So long ago, I raised
this up, all of my
expectations piled up like
so many building blocks.

now I sit here, trying
to find all the hope
I had constructed
my expectations of.

So long ago, I watched
as we crumbled, all of us
and everything we were falling
down like demolished children's toys.

now I sit here, trying
to understand why, if I watched
us fall apart, knowing the end,
I am still disappointed.

Softly, softly
we step into your mind
quiet and reverent
in our solemn intent.
- words I wrote for you
- books I have read
- places I have been, both
with and without you
- a drawing of my happiness
- your words, to encompass
my pain
I find all of these
where you reside, and as always,
as you are, so much
more than I will ever understand.
when I step out, pieces of
you, cotton-soft, cling to
everything I touched you with. Though
I would love nothing
more than to have stepped lightly in
and out, to not leave a mark
to not sully the purity
of what was before me, I know
this is not possible. The shreds
will cling to me, and I
will cling to the shreds, because
even though I would rather take
nothing, change nothing, be
as inconsequential as nothing, circumstances
have led me to the great
and terrible beauty
of the honor to carry with me
pieces of you.

And then I watched
as your smile stiffened
(imperceptibly, you thought)
and your embraces grew shorter
(I wouldn't notice, you told yourself)
while your laughter rang, forced,
(at least you were trying)
and when we fell asleep,
(you thought this would be)
I saw only your back.
*(more comfortable.)