Yesterday I held a ladybug in my hand

Picked it up from where it was,
vulnerable on the floor of the church

The music around seemed to fade away
as I stared at the little ladybug,
hoping it was alive

It didn't move but I held it in my hand still
as I prayed that someday live would work out
praying that God would be there to hold me when times got tough.

And that little ladybug started moving in my hand
Safe from foreign feet that would **** it.

I know this is silly

But I saw myself in that ladybug.

I am this little vulnerable creature
Yet God holds me in the palm of His hand.  

And I know...

I

Am

Safe

Your childish lies have nothing of a true meaning
because you never saw what truly went on inside my mind.
The cogs were turning, but the wheels got stuck in the muck
that you had left behind when you decided that it was time to bid me adieu.
That child inside me broke
Like the Bay Lake dam that came crashing and tumbling down,
the waters swirling into the ever after.
Leaving me behind, alone, with the lonely company of the silt and the sand.
And then, I wept.

You
Are not my crutch.
You've named yourself
But you've got it all wrong.
Even when I crawled through life
I never even took a hand up.
I've never leaned on
Anyone
And I never intend to.
I have no crutch.
I am no *******.
I am simply
Something you have never seen before
And may never see again.
(It takes a certain madness to walk
This tightrope.)
I have no crutch. I have no support.
But
I have my knowledge
That when I fall I will not hit the ground.
That if I am to tumble from love and life
I may be bruised
But I will not be
Broken.
I have someone waiting to catch me.
And you
Are not her, either.
Darling, you are what I want.
You are who
I want.
But you are not my constant.
You do not rise in the east
And set in the west
And I do not expect
That you coax every living thing that grows
Up from under the soil
And give it life.
I cannot count on you
To keep me warm when I am shivering
And that
Is okay
And that
Was never the point.
You are like the stars-
Never in quite the same place,
Bright and guiding some nights,
Shrouded in misty clouds on others,
And that
Is why I love you so.
Elusive and divine,
You shape the night into a glittering sheet of velvet but you
Are not the sun
And I do not want you to be.
I've got someone
I know will always come back and light my life up.
I've got
My safety net of sunbeams.
I am reaching for the stars,
And I want them to set my heart aflame
And print constellations of white light
Along my tender skin
But
Make no mistake
I neither want
Nor expect them
To make the grass grow
Steady beneath my feet.

You'll always be one of the reasons I love being alive.
The look on your face when you walked into the Disney Store.
The way you take nothing too seriously, but always take the things that truly matter just seriously enough.
The inch of skin at your hips that refuses to stay concealed beneath any of your shirts,
(The one that drives you crazy,
That always drove me crazy, too.)
The fact that all the time is time for some good food at your house.
And the unspoken promise that whenever I am feeling truly desolate, you will appear like a distant golden searchlight on a stormy sea
To guide me back from the darkness.
I used to love you in only one way.
It's expanded, and I imagine it will, always.
If ever someday we stop saying hello to one another,
I will find memories of your smile in every foreign city,
And on every morning that I decide my day will be a good one.
Hey, you know, maybe you're the truest love of my life.
Maybe the point is that I don't need to touch you to know
I always have your handprint on my heart,
Keeping me warm,
No matter how foolish or wise I ever become.
If that time I spent with you was the best I'll ever know....
You know,
It was pretty **** wonderful.