With. Every. Single. Pound
of his fist on the door your
Liv.ing.room. Compressed and I
started glancing around just
Looking. For. A. Way. Out these
walls will not contain me now they
Are.n't. Big. E.nough to try
and hold in my fears they
Ri.pple. And. Shake. Like
my shoulders try to do but
I. Am. Stron.ger. Than. This. Fear.
(I wish)

Darling,
this is how entropy increases. It's not in the loudness or the noise, it's not in the moments after when we're all shell-shocked and confused, no, because this world will not end in a bang. Entropy increases is such a fundamental concept, and yet
I had hoped and prayed and begged and bargained and pleaded and screamed and whispered and
until the air ran out of my lungs and my only words left were
not here not here not here not
here, darling, this, is how entropy increases. When I am too tired and you, you are too busy. We will not fall apart in glory, love, we will not burn out, this thing we call we will just
fade
away, until all that is left is the faintest glimmer of stardust coating my cheeks and clinging to what once was wet. We are drifting, heart, softly
and the space between where our gazes fall short is the void
that swallows our words. This
that you are reading is the only thing I have managed to rescue, fish out, drag through layers of fear and hesitence and doubt by sheer need to tell you something. You know, we are
celestial beings, stars, constellations, but even the glorious fades and only leaves behind the faintest of imprints on my eyelids, so I think I can almost just remember you but not quite because entropy has turned my memory
a rabbit-warren of twisting confusion and holey nostalgia oh love I'm sorry this
was never the plan you
were the sun and I was a star and we will not go out with a bang, darling, with the milky-way of our star-brains smeared across the space-wall we were not destined for such things
we were not destined for anything
maybe that is why the only thing
is to go out not with a bang, but my whimper.

Irony-
after leaving, I ran

back

to take
my
things.

But maybe you'll catch me
on a day like today
when the world is languid, when
the very air hangs around us, stifling all
words but mine. You see, today
I am glorious. I am filled with fire
and purpose. Oh, you
who I have not yet forgotten
or know, wait till you catch up
on a day like today. My laughter
is bright and my eyes are clear
and I am so full of energy you will
ignore the one off note
in my symphony, the one aftertaste
you can't quite place.
Dearest
on days like these I am
effulgent, magnetic, insanely, wildly tempting,
I am the siren call in the storm, promising
a safe harbor from the tempest you have
failed to notice I am creating.
On days like these I will beckon
and you will come, ignoring the bitterness
I leave on your tongue
and the clamminess I leave on your hands and
the dead look in my sparkling eyes.
On days like these I am running headlong
blind, willingly unseeing, heady with unspoken promise
to my distruction. If you want
you can come along for the ride.

You're gonna tell me
you miss me
and when I don't answer, hope
I didn't get the message
I didn't check my phone
anything, anything but the truth.

You're gonna tell me
you miss me
and when I don't answer, maybe
understand why, but more likely
wonder what's happening
after all, we worked out our problems
right?

You're gonna tell me
you miss me
and when I don't answer, know
(even though you won't relize)
exactly how I felt every single time
I tried to tell you
I love(d) you.
Remember?