I beg of you to be patient with my heart
She has been torn down and broken from the start
She gets caught up in the moment
I usually let her lead the way
Even though in the past that has seemed to be a problem
She may love you with all she is
She may want the fairy tale to be true
She may fall so hard that all thought of reality escapes her
I ask that you be patient, let her become accustomed to this new life
This new love and new emotions that are over loading every sense
She will let go then pull back, that is her built in defense
Don't take that as a bad sign
Don't doubt how she feels
Just give her time and space to express herself
To evolve into this new role, instead of leaping head first
So terrified that if I dive I will drown
Drown in my own insecurities
Down in my own fear
Drown in the pain of the past
That has formed me
Formed me in the need for independence
Formed the routine
Formed the ability to cope with the loneliness
Please understand this has no reflection on you
Nothing you did or did not do
This is the inner battle I fight every day
This is the paralyzing fear of change
Of possibly losing the person I have worked and slaved so long to find again.
A part of me wonders , have I come so accustomed to the pain
That it has become my security blanket
My addiction, the feeling that reminds me I am alive
As the tears stream down my face, its a release of emotion
Trapped for so long deep inside, hidden from the world
Locked away in my own personal prison
Am I the poison
Have I crafted my own fate
All this time I blamed others, was it me all along
Was he right?
Will I never allow myself to truly be happy?
Am I too damaged to love or be loved?

There is no shame or disgrace in exposing the deepest darkest corners of this spirit
In fact without the comradery of this family of artist surrounding our craft there would be no audience to appreciate the stylings of the soul.
Some may be timid and reserved, afraid of judgement
Lost in the image of perfection defined in another's eyes
Oh if only we as humanity were more approving and accepting of differences
We would have solutions to issues of the world
Cruelty would have no home here
We would all have the same dream of equality and love of thy neighbor.
It saddens this poet to see the pure evil displayed in this world
No matter what the cause or reasoning
Deep inside my prayer is for love
Love pure and strong
Love in the innocence of a child's heart
That can see no difference, that only can see love
Love like our creator has for us
Unconditional, unwavering
With each word I can give
I give all a piece of myself
Exposed and naked
I give it freely and in hopes that another can see and sympathize
or empathize or recognize a piece of themselves in my reflection.
Unable to stop, knowing if I ceased those thoughts and dreams
My being would also cease to exist

First let me say:
No one is perfect
We all are unique
We all learn differently
We think seperatley
Our dreams and ambitions belong to our individual souls.
So why do yoy expect my daughter to be a cookie cutter image of a child at her age?
She is special and perfect in my eyes.
With a heart of pure innoscense and gold.
But all you see are the tears, the tantrums, and the fears.
You don't see the sweet little girl that cries herself to sleep because she never feels good enough.
You don't see the defeat and pain in her big brown eyes when a task is difficult or hard to understand.
The frustration because she doesn't know how to cope or why shes not like the rest.
The depth of exhaustion she experiences every day because her little body is not strong enough to master the challenges of the day.
You don't see the despiration to be accepted and loved.
Her mind and body communicate at the speed of light or at the pace of a tourtise.
So young she has no words to explain the torture that normal activities cause her pain.
You don't see the spatk of hope when praised for a job well done.
You don't hear her screams for help. A hand to guide her through this world.

Hey You! Yes you there reading this prose.
We could be best friends, who knows?
As you sit and read, you are getting to know a part of me.
I am serving up a slice of my soul for the world to taste.
We share our most intimate thoughts, our wildest dreams.
Our hopes and fears
Our views of the world and emotion
As if we are staring into a mirror instead of a computer screen.
I relate and see or feel as you felt at the time you put life into words.
Even though we have never met, I have shared in your pain,
I have felt love and happiness along side you.
How insane to say but you all are closer to being my soul mate than any other person today.
In my darkest hour,
My fellow poets were there with encouragement and praise
A community unlike any other in this reality.
Diverse and unique
Supportive and creative
Thank you for the inspiration, the faith in humanity that you have restored in me.

Drawn to you like a powerful magnet
My soul recognized yours and once that energy met
There was no pulling us apart
How strange to feel so strongly toward another soul
Even though time in each other's presence has been short
My heart and body yearns to be near him
A strange form of attraction
Never experienced
New and rare
An immediate connection
Seems like I have been standing still in the same place for so long
Then I was jolted when I started speeding toward him
Involuntarily moving into his space, into his arms
Chemical reaction, electrical impulses have taken over
So familiar yet never experience
Savoring every moment, every second we get
I know how fleeting this feeling is
I have had the butterflies many times
But they never lasted, they changed and morphed into agonizing pains
How amazing would it be if they stayed
I am a dreamer and yes my heart is permanently attached to my sleeve
I follow my heart and emotions
Even if they make me do crazy irrational things
No matter how hard I try I can not change that aspect of me
Its impossible to remove the whisper of hope deep down in my heart
The chance that the one may be out there for me
May end in heartache
May end in eternity
The fact of not knowing keeps this hopeless romantic wondering
Will the gravity between us remain unchanged?

