each season a new bud would bloom,
No rain cloud could steal your sunshine or bring you gloom.
You watched over each blade of grass you could see,
They were your children who loved you unconditionally.

But in life all things must have an end,
Slowly your petals began to turn black.
You wilted away never to come back.
Your radiant light will be missed,
My lily, my grandma, my friend.

In the silence of my room
Deep in the night lost somewhere in a dream
The warmth of  your breath reaches my skin

Not sure what is reality and what is my imagination
I hear the low soothing sound of your voice
Whispering all the words I long to hear

I swear I feel the heat of your body pressed against mine
Taste the sweetness of your kiss
Every inch of my body tingles with anticipation

I fight not wanting to open my eyes
Scared that once I do, reality will set in
And you will be gone

So I lay there in the dark
Overcome by thoughts of you
Emotions you bring forth in me
Feelings never felt only imagined

Why do I sit and ponder and analyze every aspect of this life?
Spending hours and days contemplating my place in this world
Day dreaming of how I wish my life had turned out
Imagining the day that fate will finally show me favor

Why are some people easy to leave behind but others break you to your soul?
Why do we want the ones who don't want us?
Why is that I can't bare the thought of not having you in my life?
Why can't I see the reality in front of my face?
Is it just a chemical reaction that causes the bond I feel?
Is it all in my head?
I feel as though I am losing what is left of my sanity
I would live through a thousand heart breaks to be in your presence
Would endure any pain that may come from this decision
With ease and pleasure
why?

Why do I seem to seek those who take my love for granted?
Those who use and abuse me
Why do I always look for the other shoe to drop?
Why can't I at least have contentment?
Why is happiness so brief and fleeting for me?
Why do I see only certain people through rose colored glasses?
Why am I cursed with an imagination so vivid that fantasy and reality begin to blur?

A cool chill flows through my veins,
Warm breathe becomes a billow of smoke in the icy air.
Sharpe, Stinging breezes chap my cheeks and lips.
Old man winter has moved in, removed all heat from the earth and covered the ground with a blanket of white.
The silence of the morning fills all space like an abandoned ghost town
No living creature  utters a sound
Christmas lights shower the night with hope and happiness
Bringing the joy and innocence of childhood to every aging heart
The smell of pine brings back memories of family and fiends
Reminders of human kindness,
The core of what this life is ment to be
A full moon overhead watching over this world giving life to every shadow.

Through the years many have come and went.
No one stays
Either life guides them away
Or death
I may not be like most
I may think to much and too hard
I may not be bubbly or happy all the time
But I am a loyal friend if you were mine
Someone to talk to
To discuss dreams and hopes
Visions and wishes
A shoulder to cry on
A buddy to watch movies with or
Write with or create with
My heart is overflowing with love
I need to give to share with you
Won't you be my friend til the end?

So many times been taken forgranted
My heart broken and bruised
Left behind and used

Gave all I had to those I believed
Watched as they tore my soul apart
In shock waiting for the healing to start

Never giving up on the one
Always looking, searching for that stranger
To wisk me away and protect me from danger

Some one worth my time
To talk for hours, hold me tight
To want me for the reasons that are right

I know he exists in some far away place.
Someday true love will find me
Someday my prince will set me free!