I beg of you to be patient with my heart
She has been torn down and broken from the start
She gets caught up in the moment
I usually let her lead the way
Even though in the past that has seemed to be a problem
She may love you with all she is
She may want the fairy tale to be true
She may fall so hard that all thought of reality escapes her
I ask that you be patient, let her become accustomed to this new life
This new love and new emotions that are over loading every sense
She will let go then pull back, that is her built in defense
Don't take that as a bad sign
Don't doubt how she feels
Just give her time and space to express herself
To evolve into this new role, instead of leaping head first
So terrified that if I dive I will drown
Drown in my own insecurities
Down in my own fear
Drown in the pain of the past
That has formed me
Formed me in the need for independence
Formed the routine
Formed the ability to cope with the loneliness
Please understand this has no reflection on you
Nothing you did or did not do
This is the inner battle I fight every day
This is the paralyzing fear of change
Of possibly losing the person I have worked and slaved so long to find again.
A part of me wonders , have I come so accustomed to the pain
That it has become my security blanket
My addiction, the feeling that reminds me I am alive
As the tears stream down my face, its a release of emotion
Trapped for so long deep inside, hidden from the world
Locked away in my own personal prison
Am I the poison
Have I crafted my own fate
All this time I blamed others, was it me all along
Was he right?
Will I never allow myself to truly be happy?
Am I too damaged to love or be loved?