For decades of pain have nailed it shut
Each heartbreak, each betrayal is represented by a nail driven so deep into
the wood of the window that it cracks.
Every tear shed is dripping like the morning dew slowly across the pane
The glass is thick yet fragile
The paint has all but faded away
To open it would take an army

A mass of males to move this mighty mountain
Yet you expect it to fly open so easily, with a gust of summer wind
For all the vulnerability left in me to be shed, open to all
Ripe for the picking
I wonder, is your window that easily opened, or is yours so guarded
that no one will ever even be able to view it or gaze into.

Over time you have been allowed to view the beauty and decay that exists on the other side.
Even got to slightly open for a moment
Do I even hope for the key to unlock it
To open it to the world
To open it to hurt
To seek the unknown ahead
I may never know, I may never be brave enough to even try

But its so sad to think, that it may have opened to you, and you alone
But fear made you flee
Never to see

Through the years many have come and went.
No one stays
Either life guides them away
Or death
I may not be like most
I may think to much and too hard
I may not be bubbly or happy all the time
But I am a loyal friend if you were mine
Someone to talk to
To discuss dreams and hopes
Visions and wishes
A shoulder to cry on
A buddy to watch movies with or
Write with or create with
My heart is overflowing with love
I need to give to share with you
Won't you be my friend til the end?

Strong comforting smell awakes my senses
Pulls me like a magnetic field
Out of my warm, soft alluring nest
Lead by the nostrils like a leash to the kitchen
Where this black gold has hypnotized my mind and body
Trickling down my throat
Filling this body with a gentle burning sensation
Awaking the soul

When the sun is blinding over head
and the sky is as blue as sadness
When the depth of darkness is masked by a smile.
When the haunting memories are washed away
How easy it is to love me?

Easy to see on the surface, only the small piece of my soul that I have chosen to show.
Simple and clear
Apparent but invisible to all the world
Her true self manifest into a sugar coated vision of your imagination
How bizarre that pain in me, is seen as bliss by you?

I have become a master at my trade
The game of deception and disguise
Locking away the form that is reality
Bury deep any unconventional thought
Polished and Polite to the outside world
Predictable, painted, shield
Designed to destroy all light

The heart of mankind bleeds
The blood of innocent children shot in the streets,
measured only as a casualty of war
The blood of a mother using her own body as a shield to protect her young
The blood of a soldier and a father protecting freedom at all cost
All freedom of humanity is at stake
Hatred and greed are becoming a plague and once it spreads there will be no hope left.
I can't bare the thought
The nightmares that flood my brain
Visions of death and destruction
Brother slaying brother
The world transforming into a eternal blackness
The emotion can be so overwhelming that it overcomes my soul
It feels as though we are fighting a losing battle
The few who lay down their hearts to help another
Those who gladly dedicate their energy and love to the mending of mankind.

Emotion has been the huntress of my soul since I can recall
Completely filling every inch of this physical being
Be it an amazing high
or a deathly low
Either way my spirit is ruled by her
I hear whispers in the early morning light
Faint and smooth barley able to determine any form of speech
Speaking to me, slowly recalling every moment of despair
Every moment of pure bliss
My mind will forever be running to decode the meaning of it all
Endlessly gathering and hiding the dark ones
Pushing them so far away from the surface, so that they are never to be seen by the outside world
Groveling at the feet of my fellow man
For one small speck of affection,
for one second to feel whole
Longing for acceptance in a world too shallow for this old soul
A mask of narcissism hides the outcast
Hides the feeling of disgust felt when I look in a mirror
Disguises the hollow center of it all
So well that I  begins to believe the outward appearance
Believe the words of favor and beauty
Even if only for a brief glimpse to see myself as I can only imagine
But these eyes have been darkened by years of apathy from those  I craved acceptance
Never been easy for me to speak the intensity of every emotion I experience
Putting word to paper has been my only saving grace
The only insight to who I truly am
For the outside world to view a small piece of my heart.

The conduct of my heart had been sentenced to solitary for what felt like an eternity.
Exposed to those who didn't cherish or deserve my love.
Every new prospect of hope was dangled in front of this broken soul only to be snatched away before made whole
Hunting endless miles for my prince charming

When all along I should have been seeking my King.
The moment my ears detected his voice
The second his eyes, like crystal blue waters of the sea, met mine
All inhibition left me and I found myself suspended in the joy that surrounded this damaged heart.
Peacefully and effortlessly I fell into his arms
Though it may all be new in this world of time and space
The feeling is so familiar as if we have been connected since the beginning of it all

Joined on a deeper level that what is physical
On a spiritual plane of reality in which only we exist
Relishing in every touch
Savoring every kiss
Occupying this dream of desire
Craving to be close to him
Sharing life's breathe

His caress has set the caged bird free
His divine spirit has removed all pain of the past.
Captivated by every word that escapes his lips
Mesmerized by the delicate nature he takes with me
Inspiration thrives now that I have found him

To the average eye or ear
The click clicking of my keyboard maybe dull or bland
But to a creative soul like mine it becomes a symphony.

As I sit and type
In my mind I am transported to a grand hall
Full of people and musicians
And as my hands glide gently over the keys
I become the composer

Fast and Slow
Loud and Soft
The sound echoes in my mind and through my heart

To find joy or even inspiration
In such a mundane task
Is truly the gift of writing and being
able to see small beautiful moments
in this world.

Gentle, warm breeze caresses my cheek
Wind flows like fingers through my hair
For a moment my hand is flying on the breeze as it hangs out the window of my car.
Sunshine lands on my face and thaws a frozen heart
For that single solitary moment my soul is free
All the worries of the mind give way to each individual sense.
Amazed how simple pleasures can set us free
Remove all inhibition
Strip away the ugliness of this world
I imagine this is how heaven will be
A million simple pleasures that repeat over infinity
Our eyes will truly be opened and see the beauty of the small moments
See the magnitude of all that was taken for granted during our mortal life
Like the sweet song of birds as they wake to the rising sun
The chirp of crickets on a warm summer evening
The formation of clouds as they float by
The smell of a fire burning on a crisp autumn eve.
The glistening of fire flies through the trees
The comforting lullaby of a mother's voice
How lucky are we?
If only for a moment to experience how wonderful this world can be

I sit and wonder, what does she see?
This amazing little person who is a huge part of me.
She lived close to my soul, our hearts once beat in the same body.
She knows me like no other on this earth.
Sometimes I think she is the only one who truly knows my worth.
Can she see the worry in my eyes?
Can she feel my heart race when she tries something new?
Does she sense the fear when we are apart?
Can she feel the tears that fill my eyes when I think of how her life should have been?
Does she see me hiding my pain? Trying to be strong and brave.
Knowing that I will definitely do so many things wrong
Does she know deep in her heart that I would gladly give my life for hers?
For her happiness, I will sacrifice
For her growth I will fight
For her smile I will give her the world
From the first moment she lived
I have and will give her all that I can give.

Taunted and teased by the empty page at my finger tips
How easy it can be has stained the moment of imagination
The process of artistic creation
At moments emotion seemed to flow freely like a river to the sea
Other times I am strangled by the pen in my hand, muted by the
want to put it on paper and stop it from punishing my heart
Its a unquenchable thirst that plagues every second of a writers
life.
The need and desire to let out all the darkness inside, all the joy, all the light until nothing is left.
Vocally she may not be able to represent her thoughts and dreams
But on paper a whole new reality is formed and the deepest visions the wildest notions flood the blankness

Actions speak louder than words, unless your words and actions speak different languages.

I rack my mind from dusk til dawn
Filtering through a lifetime of memories
Some incredible, some dreadful
Some bring joy and belly busting laughter
Others bring a river of unending tears and pain
Where did I go wrong?
I surrendered every breath, every beat of this heart.
I freely sacrificed my soul
My every atom fully to the love of my life
My miracle, my reason for living
My every dream come true
My daughter
All I am I give her
All I know I teach her
All my heart belongs to her
At some crossing I took the wrong path
I let her down, I broke her heart unintentionally
Now stuck in this deep dark forest of my mind lost, deep in the weeds of this cruel existence.
Her hand slipped out of mine, I’m stumbling, I’m blind and falling over my own feet.
Searching through the darkness for eternity unable to find her.
She was stolen from me
Evil of social freedom and lies of this ugly reality have snatched her out of my arms.
What is left of her I don’t recognize
Someone with only distain for her mother
Blame is now my hell
Contempt surrounds me and envelopes the love that once filled my being
Bitter taste of disappointment stains every sustenance
No rest, no salvation
My mind is my nemesis
No chance of redemption
No matter the length of my penance
Eternally pleading for her to return, persist in my directive
Screaming and wailing to god for one sign of love, one smile from her, one small glimmer of hope. To be left alone in my darkness, praying until my voice ceases to exist.

Silence is a gift
An escape from the constant noise of this tragic play
Removed from all technology and the constant exchange of information
No one tugging at my soul
No one breaking my spirit
No words of discouragement or condemnation
No static of electricity fogging up my mind

Alone in my reality
Free to ponder life's greatest mysteries, without fear of judgement or ridicule
Free to create and watch imagination flow
To live in a fantasy of my own
A world that only exists for me
A place where time no longer plays a part
Where money and material things hold no value.

At first a slow, meek wind begins to gently wisp through my hair
Caressing my skin, smoother than velvet, faster than light
Faster and wilder the wind begins to dance with the trees
Swaying to and fro
Lifting the leaves into a flowing sea of color
Clouds move in and blot out the sunlight
Darkness is moving freely into the land
Casting a cold shadow over all it passes
Lightning shoots through the shadow
Illuminating the world in a flash
Thunder shakes the ground
And opens the soul to a miracle of nature
Until finally a shower of cleansing rain pounds the earth
Rinsing away the dirt and sins of the day